Part 73 (2/2)

The friends to whom Dashall had sent round, one and all accepted his invitation, and the remainder of the day was devoted to that refined hilarity, of which his hospitable board was always the chief characteristic.

CHAPTER VIII

London, thy streets abound with incident.-- Das.h.i.+ng along, here roll the vehicles, Splendid, and drawn by highly pamper'd steeds, Of rank and wealth; and intermix'd with these, The hackney chariot, urg'd to sober pace Its jaded horses; while the long-drawn train Of waggons, carts, and drays, pond'rous and slow, Complete the dissonance, stunning the ear Like pealing thunder, harsh and continuous, While on either side the busy mult.i.tude Pa.s.s on, various and infinite.--

~122~~ THE following morning presented the exhilarating aspect of an unclouded sky, and the two friends were antic.i.p.ating, at the breakfast-table, the enjoyment of a fine day,--when

A double rat-tat, quickly doubled again, Announced an intruder of Consequence vain, Decorum inclin'd to defy all;-- Again went the knocker, yet louder and faster, John ran to the door, and one ask'd for his master, Resolv'd against taking denial.--

”My good fellow,” said the stranger, ”will you be after representing my obeisance and all that, to the Honorable Mr. Dashall, and I beg to know whether he is at home?”

”Your name, sir?”

”Augh, what does it signify?--Tell him an old friend with a new face,--arrah, not so,--tell him, that a new friend with no face at all at all, would be glad to wait upon him.--Sir Felix O'Grady, the Munster baronet, d'ye mind me?”

This was an unexpected visit, and the more kindly received by Dashall and Tallyho, who promised themselves considerable amus.e.m.e.nt in the acquisition of the baronet's society, which was readily conceded for the day, to their request.

~123~~ ”Have you breakfasted?” asked Dashall. ”Whether or not,” answered Sir Felix, ”I'll take a cup of taa with you, any how.”

When the repast was finished, the triumvirate set out on their pedestrian excursion; interrupted however, in their progress, by a temporary shower, they took refuge in a Coffee-house, where Sir Felix taking up a Newspaper, read from amongst the numerous advertis.e.m.e.nts, the following selected article of information,--”Convenient accommodations for ladies who are desirous of privately lying in, and their infants carefully put out to nurse.” ”Well now, after all,”

observed the baronet, ”this same London is a very convanient place, where a lady may gratify her pleasurable propensities, and at same time preserve an unblemished reputation. It is only going into the country, sure, for the benefit of her health; that is to say, she retires to one of the villages in the neighbourhood of London, pays her way without name given or questions asked, and in a few months, returns to Town improved in health, but more slender in person, all her acquaintance exclaiming, ”La! my dear, how vastly thin you have grown!”--

”There are in London and its neighbourhood,” said Dashall, ”numerous such convenient asylums; but I cannot acquiesce in their utility.--I am rather of opinion that they have a demoralizing tendency, as accelerating by concealment, the progress of licentiousness.--Human failings will still predominate, and the indulgence of illicit intercourse is less frequently prevented by an innate principle of virtue than the dread of shame. When facility of concealment is therefore given to the result, these connexions will still become more prevalent.”

”By the Powers,” exclaimed Sir Felix, ”but I think Morality ought to feel particularly benefited by these convanient asylums; they preserve reputation, and in some instances have prevented suicide and murder. I know of two cases wherein both crimes were perpetrated through a sense of shame and dread of discovery, which probably would not have happened could the unfortunates have resorted to ”convanient accommodations.”--Well, here's good luck to the fair s.e.x, the dear cratures! and may they, every one of them, die on a Christmas day, any how!”{1}

~124~~ This eccentric wish elicited a look of surprise from the Squire, which Sir Felix observing,--

”My rason is,” said he, ”that the gates of heaven being open all that day long, a body may slip in unknownst, as it is to be hoped that you, Mr. Dashall, and I may do, some day shortly without any interruption at all, at all.”

This ludicrous finis excited the laughter of the company--

”But lo! the clouds break off, and sideways run, Out from his shelter lively looks the sun:”

and the united observers of Real Life hailing the favorable presage, resumed their perambulation.--

Advancing along Piccadilly towards Hyde Park, they reached the splendid mansion of the hero of Waterloo; the gates were open, and a travelling carriage with four horses was in waiting for his Grace, who was then about setting off to inspect the fortifications of the Netherlands.{2} Neither Sir Felix nor Tallyho having ever seen the Duke, the triumvirate paused at the entrance of the Court-yard, until the carriage came forth, when they saluted the gallant warrior with the tribute of respect due to distinguished services and exalted genius, which his Grace very courteously returned.

1 On the subject of ”convenient accommodation for ladies who wish privately to ly in,” if we might hazard an opinion, it would be in coincidence with that of our friend Dashall.

These establishments' are certainly an encouragement to licentiousness, and it is well known, that in many of these receptacles, ”where the strictest honor and secrecy may be relied on,” the allurement of _abortion_ is held out to the unhappy female, if she declines the antic.i.p.ation of maternal solicitude.

2 Thirty-Two Great Personages! Anecdote of the Duke of Wellington,--His Grace, the Duke of Wellington, when last in the Netherlands, and travelling without attendants, in a part of the country where his mult.i.tudinous t.i.tles were not well understood, was overtaken on the road by a veteran officer, whose route lay in the same direction with that of his Grace. The Duke having occasion to stop; and as the officer would reach a certain town several hours before him, he requested that the veteran would take the trouble of ordering dinner for him, at the princ.i.p.al Inn. The old officer made his congee, and pro-ceeded on his mission. ”I am desired to order dinner here,” said he, to the landlord; ”but stay, I had better state who for.” Then calling for pen and ink, he presented the astonished and delighted host with the following list of his forthcoming ill.u.s.trious guests.

The Prince of Waterloo!

The Duke of Wellington.--The Duke of Ciudad Rodrigo, and The Duke of Vittoria.

The Marquis of Douro, and a Marshal General of France.

Master General of the Ordnance.

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