Part 30 (2/2)
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CHAPTER.
2 8.
I hadn't seen Leo since the funeral. I told myself he needed s.p.a.ce, that he wouldn't have taken a semester off if he wanted to be around people. I tried to convince myself that somehow we were dif- ferent; that my absence was appreciated instead of begrudged. But really, why would he want me around after the way I treated him?
I went with that, but I thought about him all the time. When a movie came on TV that I thought he'd like, or I read about what celebrities were coming to Dead of Winter Con next month. I wanted to call, or at least text. Once I managed to force my fi ngers onto my phone.
Got a second copy of Frankenhooker. You want?
Two painful days later, I heard back from him.
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Like I said, ouch.
Becca tried to keep things light, when she could willingly move her body. We made a list of things to do at Dead of Winter Con, and we planned on going, no matter what state she was in. I told her if she couldn't walk, I'd push her around in a shopping cart.
”What if I throw up?” she asked.
”Who would know that was real and not just some realistically sick- a.s.s costume?”
Just one day earlier, Becca got the news everyone was waiting for: chemo was offi cially over, at least until after radiation and the results came back.
Then why was she still so f.u.c.king sick? Instead of cancer being over, Becca was in total, all- consuming pain. Her joints ached, her head hurt, and the nausea was just as bad as it ever was. What ever they used to kill the cancer was beating the s.h.i.+t out of her insides nonstop. Her meds made her groggy and incoherent, and she still seemed to be in so much pain.
The last time I visited, packing Mom's patented tuna noodle cas- serole, she slept most of the time, except when she woke up to whim- per. I stayed out of obligation and guilt, not because I liked it. There was nothing I could do for her, and even being next to her didn't mat- ter when she was unconscious. Her mom came into her room every few minutes, and each time she told me, ”You're such a good friend, Alex.” It made me feel worse. Especially the fi fth time she added, ”G.o.d bless you.”
The only thing that lightened my mood was reading the love notes Caleb had been writing to Becca for the last couple months. He -1- was a smart guy and an old- fas.h.i.+oned romantic.
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1 8 0.
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My dearest Becca, Today I chose to study the fi lms of Lillian Gish. She reminds me of you, and I envisioned you on the screen someday as bright a star as there ever was. My sister is still in her baking unit, and she made some chocolate- chip cookies using coriander. I'll make sure to drop some off. I don't know if you can eat them now, so she froze some for you when you can.
Looking forward to our next visit,Caleb If a guy wrote me a letter like that, I'd be embarra.s.sed to the point of burning the paper. But it suited Becca. She deserved to fi nd some joy in the s.h.i.+tty quagmire of her life.
During the quietude of her bed rest, I tinkered with the idea of getting in touch with Leo again. It killed me that he ate away my brain like that. Maybe it was just the loneliness of being next to some- one who couldn't even talk to me, who had stacks of love notes tucked under her mattress. But she deserved those love notes. I deserved the loneliness. It was self- imposed, after all.
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CHAPTER.
2 9.
The holidays came and went. They were the fi rst without my dad, and therefore had more sadness and refl ection than antic.i.p.a- tion and celebration. Becca and I exchanged gifts aboard her bed. She gave me some hardbound cla.s.sic Tales from the Crypt Comics, and I bought her a Battlestar Galactica t-s.h.i.+rt reading, ”I Fat Apollo.” It was a hilarious misstep on the part of the show's creators, making the usually buff Apollo into a doughy mess to show the pa.s.sage of time (other characters just got new hairdos). Even better was how quickly and eff ortlessly he got back into shape. And even better than that: A s.h.i.+rt was created to commemorate the gaff e.
It would be the perfect s.h.i.+rt for Becca to wear to Dead of Winter Con, where none other than Jamie Bamber, aka Lee ”Apollo”
Adama, would be appearing in the autographs area. That would fi nally give us a chance to get back to the f.u.c.k- It List, which had -1- fallen into obscurity soon after Leo's brother's death. Except for one 0- item.
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