Part 21 (1/2)
”As you will,” answered the Wanderer bending his head as though in submission to her commands. But he did not continue the conversation, and a long silence ensued.
He wandered what was pa.s.sing in her mind, and his reflections led to no very definite result. Even if the idea of her loving him had presented itself to his intelligence he would have scouted it, partly on the ground of its apparent improbability, and partly, perhaps, because he had of late grown really indolent, and would have resented any occurrence which threatened to disturb the peaceful, objectless course of his days. He put down her quick changes of mood to sudden caprice, which he excused readily enough.
”Why are you so silent?” Unorna asked, after a time.
”I was thinking of you,” he answered, with a smile. ”And since you forbade me to speak of you, I said nothing.”
”How literal you are!” she exclaimed impatiently.
”I could see no figurative application of your words,” he retorted, beginning to be annoyed at her prolonged ill humour.
”Perhaps there was none.”
”In that case--”
”Oh, do not argue! I detest argument in all shapes, and most of all when I am expected to answer it. You cannot understand me--you never will--”
She broke off suddenly and looked at him.
She was angry with him, with herself, with everything, and in her anger she loved him tenfold better than before. Had he not been blinded by his own absolute coldness he must have read her heart in the look she gave him, for his eyes met hers. But he saw nothing. The glance had been involuntary, but Unorna was too thoroughly a woman not to know all that it had expressed and would have conveyed to the mind of any one not utterly incapable of love, all that it might have betrayed even to this man who was her friend and talked of being her brother. She realised with terrible vividness the extent of her own pa.s.sion and the appalling indifference of its objet. A wave of despair rose and swept over her heart. Her sight grew dim and she was conscious of sharp physical pain.
She did not even attempt to speak, for she had no thoughts which could take the shape of words. She leaned back in her chair, and tried to draw her breath, closing her eyes, and wis.h.i.+ng she were alone.
”What is the matter?” asked the Wanderer, watching her in surprise.
She did not answer. He rose and stood beside her, and lightly touched her hand.
”Are you ill?” he asked again.
She pushed him away, almost roughly.
”No,” she answered shortly.
Then, all at once, as though repenting of her gesture, her hand sought his again, pressed it hard for a moment, and let it fall.
”It is nothing,” she said. ”It will pa.s.s. Forgive me.”
”Did anything I said----” he began.
”No, no; how absurd!”
”Shall I go. Yes, you would rather be alone----” he hesitated.
”No--yes--yes, go away and come back later. It is the heat perhaps; is it not hot here?”
”I daresay,” he answered absently.
He took her hand and then left her, wondering exceedingly over a matter which was of the simplest.
It was some time before Unorna realised that he was gone. She had suffered a severe shock, not to be explained by any word or words which he had spoken, as much as by the revelation of her own utter powerlessness, of her total failure to touch his heart, but most directly of all the consequence of a sincere pa.s.sion which was a.s.suming dangerous proportions and which threatened to sweep away even her pride in its irresistible course.
She grew calmer when she found herself alone, but in a manner she grew also more desperate. A resolution began to form itself in her mind which she would have despised and driven out of her thoughts a few hours earlier; a resolution destined to lead to strange results. She began to think of resorting once more to a means other than natural in order to influence the man she loved.