Part 5 (2/2)
”It was thought so at first,” replied the _Peruquier_, ”but it was afterwards discovered that his Lords.h.i.+p had only fainted at the report of his opponent's pistol.”
”Ha! ha! ha!” said Tom, ”then it was a bloodless battle--but I should like to know more of the particulars.”
”Hold your head a little more this way, Sir, if you please--that will do, I thank you, Sir;--why, it appears, that in attempting to fulfil an a.s.signation with Mr. Webb's wife, the husband, who had got scent of the appointment, as to place and time, l.u.s.tily cudgelled the dandy Lord Whiskerphiz, and rescued his own brows from certain other fas.h.i.+onable appendages, for which he had no relish. His Lords.h.i.+p's whiskers were injured, by which circ.u.mstance some people might conceive his features and appearance must have been improved, however that was not his opinion; his bones were sore, and his mind (that is to say, as the public supposed) hurt. The subject became a general theme of conversation, a Commoner had thrashed a Lord!--flesh and blood could not bear it--but then such flesh and blood could as little bear the thought of a duel--Lord Polly was made the bearer of a challenge--a meeting took place, and at the first fire his Lords.h.i.+p fell. A fine subject for the caricaturists, and they have not failed to make a good use of it. The fire of his Lords.h.i.+p's features ~54~~was so completely obscured by his whiskers and mustachios, that it was immediately concluded the shot had proved mortal, till Lord Polly (who had taken refuge for safety behind a neighbouring tree) advancing, drew a bottle from his pocket, which, upon application to his nose, had the desired effect of restoring the half-dead duellist to life and light. The Seconds interfered, and succeeded in bringing the matter to a conclusion, and preventing the expected dissolution of Shampetre, who, report says, has determined not to place himself in such a perilous situation again. The fright caused him a severe illness, from which he has scarcely yet recovered sufficiently to appear in public--I believe that will do, Sir; will you look in the gla.s.s--can I make any alteration?”
”Perhaps not in your story,” replied Tom; ”and as to my head, so as you do not make it like the one you have been speaking of, I rely solely on your taste and judgment.”
The Peruquier made his bow--”Sir, your politeness is well known!” then turning to Tallyho, ”Will you allow me the honour of officiating for you, Sir?”
”Certainly,” replied Bob, who by this time had seen the alteration made in his Cousin's appearance, as well as been delighted with the account of the duel, at which they all laughed during the narration--and immediately prepared for action, while Dashall continued his enquiries as to the fas.h.i.+onable occurrences during his absence.
”There have been some other circ.u.mstances, of minor importance,”
continued the Peruquier--”it is said that a certain Lord, of high military character, has lost considerable sums of money, and seriously impaired his fortune--Lord ---- and a friend are completely ruined at hazard--there was a most excellent mill at Moulsey Hurst on Thursday last, between the Gas-light man, who appears to be a game chicken, and a prime hammerer--he can give and take with any man--and Oliver--Gas beat him hollow, it was all Lombard-street to a china orange. The Masked Festival on the 18th is a subject of considerable attraction, and wigs of every nature, style, and fas.h.i.+on, are in high request for the occasion--The Bob, the Tye, the Natural Scratch, the Full Bottom, the Queue, the Curl, the Clerical, the Narcissus, the Auricula, the Capital, the Corinthian, the Roman, the Spanish, the French, the Dutch--oh! we are full of business just now. Speaking of the art, by the by, reminds me of a circ.u.mstance which occurred a very ~55~~short time back, and which shows such a striking contrast between the low-bred citizens, and the True Blues of the West!--have the kindness to hold your head a little on one side, Sir, if you please--a little more towards the light, if you please--that will do excellently--why you'll look quite another thing!--From the country, I presume?” ”You are right,” said Bob, ”but I don't want a wig just yet.”
”Shall be happy to fit you upon all occasions--masquerade, ball, or supper, Sir: you may perhaps wish to go out, as we say in the West, in coy.--happy to receive your commands at any time, prompt attention and dispatch.”
”Zounds! you are clipping the wig too close,” said Tom, impatient to hear the story, ”and if you go on at this rate, you won't leave us even the _tail_ (tale).”
”Right, Sir, I take--'and thereby hangs a tale.' The observation is in point, _verb.u.m sat_, as the latinist would say. Well, Sir, as I was saying, a citizen, with a design to outdo his neighbours, called at one of the first shops in London a very short time since, and gave particular orders to have his _pericranium_ fitted with a wig of the true royal cut. The dimensions of his upper story were taken--the order executed to the very letter of the instructions--it fitted like wax--it was nature--nay it soared beyond nature--it was the perfection of art--the very acme of science! Conception was outdone, and there is no power in language to describe it. He was delighted; his wife was charmed with the idea of a new husband, and he with his new wig; but
”Now comes the pleasant joke of all, 'Tis when too close attack'd we fall.”
The account was produced---would you believe it, he refused to have it--he objected to the price.”
”The devil take it!” said Tom, ”object to pay for the acme of perfection; this unnaturally natural wig would have fetched any money among the collectors of curiosities.”
”What was the price?” enquired Bob.
”Trifling, Sir, very trifling, to an artist 'of the first water,' as a jeweller would say by his diamonds--only thirty guineas!!!”
”Thirty guineas!” exclaimed Bob, starting from his seat, and almost overturning the _modernizer_ of his head.
~56~~Then, recollecting Sparkle's account of Living in Style, and Good Breeding, falling gently into his seat again.
”Did I hurt you, Sir?” exclaimed the Peruquier.
Dashall bit his lip, and smiled at the surprise of his Cousin, which was now so visibly depicted in his countenance.
”Not at all,” replied Tallyho.
”In two minutes more, Sir, your head will be a grace to; Bond Street or St. James's; it cuts well, and looks well; and if you will allow me to attend you once a month, it will continue so.”
Tom hummed a tune, and looked out of the window; the other two were silent till Bob was released. Tom _tip'd the blunt_, and the interesting young man made his conge, and departed.
”A very interesting and amusing sort of person,” said Bob.
”Yes,” replied Tom, ”he is a walking volume of information: he knows something of every thing, and almost of every body. He has been in better circ.u.mstances, and seen a great deal of life; his history is somewhat remarkable, and some particulars, not generally known, have excited a considerable portion of interest in his fate among those who are acquainted with them. He is the son, before marriage, of a respectable and worthy tradesman, a celebrated vender of bear's grease,{1} lately deceased, who
1 The infallibility of this specimen cannot possibly be doubted, after reading the following
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