Part 33 (2/2)

You'll soon grow bright

With borrow'd light, And s.h.i.+ne as he goes round.”

He was also a bit of a dabbler at Poetry, a writer of Songs, Epigrams, Epitaphs, &c.; and having been a long resident in the East, was thought to be a very useful guide on such an excursion, and proved himself a very ~259~~ pleasant sort of companion: he had a dawning pleasantry in his countenance, eradiated by an eye of vivacity, which seemed to indicate there was nothing which gave him so much gratification as a mirth-moving jest.

”What spirits were his, what wit and what whim, Now cracking a joke, and now breaking a limb.”

Give him but food for laughter, and he would almost consider himself furnished with food and raiment. There was however a pedantic manner with him at times; an affectation of the clerical in his dress, which, upon the whole, did not appear to be of the newest fas.h.i.+on, or improved by wearing; yet he would not barter one wakeful jest for a hundred sleepy sermons, or one laugh for a thousand sighs. If he ever sigh'd at all, it was because he had been serious where he might have laugh'd; if he had ever wept, it was because mankind had not laugh'd more and mourn'd less. He appeared almost to be made up of contrarieties, turning at times the most serious subjects into ridicule, and moralizing upon the most ludicrous occurrences of life, never failing to conclude his observations with some quaint or witty sentiment to excite risibility; seeming at the same time to say,

”How I love to laugh; Never was a weeper; Care's a silly calf, Joy's my casket keeper.”

During dinner time he kept the table in a roar of laughter, by declaring it was his opinion there was a kind of puppyism in pigs that they should wear tails--calling a great coat, a spencer folio edition with tail-pieces--Hercules, a man-midwife in a small way of business, because he had but twelve labours--a.s.sured them he had seen a woman that morning who had swallowed an almanac, which he explained by adding, that her features were so carbuncled, that the red lettered days were visible on her face--that Horace ran away from the battle of Philippi, merely to prove that he was no lame poet--he described Critics as the door-porters to the Temple of Fame, whose business was to see that no persons slipped in with holes in their stockings, or paste buckles for diamond ones, but was much in doubt whether they always performed their duty honestly--he called the Sun the _Yellow-hair'd Laddie_ ~260~~ --and the Prince of Darkness, the _Black Prince_--ask'd what was the difference between a sigh-heaver and a coal-heaver; but obtaining no answer, I will tell you, said he--The coal-heaver has a load at his back, which he can carry--but a sigh-heaver has one at his heart, which he can not carry. He had a whimsical knack of quoting old proverbs, and instead of saying, the Cobbler should stick to his last, he conceived it ought to be, the Cobbler should stick to his wax, because he thought that the more practicable--What is bred in the bone, said he, will not come out with the skewer; and justified his alteration by a.s.serting it must be plain enough to the fat-headed comprehensions of those epicurean persons who have the magpie-propensity of prying into marrow-bones.

Dashall having remarked, in the course of conversation, that _necessity has no law_.

He declared he was sorry for it--it was surely a pity, considering the number of learned Clerks she might give employ to if she had--her Chancellor (continued he) would have no sinecure of it, I judge: hearing the pet.i.tions of her poor, broken-fortuned and bankrupt, subjects would take up all his terms, though every term were a year, and every year a term. Thus he united humour with seriousness, and seriousness with humour, to the infinite amus.e.m.e.nt of those around him.

Merrywell, who was well acquainted with, and knew his humour, took every opportunity of what is called drawing him out, and encouraging his propensity to punning, a species of wit at which he was particularly happy, for puns fell as thick from him as leaves from autumn bowers; and he further entertained them with an account of the intention he had some short time back of pet.i.tioning for the office of pun-purveyor to his late Majesty; but that before he could write the last line--”And your pet.i.tioner will ever pun” it was bestowed upon a Yeoman of the Guard.

Still, however, said he, I have an idea of opening business as a pun-wright in general to his Majesty's subjects, for the sale and diffusion of all that is valuable in that small ware of wit, and intend to advertise--Puns upon all subjects, wholesale, retail, and for exportation. N B. 1. An allowance will be made to Captains and Gentlemen going to the East and West Indies--Hooks, Peakes, Poc.o.c.ks,{1} supplied on

1 Well-known dramatic authors.

~261~~ moderate terms--worn out sentiments and _clap-traps_ will be taken in exchange. N B. 2. May be had in a large quant.i.ty, in a great deal box, price five acts of sterling comedy per packet, or in small quant.i.ties, in court-plaster sized boxes, price one melodrama and an interlude per box. N B. 3. The genuine puns are sealed with a true Munden grin--all others are counterfeits--Long live Apollo, &c. &c.

The cloth being removed, the wine was introduced, and

”As wine whets the wit, improves its native force, And gives a pleasant flavour to discourse,”

Frank Harry became more lively at each gla.s.s--”Egad!” said he, ”my intention of pet.i.tioning to be the king's punster, puts me in mind of a story.”

”Can't you sing it?” enquired Merrywell.

”The pipes want clearing out first,” was the reply, ”and that is a sign I can't sing at present; but signal as it may appear, and I see some telegraphic motions are exchanging, my intention is to shew to you all the doubtful interpretation of signs in general.”

”Let's have it then,” said Tom; ”but, Mr. Chairman, I remember an old Song which concludes with this sentiment--

”Tis h.e.l.l upon earth to be wanting of wine.”

”The bottle is out, we must replenish.”

The hint was no sooner given, than the defect was remedied; and after another gla.s.s,

”King James VI. on his arrival in London, (said he) was waited on by a Spanish Amba.s.sador, a man of some erudition, but who had strangely incorporated with his learning, a whimsical notion, that every country ought to have a school, in which a certain order of men should be taught to interpret signs; and that the most expert in this department ought to be dignified with the t.i.tle of Professor of Signs. If this plan were adopted, he contended, that most of the difficulties arising from the ambiguity of language, and the imperfect acquaintance which people of one nation had with the tongue of another, would be done away. Signs, he argued, arose from the dictates of nature; and, as they were the same in every country, there could be no danger of their being misunderstood.

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