Part 9 (2/2)
THE VIRGIN
What pa.s.sion he puts into it! His soul is in his finger-tips.
A CRITIC
A human pianola!
THE GREAT PIANIST
This _scherzo_ always fetches the women. I can hear them draw long breaths. That plump girl is getting pale. Well, why shouldn't she? I suppose I'm about the best pianist she has ever heard--or ever _will_ hear. What people can see in that Hambourg fellow I never could imagine.
In Chopin, Schumann, Grieg, you might fairly say he's pretty good. But it takes an _artist_ to play Beethoven. (_He rattles on to the end of the_ scherzo _and there is more applause. Then he dashes into the_ finale.)
THE DEAN OF THE CRITICS
Too loud! Too loud! It sounds like an ash-cart going down an alley. But what can you expect? Piano-playing is a lost art. Paderewski ruined it.
THE GREAT PIANIST
I ought to clear 200,000 marks by this tournee. If it weren't for those thieving agents and hotelkeepers, I'd make 300,000. Just think of it--twenty-four marks a day for a room! That's the way these Americans treat a visiting artist! The country is worse than Bulgaria. I was treated better at Bucharest. Well, it won't last forever. As soon as I get enough of their money they'll see me no more. Vienna is the place to settle down. A nice studio at fifty marks a month--and the life of a gentleman. What was the name of that little red-cheeked girl at the cafe in the Franzjosefstra.s.se--that girl with the gold tooth and the silk stockings? I'll have to look her up.
THE VIRGIN
What an artist! What a master! What a----
THE MARRIED WOMAN
Has he really suffered, or is it just intuition?
THE GREAT PIANIST
No, marriage is a waste of money. Let the other fellow marry her. (_He approaches the closing measures of the finale._) And now for a breathing spell and a swallow of beer. American beer! Bah! But it's better than nothing. The Americans drink water. Cattle! Animals! _Ach, Munchen, wie bist du so schon!_
(_As he concludes there is a whirlwind of applause and he is forced to bow again and again. Finally, he is permitted to retire, and the audience prepares to spend the short intermission in whispering, grunting, wriggling, sc.r.a.ping its feet, rustling its programs and gaping at hats. The_ SIX MUSICAL CRITICS _and_ SIX OTHER MEN, _their lips parched and their eyes staring, gallop for the door. As_ THE GREAT PIANIST _comes from the stage_, THE JANITOR _meets him with a large seidel of beer. He seizes it eagerly and downs it at a gulp._)
THE JANITOR
My, but them professors can put the stuff away!
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