Part 103 (2/2)
But old Fitzy now, Thou'rt only fit to tease me, And C----------M I vow, Has learn't the art to please me.”
By this time they were pa.s.sing Grosvenor gate, when the Hon. Tom Dashall directed the attention of his Cousin to a person on the opposite side of the street, pacing along with a stiff and formal air.
”That,” said he, ”is a new species of character, if it may properly be so termed, of which I have never yet given you any account. Sir Edward Knowell stands, however, at the head of a numerous and respectable cla.s.s of persons, who may be ent.i.tled Philosophic c.o.xcombs. He proceeds with geometrical exactness in all his transactions. You can perceive finery of dress is no mark of his character; on the contrary, he at all times wears a plain coat; and as if in ridicule of the common fop, takes care to decorate his menials in the most gorgeous liveries.
”The stiffness and formality of his appearance is partly occasioned by the braces which he very judiciously purchased of Martin Van Butch.e.l.l, and partly by the pride of wealth and rank.
”There is a pensiveness in his aspect, which would induce any one to imagine Sir Edward to be a man of feeling; but those who have depended upon outward appearances alone, have found themselves miserably deceived; for as hypocrisy a.s.sumes a look of sanct.i.ty, so your philosophic c.o.xcomb's apparent melancholy serves only as a mask to cover his stupidity.
”Sir Edward is amorously inclined; but he consults his reason, or pretends to do so, and by that means renders his pleasures subservient to his health. It cannot be denied he sometimes manifests contortions of aspect not exactly in unison with happiness; but his feelings are ever selfish, and his apparent pain is occasioned by the nausea of a debauch, or perhaps by the pressure of a new pair of boots. If you are in distress, Sir Edward hears your tale with the most stoical indifference, and he contemplates your happiness with an equal degree of apathy--a sort of Epictetus, who can witness the miseries of a brother without agony or sympathy, and mark the elevation of a friend without one sentiment of congratulation: wrapt up in self, he banishes all feeling for others.
~~361~~~ ”This philosopher has a great number of imitators--perhaps not less than one thousand philosophic c.o.xcombs visit London annually; and if Sir Edward were to die, they might all with great propriety lay claim to a partic.i.p.ation in the property he might leave behind him, as near relations to the family of the Knowells. These gentlemen violate all the moral duties of life with impunity: they are shameless, irreligious, and so insignificant, that they seem to consider themselves born for no useful purpose whatever. Indeed they are such perfect blanks in the creation, that were they transported to some other place, the community would never miss them, except by the diminution of follies and vices.
Like poisonous plants, they merely vegetate, diffuse their contagious effluvia around, then sink into corruption, and are forgotten for ever.”
”Whip me such fellows through the world,” exclaimed Sparkle, ”I have no relish for them.”
On calling in at Long's Hotel, they were informed that Sparkle's servant had been in pursuit of his master, in consequence of letters having arrived from the country; and as Dashall knew that he had two excellent reasons why he should immediately acquaint himself with their contents, the party immediately returned to Piccadilly.
CHAPTER XXVI
”-----Mark the change at very first vacation, She's scarcely known to father or relation.
No longer now in vesture neat and tight, Because forsooth she's learn'd to be polite.
But crop't--a bosom bare, her charms explode, Her shape, the _tout ensemble a-la-mode_.
Why Bet, cries Pa, what's come to thee of late?
This school has turn'd thy brain as sure as fate.
What means these vulgar ways? I hate 'em wench, You shan't, I tell thee, imitate the French; Because great vokes adopt a foreign taste, And wear their bosoms naked to the waist, D'ye think you shall--No, no, I loathe such ways, Mercy! great nokes shew all for nothing now adays.”
~~362~~~ The morning arose with smiles and suns.h.i.+ne, which appeared almost to invite our party earlier than they intended to the enjoyments of a plan which had occupied their attention on the previous evening, when Sparkle proposed a ride, which being consented to, the horses were prepared, and they were quickly on the road.
Pa.s.sing through Somers Town, Sparkle remarked to his friend Dashall, that he could not help thinking that the manners and information of the rising generation ought to be greatly improved.
”And have you not had sufficient evidence of the fact?” was the reply.
”Why certainly,” continued Sparkle, ”if the increase of public schools round the metropolis is in proportion to what has already met my eye during our present short ride, there is sufficient evidence that education is considered as it ought to be, of the first importance. Yet I question whether we are so much more learned than our ancestors, as to require such a vast increase of teachers. Nay, is not the market overstocked with these heads of seminaries, similar to the republic of letters, which is overwhelmed with authors, and clogged with bookmakers and books.”
~~363~~~ ”This remark,” replied Tom, ”might almost as well be made upon every trade and profession which is followed; in the present day there are so many in each, that a livelihood can scarcely be obtained, and a universal grumbling is the consequence.”
”Well,” said Bob, ”I can with safety say there are but two trades or callings that I have met with since my arrival in London, to which I have discovered no rivals.h.i.+p.”
This remark from Tallyho excited some surprise in the mind of his two friends, who were anxious to know to what he alluded.
”I mean,” continued he, ”the doll's bedstead seller, who is frequently to be heard in the street of London, bawling with a peculiarity of voice as singular as the article he has for sale,--'Buy my doll's bedsteads;'--and the other, a well known whistler, whom you must both have heard.”
”Egad you are right,” replied Sparkle; ”and although I recollect them both, I must confess the observation now made has never so forcibly struck me before: it, however, proves you have not exhausted your time in town without paying attention to the characters it contains, nor the circ.u.mstances by which they obtain their livelihood; and although the introduction is not exactly in point with the subject of previous remarks, and ought not to cut the thread of our discourse, it has some reference, and conveys to my mind a novel piece of information. But I was about to consider what can be the causes for this extraordinary host of ladies of all ages, cla.s.ses and colours, from the Honourable Mistress------to the Misses Stubbs, who have their establishment for the education of young ladies in a superior style; and whether in consequence of this legion of fair labourers in learning and science, our countrywomen (for I am adverting particularly to the softer s.e.x) are chaster, wiser, and better, than their mammas and grand-mammas.”
”A most interesting subject, truly,” replied Tom, ”and well worthy of close investigation. Now for my part I apprehend that the increase of tutors arises from many other causes than the more general diffusion of knowledge.”
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