Part 35 (1/2)

”Okay. Marsh, wanna step in?”

”Sure!” He stood by Claudia's pad until they could time it perfectly: she jumped off, he jumped on, and they made the wand hand-off without Claudia's Mii missing a beat.

”What are you doing?” I hissed when I'd pulled her aside.

”Ree-Ree came up to me! She said she liked my dress, and we started talking. She's really nice.”

”She's really nice” wasn't a common first response to Ree-Ree. This was weird.

”What about Marsh?” I asked. ”I thought you weren't going to speak to him.”

”Right, 'cause that wouldn't have been weird at all when Ree-Ree introduced us,” Claudia said. ”Fear not for the Ladder, Cara. Marsh and I both acted like we'd never met before. Ree-Ree has no idea. It's fine. We're having fun!”

Eddie wrapped me in a bear hug from behind and plucked his beer from my hand. ”You are the best girlfriend ever, Cara!”

Claudia ran back to her game. ”Outta the way, Marsh; I'm back in!”

”Ooh, are you filling those?” Eddie nodded to the pretzel bowls in my hand. ” 'Cause we're almost out of chips and guac here, too.”

Chips and guac. Poor party protocol. I grabbed the additional bowls and took everything upstairs. I stumbled on the way up and laughed so hard that I had to sit a minute on the steps. Brett's shots were working full force now, and I liked it. It helped me ignore the nagging sense of Very Not Good I'd had back with Claudia, Marsh, and Ree-Ree.

I got the snack bowls refilled, but it seemed like suddenly everyone needed something: more ice, more mixers, more candy, more nuts, more cheese, more dip...

”How are you not up here dancing yet?” Trista called down from the bar on one of my many trips to the pub room.

”I know! There's so much stuff to do; I feel like I haven't had a break!”

”Totally get it. That's hosting. But look at the result: the most CHIW-lacious party of the year! Brett, hook her up. Poor girl needs it bad.”

Brett hooked me up with a shot of something colorful and fruity this time, and its fuzzy haze helped a lot. Running around filling and delivering is much more fun when you're buzzed enough to make it feel like you're dancing as you go.

Hours whizzed by like this, until suddenly it was very late and several guests-several Super LA guests-started leaving. That's when I realized I hadn't doc.u.mented a single moment of the party! I grabbed my phone and put it in video mode, but I was way too wasted to shoot anything coherent. I just kept the camera on and cruised all around the house and out on the deck. I was a one-person reality TV crew, catching the action as it unfolded. Maybe someday I'd edit the footage and send it to MTV. It could start a hot new series: High School House Party! or maybe House Party High!

As I stumbled/giggled/tripped down the stairs, I turned the camera on myself. ”Testing, one-two-three-four-five-six-seven...”

I forgot what comes after seven.

I tripped and fell on the last step.

”Public service announcement,” I said into the camera. ”Don't drink and walk. Very dangerous.”

I roamed through the pool room and the pub with the video running, zooming in for extreme close-ups of random people's anatomy.

”Ear cam!” Zoom to an ear.

”Nose cam!” Zoom to a nose.

”Drool cam!” Zoom in on someone fast asleep in a chair.

The close-ups were fun. I did a bunch more.

I turned the camera back on myself. ”Super-spy video!” I whispered.

I wandered the rest of the bas.e.m.e.nt, down the hall that branched into all the little nook areas. I softly hummed what sounded to me like spy music and stretched the camera into each nook. I didn't know if anyone was in them or not-it was mystery footage. That was how I finished each time. I'd pull my arm back and do an extreme close-up of my face as I whispered dramatically, ”Mystery footage!”

I had my outstretched arm and camera in one of the nooks and was about to pull it back out when I heard weird noises.

Not weird. I recognized those noises! People making out! Reality show gold! I let the camera keep rolling awhile and worked hard to stifle my giggles. Then I got a great idea. I leaped into the room and flipped on the lights.

”Boo! Say cheese!”

”OFF! TURN THATCAMERA OFF!”.

It was Trista's voice, so I automatically obeyed as she half scrambled/half fell off the lap of-whoa!-Seth Minkoff. WHOA! A strategically undressed Seth Minkoff!

”Oh my G.o.d!” I screamed.

”Shhhhh!” Trista hissed. ”Turn out the lights!”

I did. ”Trista, were you having s.e.x with Seth Minkoff ?”

”Um, I can answer that,” Seth said. ”Yes. Yes, she was.”

”Shut up!” Trista snapped.

”What? I'm proud.”

”Trista!” I wailed. ”Brett's right in the next room!”

”And I'd like him to stay there, so get the h.e.l.l out and shut the h.e.l.l up!”

I staggered out, dazed, but then I heard loud clapping from the pub room. I realized that was a smart place to be. Another one of Brett's psychic c.o.c.ktails would be really good right now.

Brett was there, but he had new dancers keeping him company. Ree-Ree was on the bar, and the applause was from the crowd encouraging Claudia to climb up as well. I couldn't believe Claudia was going to dance on a bar, but she looked elated as Ree-Ree helped her up.

I threaded my way through the crowd. ”Hook me up, barkeep,” I said to Brett. He slid me a shot gla.s.s of something purple. Grape juice? I drank it. Not grape juice. Yow. I nodded for another.

”Ladies and gentlemen,” Ree-Ree called out once Claudia was steadied. ”I want you to meet my good friend and fellow bar dancer, The Amazing Miss Claudia!”

Applause from the room. I hooted.

”I have a special song picked out for Claudia, in honor of her beauty and her innocence. I say 'beauty,' even though most people would agree that her deathly pale skin and big spooky eyes are totally vomitous!”

My stomach dropped completely out of my body.

Ree-Ree had been planning this. She'd been building to it all night. She'd acted like Claudia's friend just so she could humiliate her in front of everyone. Claudia realized it, too, but she was too stunned and horrified to escape.

”Some might say that making out with her would be like making out with a corpse!” Ree-Ree said. ”My own boyfriend said that! Can you believe it?”

The crowd roared, eating it up. Then Ree-Ree spoke gently to Claudia. ”Did Cara tell you that, Claudia? Did she tell you Marsh said it was like making out with a dead person? Not that it's your fault.” Ree-Ree turned again to the crowd. ”It is not her fault, everyone, because our little corpse here had never been kissed until Marsh did her the favor a couple months ago. A couple months ago! Virgin lips before that! A toast to virgin lips!”