Part 9 (1/2)

What is the difference between a bottle of medicine and a troublesome boy?--One is to be well shaken before taken, and the other is to be taken and then shaken.

What makes more noise than a pig under a gate?--Two pigs.

When is a door not a door?--When it is a-jar.

What is the difference between a naughty boy and a postage-stamp?--Because one you stick with a lick, and the other you lick with a stick.

Why did William Tell shudder when he shot the apple from his son's head?--Because it was an arrow escape for his child.

What is that which the more you take from it the larger it grows?--A hole.

What is the best land for little kittens?--Lapland.

Why should a man always wear a watch when he travels in a waterless desert?--Because every watch has a spring in it.

Of what trade is the sun?--A tanner.

What relation is a doormat to a door?--Step-fa(r)ther.

What is that which you cannot hold ten minutes, although it is as light as a feather?--Your breath.

What is the worst weather for rats and mice?--When it rains cats and dogs.

What is that which never uses its teeth for eating purposes?--A comb.

When are two apples alike?--When pared.

What is the difference between a blind man and a sailor in prison?--One cannot see to go and the other cannot go to sea.

Why is a plum-cake like the ocean?--Because it contains so many currants.

What pudding makes the best cricketer?--A good batter.

When is a sailor not a sailor?--When he's a-board.

Why is the snow different from Sunday?--Because it can fall on any day in the week.

What trade would you mention to a short boy?--Grow sir (grocer).

What tree is nearest the sea?--The beech.

Why is a game of cards like a timber-yard?--Because there are always a great many deals in it.

Why is a tight boot like an oak tree?--Because it produces a corn (acorn).

Why is a city in Ireland likely to be the largest city in the world?--Because each year it is Dublin (doubling).