Part 62 (1/2)
”We got blocked at Flatbush Avenue this morning,” he said to Abe, ”and----”
But Abe was paying no attention to his partner's excuses. Instead he thrust a morning paper at Morris and with a trembling forefinger indicated the following scarehead:
RICH GIRL WEDS OWN CHAUFFEUR PFINGST FAMILY SHOCKED BY JULIA'S ELOPEMENT PAIR REPORTED IN SOUTH HEIRESS WAS ABOUT TO WED WEALTHY MERCHANT BEFORE FLIGHT OCCURRED
”What d'ye think of that, Mawruss,” Abe cried.
Morris read the story carefully before replying.
”That's a hard blow to Kleebaum and old man Pfingst, Abe,” he said.
”I bet yer,” Abe replied, ”but it ain't near the hard blow it's going to be to a couple of concerns what you and me know, Mawruss. Klinger told me only yesterday that Kleebaum would get twenty thousand with that girl, Mawruss, and I guess he needed it, Mawruss. Moe Rabiner says that they got weather like January already out in Minnesota, and every retail dry-goods concern is kicking that they ain't seen a dollar's worth of business this spring.”
”But Kleebaum's got a tremendous following in Minneapolis, Abe,” Morris said. ”He's got an oitermobile delivery system.”
”Don't pull that on me again, Mawruss,” Abe broke in. ”Women ain't buying summer garments in cold weather just for the pleasure of seeing the goods delivered in an oitermobile, which reminds me, Mawruss: Did Pfingst deliver you his oitermobile yet?”
Morris blushed.
”It was delivered yesterday, Abe,” he replied. ”But the fact is, Abe, I kinder changed my mind about that oitermobile. With oitermobiles I am a new beginner already, so I figure it out this way. Why should I go to work and try experiments with a high price car like that Pfingst car?
Ain't it? Now, you take a feller like Fixman who is already an expert, y'understand, and that's something else again. Fixman tried out the car last night, Abe, and he thinks it's an elegant car. So I made an arrangement with him that he should pay me fifteen hundred dollars cash and I would swap the Pfingst car for a 1907 model, Appalachian runabout.
That's a fine oitermobile, Abe, that Appalachian runabout. In the first place, it's got a detachable tonneau and holds just as many people as the Pfingst car already, only it ain't so complicated. Instead of a six cylinder engine, Abe, it's only got a two cylinder engine.”
”Two is enough for a start, Mawruss,” Abe commented.
”Sure,” Morris agreed, ”and then again instead of a double chain drive its only got a single chain drive, y'understand.”
Abe nodded. To him planetary and selective transmission were even as conic sections.
”Also it's got dry battery ignition, Abe,” Morris concluded triumphantly, ”instead of one of them--now--magneto arrangements, which I ain't got no confidence in at all.”
Abe nodded again.
”I never had no confidence in dagoes neither,” he said. ”Fellers which couldn't speak the English language properly, y'understand, is bound to do you sooner or later.”
”So Fixman and me goes around last night to see a feller what lives out in Johnsonhurst by the name Eleazer Levy which Fixman got it for a lawyer, and we drew a bill of sale then and there, Abe, and Fixman give me a check for fifteen hundred dollars on the Koscius...o...b..nk.”
”Was it certified?” Abe asked.
”Well, it _wasn't_,” Morris replied, ”but I stopped off at the Koscius...o...b..nk this morning and----”
”You done right, Mawruss,” Abe interrupted. ”The first thing you know Fixman would claim that the oitermobile ain't the same shade of red like the sample, Mawruss, and stops the check.”
”Fixman ain't that kind, Abe,” Morris retorted. ”The only reason I certified the check was that I happened to be in the neighborhood of the bank, because when you are at the Bridge, Abe, all you got to do is to take a Third Avenue car up Park Row to the Bowery and transfer to Grand Street. Then you ride over ten blocks and get out at Clinton Street, y'understand, and walk four blocks over. So long as it's so convenient, Abe, I just stopped in and got it certified.”
”A little journey like that I would think convenient, too, if I would got to travel to Johnsonhurst every day, Mawruss,” Abe commented, ”and anyhow, Mawruss, in a swap one of the fellers is always got an idee he's stuck.”
”Well, it ain't me, Abe,” Morris protested, ”and just to show you, Abe, me and Minnie wants you and Rosie you should come out and take dinner with us on Sunday, and afterwards we could go out for a ride in the runabout.”
”_Gott soll huten_,” Abe replied piously.