Part 65 (1/2)
”Whoe'er one night has slept within these walls, Has heard the din that each new comer calls, To where the keen-eyed Turnkeys wait to trace The lineaments of every novel face.
Each morning thro' the Bench goes forth a cry, By Colville sent thro' every gallery high.
To number ”One,” peals round the shout from ”Ten,”
Far rolling heard, ”Pull up! now Gentlemen!”
”This is the custom with every new comer, and is productive sometimes of much mirth to some, but of infinite mortification to others, according to the circ.u.mstances of the case. As it would occupy some time to describe them, I shall give you a poetical sketch of a morning in the Bench; and by the introduction of a fict.i.tious name, make you acquainted with a general practice. Imagine for a moment,
”Rous'd by the force of that Stentorian sound, Rose Belcour, dressed, and soon the lobby found.
About the door a throng of varlets stood, A grinning and ill-favoured brotherhood, That scoff and gibe at every wight that wears Linen less black, or better coat than theirs.
For these, young Belcour was too fair a mark; 'Make way,' cries one, 'he's going to the Park: His horses wait; he's going for a ride.'
'Fool, 'tis his tilbury,' another cried; 'D'ye think his lords.h.i.+p rides without his spurs?'
'A curse upon such base unmanner'd curs,'
Between his teeth impatient Belcour mutter'd, As each his wit so truly attic utter'd; Then, 'mid the laughter of the brutal throng, Dark frowning through the door he moved along.
Within the upper lobby Morris sate, And touch'd with easy complaisance his hat; And cried, not deigning from his seat to stir, 'We hope you're pretty comfortable, Sir.
'These chaps about the door are rather rum; 'But, love you! So they do to all that come.'
Short was the conference; the Turnkey's look Quick cognizance of Belcour's features took; And never, from that hour might he pa.s.s by Unnoted by that well-observing eye.”
”Well,” said Tallyho, ”I must confess such scrutiny on the one part, and such observations on the other, would be more than likely to ruffle my temper, and I should be apt to signify my disapprobation, at least of all that was unnecessary.”
”In that case,” replied Merry well, ”you would only subject yourself to additional torment: you would have songs, epigrams, lampoons, and epitaphs in abundance, which would prove still more irritating; for this is the seat of learning and of wit, of poets, painters, and musicians, who, being enraptured with their own arts, neglect that of book-keeping, till a residence here gives them a leisure opportunity to close their ledgers.
~55~~ Speaking on that subject, by the by, we have among us, at this moment, the publishers of the John Bull, whose combined efforts in the way of scurrility have rendered them notorious among the periodicals of present times. There is, however, little of public attraction about them; and although they profess to have a subscription opened, to enable them to pay the fine imposed upon them, it is doubted whether any such is really in existence. Here, however, is a character of another description:
Captain K---- is still a gay fellow, though I apprehend rather what we call hard up just now. He has had the opportunity of expending a very considerable property in seeing Life, but if report say true, it has been chiefly exhausted among the fair s.e.x, and coffee-house keepers.
Seldom much depressed in spirits, let the world wag as it will, he sometimes gives good dinners and enjoys himself with a friend, though I suspect that can, under present circ.u.mstances, only be done when he can pitch the gammon to the wine merchant, and induce him to stand the nonsense.”
”And do wine merchants give credit to persons in confinement?” enquired Bob.
”Certainly,” was the reply, ”for services done or promised to be done, or upon the security of some friend, who perhaps intends soon after to pay his engagements by a similar mode to that of the person whose debt he pretends to secure. No place can be found where the study of ways and means is more closely attended to than this. Of our prisons in general, much the same may be said as of our gaming houses; very few get out of them as they went in. A dupe is the general character of those who first enter; but they seldom fail to acquire that of knave before their departure. The air is infectious, the society fatal to morality and to honesty; few pa.s.s through the ordeal with purity, and return uncontaminated to the world; and yet, after all the frauds, tricks, and speculations practised, it is well to be acquainted with them, in order to guard against the recurrence, if a man can but have fort.i.tude enough to avoid practising them himself.~56~~
”Think not that the action of the place Is all revealed upon this open s.p.a.ce; The darkest portion of the picture lies Obscur'd and cover'd up from public eyes; Here much you see, that bids you all mistrust, Much that provokes aversion and disgust; New friends, who coolly ask a one pound note, Or borrow for an hour, then p.a.w.n, your coat.
Such stuff as this upon the surface swims; He little sees who but the surface skims.
How much of fraud and finished wickedness, How much of deep despair and keen distress, Thought of by few, and seen by none, the while, Is chamber'd in the niches of this pile!”
”Zounds,” cried Dashall, ”your pictures have so much light and shade, so much to admire, and so much to condemn, that there is scarcely any possibility of arriving at any conclusion.--Bless me, there is d.i.c.k Rakewell!”
”Do you know him?” said Merry well.
”What the devil are you doing here?” cried a young man advancing, and at the same time catching the Honourable Tom Dashall by the hand; ”Are you initiated, or merely come to take a peep at the curiosities of this menagerie? Have you tipp'd and shewn yourself in due form; or do you still sport a game leg among the gallants of Bond Street?”
”Fortunately,” said Dashall, ”I can still boast of the latter, and have no very strong inclination to aspire to all the honour and happiness of the former.”
”Grown serious and sedate; I suppose married, and ca'nt come--pretty wife--lots of children--love and fireside comfort at home--pleasure abroad--cash in hand, and care for n.o.body. That's the sort--give you joy with all my heart--never were such times.”
”I am glad you find them so,” continued Tom; ”but your antic.i.p.ations are a little too rapid, and your imagination rather too vivid for my proceeding; however, there is no knowing what we may come to; life is a labyrinth full of turnings and windings. But what brought you here?”