Part 6 (2/2)
One of the most significant questions leaders can ask themselves is this: How do I create a culture that attracts people on a quest? In our meetings, in our one-on-ones, what am I doing to facilitate those qualities?
Good leaders ask a lot of questions. It's easy to think good leaders answer answer a lot of questions, but I don't think that's true. I remember one day sitting at my desk at work and being terribly frustrated about something. So I called Max DePree. I've found that to be one of my best strategies when I am frustrated. a lot of questions, but I don't think that's true. I remember one day sitting at my desk at work and being terribly frustrated about something. So I called Max DePree. I've found that to be one of my best strategies when I am frustrated.
After I explained the situation to him, Max said, ”Nancy, you do know, don't you, that leaders are only right about 50 percent of the time?”
No, Max, I did not know that. Thanks for telling me now now-where were you with that interesting little tidbit twenty years ago?
Fifty percent, is he kidding me? I had been operating for years under the a.s.sumption that leaders need to be right at a 90 percent average or better. Ever felt relieved and confused at the same time?
Good leaders teach their teams to think. One of the strongest responses a leader can use is this: ”I don't know; what do you think?” That question is an invitation to contribute, partic.i.p.ate, choose, and direct. Giving people a choice honors their dignity as human beings. (That's another thing Max taught me; you honor the dignity in another person, you do not bestow it. I think that is very profound. We should all spend at least a full day thinking about that idea, as well as its implications.) Giving people a choice encourages the quest. People on a quest have a much better chance of moving toward a vision than people who are not on a quest.
People on a quest often change other people. In Axis, we were challenged and changed by a person in our ministry (not on the leaders.h.i.+p team) who was on a quest. His name was Quinn.
Quinn was about twenty-four when he started attending Axis. He was a bit different than the average Axis attendee in that he had already experienced a great deal of success in business at an early age. He drove a Mercedes-Benz, and I am pretty sure he was the only one in Axis who did. Yeah, take that to the bank.
Anyway, Quinn started attending Axis because some of his friends did, and they had told him about the pretty girls there. Sometimes you can't be too proud about whatdraws people to your ministry. So Quinn started coming to the services, hanging out with people afterward, even joining a home group.
People who are on a quest are transformed.
Interestingly Quinn was driven to find the answer to one question. He wasn't asking about redemption, the Cross, or even life after death. He simply wanted to know if these people who said they were Christ-followers actually t.i.thed. He was really stuck on the 10 percent thing. And everywhere he went, Quinn asked that question.
After the Axis service, when everyone went out to Chili's or over to someone's home, Quinn grilled people: Do you really give 10 percent of your income to church? He didn't care about net or gross, he just couldn't believe anyone would believe so deeply in something that he or she would engage in this kind of giving.
At many of our Axis leaders.h.i.+p meetings, someone would tell a Quinn story, about him attending an evangelism cla.s.s (now that's hilarious, this seeker guy going to a Contagious Christian cla.s.s, mostly to ask his question), or going to a party, drilling people with his question. Quinn was definitely on a quest.
Quinn's quest affected most of us on the leaders.h.i.+p team. Stories of Quinn prompted discussions of our practice of giving and whether or not we did. Some who weren't regularly t.i.thing began to do so as a result of our conversations.
Quinn encountered many people his own age, most of them making much less than he was, who could authentically and enthusiastically answer yes to his question, and follow it up with reasons why they gave. Somewhere in the middle of Quinn's quest, he met Jesus. Quests transform people.
Scot McKnight also says that people are open to change when they are in a crisis. For a team this could be a personal crisis or an organizational one. The bottom line is this: Often during a crisis, people are most open to new information and the possibility of change.
Leaders need to respond to both. A personal crisis in the life of one of your team members is an opportunity for you to move toward him or her. (Occasionally you might have a team member who is perpetually in crisis; that is not what I am talking about here. That is a huge issue that needs to be dealt with directly.) I know of leaders who have helped a team member ob tain a vehicle, find a counselor, and pay bills. The accessibility of a leader in times of personal crisis is a reflection of authenticity and care. By listening and asking questions, you can help the person in crisis to not be paralyzed or feel like a victim. It will also convey that you are not merely interested in the person for what he or she contributes at a work level, but as a person with a life-a person who from time to time has a crisis.
An organizational crisis becomes an opportunity for a team to rally together and debate and make decisions around the appropriate response and direction in the face of the problem. Crisis becomes the impetus for open and honest discussions on a team.
A quest, a crisis-seeds . . . buried, cultivated. A few questions, a little crisis-a lot of growth.
what you may not know about Mongooses*
”IT IS THE HARDEST thing in the world to frighten a mongoose,because he is eaten up from nose to tail with curiosity.” That's from thing in the world to frighten a mongoose,because he is eaten up from nose to tail with curiosity.” That's from Rikki-Tikki-Tavi Rikki-Tikki-Tavi in case you need to credit the source the next time you use that quote. in case you need to credit the source the next time you use that quote.
The best leaders I know display an uncommon confidence that rea.s.sures people. They are comfortable in their own skin and exude an indomitable spirit that inspires others. Interestingly, one of the things this confidence has at its core is an unceasing curiosity.
Deeply curious people put themselves in the posture of a learner almost all of the time. They are full of questions, always wanting to know more and constantly expanding their understanding of all kinds of subjects. They listen and absorb information, thoughts, and perspectives different from their own.
* Apparently the plural of mongoose is not mongeese.
We often coach two very different kinds of leaders. The first is not curious and, I would say, is often driven by fear. Whenever observations and feedback are given, the uncurious leader responds with defensiveness and rationalizations. With these leaders there are no questions, only hurt silence, quiet pa.s.sivity, or statements designed to protect themselves.
The second type of leader is curious. These leaders respond from a position of wanting to gather information and trying to understand. Whether it is negative feedback, a missed opportunity, or the future direction of the organization, this leader is interested and inquisitive, wondering not if if this will be solved, but this will be solved, but how how.
So what is the connection between curiosity and fear? It seems that when one increases, the other decreases. Perhaps it is not a lack of curiosity that makes us fearful, but fear that prevents us from being curious. Or maybe it's the other way around. The good news is that without solving the riddle of the chicken and the egg, I think we can tackle it from either end.
Fear produces poor leaders.h.i.+p and poor leaders.h.i.+p pro duces bad organizations. You can smell fear when you walk into a building; it permeates the meeting rooms and the break areas. You can see it in the eyes and hear it in thevoices. Fear makes us tentative; it causes us to hesitate and posture. Fear is exhausting, but those who are living in it feel as if it is their only choice.
So what is the connection between curiosity and fear? It seems that when one increases, the other decreases.
The politics of fear consume vast amounts of timethat ought to be spent focusing on vision and strategy. Instead, we waste our most precious resources of time and talent on diffused energy and spinning wheels.
Fear causes us to make poor decisions and then to second-guess those decisions. It forces us to retreat into business-as-usual mode, keeping our heads down and choosing our battles. It makes us small and weary and on edge, with the crunching sound of eggsh.e.l.ls always in our ears.
That's the bad news.
The good news is that leaders can do a lot to abolish a culture of fear within their organizations. Since many culture-shaping behaviors begin with the leader, good leaders always need to ask themselves what role they are playing in creating a climate of fear in their organizations.
It's often difficult and painful to trace fear back to its roots; fear has a lot a lot of sources. But at the risk of soundingtherapeutic, let me just say this: Unless you are willing to go to the place where fear began, you won't have a lot of luck changing it. of sources. But at the risk of soundingtherapeutic, let me just say this: Unless you are willing to go to the place where fear began, you won't have a lot of luck changing it.
And just to add to the complexity, a lot of leaders.h.i.+p behavior that looks ”non-fearful” is actually teeming with fear. Stuff like command and control, because-I-said-so, and rigid thinking. These things look different than slumped shoulders and averted eyes, but they are not.
Often the top leaders of an organization are the source of much of the fear. And sometimes it is their fault. Sometimes it is not. We worked with one organization where everyone on the leaders.h.i.+p team seemed to be afraid of giving open, honest feedback to the leader. You know, the kind of feedback that can derail people and companies if it's not given.
Anyway, at every break-yes, every one-during the two-day off-site seminar, a different member of the team, or sometimes a small group of them banded together for support, would corner my partner or me and implore us to tell the leader some of the truth, even just a piece of it, that they were holding.
They had wild eyes that darted furtively back over their shoulders, scanning to make sure the leader didn't see them engaged in this stealth activity. They spoke in hushed tones and told us with a.s.suredness that they were ”not the only ones who feel this way.”
”Everyone is afraid of him. No one can tell the truth; we get punished if we do.” We heard it again and again.
And then, a funny thing happened. With some gentle coaching and setup from us, one person ventured out into the truth. Hesitatingly at first, but then emboldened by the sound of his own words, he continued.
Interestingly and surprisingly, the leader responded, ”I was afraid that's what people might be thinking. I am so glad you said something. What can we do about that?”
He was afraid too. And glad that someone had the courage to speak the truth. And wondering if they could come up with a collaborative and right solution.
Now I'm not writing fairy-tale endings, but this really did happen. And because it did, the courage of one person to challenge the faulty mind-set of that team started ever so slowly to s.h.i.+ft the culture of that company.
They had been so afraid, and so sure that their boss would react angrily to their speaking up, that they kept quiet. But here's the deal: Sometimes we are afraid of things that aren't scary. Sometimes it is our our problem rather than the other person's. Sometimes we create a culture of fear all by ourselves. problem rather than the other person's. Sometimes we create a culture of fear all by ourselves.
Sometimes we project all of our own fears onto the leader, and then criticize that leader for being scary. Kind of put that person between the rock and the hard place, don't we?
Strong leaders become Rorschach blots for our own fears. So although it may feel counterintuitive, sometimes the place to begin unraveling a culture of fear is with ourselves.
Perhaps the best question to help us do that is this: What am I I afraid of? The answer to this will help create clarity, both about the worst thing that could happen and where our fears are rooted, internal or external. What personal issues of feeling abandoned, needing to please people, or lacking self-esteem might we be ignoring by claiming that someone else is causing the fear? And just by asking these questions rather than reacting defensively, we put ourselves in the curious world, where fear is diminished. afraid of? The answer to this will help create clarity, both about the worst thing that could happen and where our fears are rooted, internal or external. What personal issues of feeling abandoned, needing to please people, or lacking self-esteem might we be ignoring by claiming that someone else is causing the fear? And just by asking these questions rather than reacting defensively, we put ourselves in the curious world, where fear is diminished.
It's so much easier to blame our fear on someone else, especially our leader. She's getting paid more anyway, we tell ourselves. Might as well blame her. It is so much easier when the fault lies with another person, because then we don't have to do all that hard soul excavation, that heavy lifting.
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