Part 43 (1/2)

”But I can't face it!”

”Then it will destroy you,” he said regretfully.

”But it's not physical,” Edsel said. ”It's just emotion.”

”Emotion suffices,” Justin said. ”It can wipe out the mind. It is called insanity ”

”So if she flees it, and it catches her, she's doomed.” Edsel said. ”But if she faces it down, maybe she'll make it.”

”That is the situation ”

”Maybe not.” Breanna said. ”Has anyone ever tried to intercept one of those things? I mean, someone it's not aimed at?”

”I do not believe so. But-”

Breanna jumped out of the boat, caught her balance, and stood in the path of the spook. ”Come on, spook,” she cried. ”You've got to get through me first.”

The thing loomed up-and pa.s.sed right through the girl. Breanna couldn't touch it.

Pia knew what she had to do. ”If I can't escape it, I might as well face it.” she said. She got out of the boat and stood beside a small pond. This was not courage, but desperation; she was quaking.

The hump sailed toward her. followed by Breanna. But the girl stopped when she saw Pia. This was something that only Pia could tackle.

Pia hoped she looked brave from a distance. It certainly wasn't the case up close. Her heart was pounding, her hands were shaking, and she knew her eyes were dilated. The only thing that stopped her from turning to run away was her certainty that it would catch her and be even worse than if she faced it.

The thing loomed close. It slowed, orienting on her. It began to a.s.sume the form of a person, or rather, a horrible parody of a person. ”Who are you?” she demanded timorously.

The shape continued to clarify. It became female, with a shapely body, a heart shaped face, green eyes, and long dark brown hair. It looked weirdly familiar. In fact- She looked at its reflection in the pond. Beside it was her own reflection. The two figures were the same.

She was terrified of herself!

She was indeed terrified, and it was her image. But behind the fever of her fear, a certain animal cunning lurked. Were things really as they seemed? Or was this apparition fooling her in a way she did not understand?

She peered at the thing, and saw that its face was colored. Did that mean something? It was black. What did that mean? Red might be rage, green might be jealousy, blue might be sick, yellow might be fear, but what was black? She was sure it had nothing to do with race; Breanna of the Black Wave had abolished any such concern. It had to be an emotion-she felt it almost overwhelming her-but which one?

”What are you?” she asked.

The figure moved closer. Its face began to show the highlights of a skull. But it wasn't death, just a comparison to death. Something she'd rather die than do. Or, rather, admit.

”What awful secret do you hide?” she asked desperately.

The figure reached for her. She knew it would blast her mind if she didn't counter it. But how could she do that it she didn't know what it was?

Desperately she reviewed her concerns, frustrations, and fears. She couldn't think what it was. But there was something much worse than a cookbook. So bad that she couldn't recognize it even when it stared her in the face. What was this black emotion?

Then she did something extremely nervy, for her. She reached out and touched the thing's hand.

Suddenly the emotion clarified. It was Guilt! She was so horribly guilt-ridden for something that she couldn't even face it. But now she had to, lest she be destroyed by it. What was her guilt?

Then, slowly and painfully, it came to net. Her guilt was about Edsel. And his friend Dug. For she had been Dug's girlfriend, and tired of him, supposing Edsel to be more entertaining. So she had flashed a bit of this at Edsel-the figure's blouse faded to show breast and cleavage-and a bit of that-it showed high thigh. And in a moment she had captured his fancy. Then all that remained was to engmeet an exchange. It had been almost too easy. So Dug was without girlfriend, and Edsel was with her. And Pia was satisfied.

But it had been dirty. Dug was a fine man, eminently undeserving of such treatment. Oh, he had found another girlfriend, in Kim, and was happy now. But that did not ameliorate Pia's guilt for the way she had treated him. She should have been up-front, told him how she felt, a.s.sured him that it was no fault in him, and wished him well. Instead she had covertly dumped him.

And now, long after she thought she had buried it forever, that guilt had returned to haunt her. To overcome her. The girls of Xanth thought that there was shame in accidentally showing their panties. They didn't know what real shame was.

The irony was that there was nothing she could do about it. Dug was better off with Kim than he had been with Pia-and Pia was worse off with Edsel than she had been with Dug. She had been doing neither Dug nor Edsel any favor. She wasn't worth their company. She would be doing them both a favor by getting the bleep out of the picture.

”You win,” she said to the awful figure. Then she turned and leaped into the pond.

In half a moment she realized that even in this she had messed up. First, she couldn't drown herself, because she was to good a swimmer and the pond was too small. Second, the water was only knee deep. She had gotten soaked for nothing.

Para was there, floating to her rescue. But Pia waved him away. ”I guess I really can't escape.” she said. ”I have to deal with it.” The odd thing was that she was feeling better now, despite her bedraggled condition She felt better than ever, physically, and more confident emotional.

She saw the others in the boat. Breanna dipped her hand in the water, and opened her mouth, but Justin cautioned her, and she was silent. They were leaving Pia alone to settle this herself, in whatever way she could.

She stood and strode out of the pool toward the figure ”I know what I have to do.” she said. ”I have to stop bursing, stop running, and handle my guilt. I have to learn from bad experience. I can't change the past, but I can change the present and the future. I can stop being so stupidly, shallow and start being a better woman. I can make sure that I never wrong a good man again.” She turned to look at Edsel. ”And I can bleeping well do everything I can to make our marriage work.”

She turned back to face the spook. ”I can do all the things I wouldn't do before. I can learn to cook. I can do the laundry. I can-” She paused with dawning surmise. ”I can have children, and be a mother. I can do the whole family bit. So that I have nothing to feel guilty about any more.”

Then she walked right into the figure ”So do your worst. spook. I'm ashamed of how I was. but I don't have be that any more.”

But the figure was gone. It had dissipated as she touched it. She had banished the spook.

Para came up to her, carrying the others. ”That pool,” Breanna said ”Do you know what it is?”

”Not deep enough.” Pia said. ”I'm a mess.”

”It's a healing spring.” Breanna said. ”We didn't realize before.”

”A healing spring?” Pia asked blankly.

”Whatever injuries or whatever you have, it makes them better.”

”The only problem I have are physical and emotional.” Pia said ”My diabetes and my att.i.tude. And I'm fixing the second.”

”I think it fixed the first.” Breanna said. ”How ate you feeling now. Physically?”

”Cieat. I Never better. But diabetes isn't something a mere splash in a pool can fix.”

”Why not?”

Pia considered. ”Well, I don't know. But if I discover that I can get along without insulin shots, then I'll know.” She turned to Edsel. ”Meanwhile, I'll do what I can, Ed, the marriage is on.”

”On?” he asked, looking as if he expected this to be a joke.

”And we'll do it your way. With children and home cooking.”

”I-I don't understand.”

He had been too far away to overhear her dialogue with the guilt spook. She climbed into the boat and hugged him. ”You will. But right now you'll have to settle with me wet.”