Part 12 (1/2)
His gaze was anguished, but he didn't look away. ”You paint a bleak picture. It couldn't possibly be that bad. Memories are short, and once people get to know you, they'll forget the old scandals. I'm willing to take the risk of social disapproval.”
”That's a credit to your good heart if not your good sense.” She peeled the spattered drops of cool wax from her hand. ”You've never been the target of such hating and disdain and you underestimate how hurtful it is. Since I know, I will not allow you to take on such a burden.” The wax was peeled away, leaving angry red marks. Raising her gaze to him, she said, ”We should be only the most distant of friends, my lord. You can have any woman you want, so find one who fits you and your life, and . . . and be happy.”
Unable to bear any more, she bolted into her room. As she closed the door behind her, he said in a low, anguished voice, ”You're wrong. Obviously, I can't have any girl I want.”
His words were a knife slash to her heart. She closed and locked the door with shaking hands, then leaned against the heavy wood panels as she fought tears. She wished she believed that together they could build a good life. But when he wasn't holding her, all the slights and insults of her past sprang to stinging life.
Will might not mind that she was a b.a.s.t.a.r.d. But everyone around him would.
Chapter 18.
Stunned, Will stared at Athena's door. He didn't have to hear the bolt snapping into place to recognize finality. They'd been enjoying each other's company so much till tonight, and now a few words had changed everything.
He'd never felt so helpless in his life. Mind reeling, he returned to the family sitting room. Sofia had tactfully withdrawn, leaving Justin. When Will entered the room, his friend asked, ”Bad?”
”I asked Athena to marry me.” He drew a shaky breath. ”Apparently, the lady would rather see me in Hades.”
Justin lifted a bottle and poured a generous measure into a goblet. ”I think you need some of the local brandy, which is quite fine.” He handed the gla.s.s to Will. ”I don't know any of the details, but Miss Markham was clearly shocked at the knowledge that you're a peer of the realm.”
”An understatement.” Will sank into the sofa, then accepted the brandy and swallowed deeply. The kick of alcohol steadied his nerves. ”I was a d.a.m.ned fool to propose marriage when she was in a state of shock.”
”She seemed to like you well enough until I made the mistake of revealing your grand origins.” Justin frowned over his brandy. ”I'm sorry. It never occurred to me that she didn't know your rank.”
Will sighed. ”You couldn't have known. Though I recognized that she wasn't fond of the aristocracy, I didn't deliberately keep my t.i.tle secret. Being Lord Masterson has had very little to do with my life in recent years.”
”Most women would be delighted to have a rich, t.i.tled gentleman interested in them, but obviously there is more going on here,” Justin said gently. ”Do you want to talk about it?”
Will needed to talk, and Justin was clear-sighted as well as a good listener. Swirling the brandy absently, Will debated how much he could say without violating Athena's privacy. ”Athena is illegitimate. Her mother was a daughter of one of the grander aristocrats, but she chose a life of wanton scandal. She lived as a courtesan to the great and powerful and apparently chose to have an illegitimate child as a companion.”
”Good heavens, Lady Delilah Markham?” Justin said, startled. ”I didn't know she had a daughter.”
Will's brows arched. ”You knew Lady Delilah?”
”I never met her, but I once saw her at a distance in Porto. She was dazzling, the kind of woman a man stares at, and then tries desperately to learn who she is. I've heard any number of stories. She was said to be as wild as she was beautiful and charming. Now that I think of it, I vaguely recall that she had a very visible affair with one of the Gabrileno royals. The king?”
”No, Prince Alfonso.” Since Justin knew the general facts of Delilah's life, Will added, ”That was the basis of Athena's connection with San Gabriel.”
”Who is her father?”
”A grand lord who was revolted by her very existence and supported her on the condition she never reveal who he was. After her mother died, Athena was entirely alone and her father had her sent to a vicious, b.l.o.o.d.y-minded school, presumably to have the wildness stamped out of her.”
Justin whistled softly. ”I begin to understand why she isn't fond of lords. Do you know her father's name?”
”If I did, I'd be tempted to find the wretch and break a few bones,” Will said dryly. ”Other than that, it doesn't matter to me what her bloodlines are. We just realized that we first met during the bridge of boats disaster in Porto five years ago. She was in the midst of saving a child from drowning, and almost drowning herself. She is who she is, and that's enough for me.”
”I knew you were there, but it's remarkable that she was also!” Justin exclaimed. ”Did she get caught in the middle of the battle on her way to San Gabriel?”
”Exactly. She was collecting Princess Maria Sofia, who was at a convent school in Porto. When the French invaded, she was instrumental in getting the nuns and students to safety. That's when I met her. Then she escorted the princess and another Gabrilena girl home. She's lived here ever since, but would like to go home to England. In some way that no one will notice her.”
”Intrepid woman! Well suited to you,” Justin said. ”She reminds me of someone, but I can't place the resemblance. Maybe it will come to me.”
”She's sometimes called Lady Athena here as a t.i.tle of respect. She has earned that respect, just as I earned the right to be called Major Masterson. Being called Lord Masterson is just a superficial accident of birth,” Will said with exasperation. ”Unlike actually having money, which can be useful. But if peerage t.i.tles matter, I did offer her one. She thinks there is an impa.s.sable gap between us. I don't.”
”Do you intend to give up on winning her over?”
”Of course not. You know how stubborn I can be. Athena is . . .” Will shook his head. He'd cared greatly for her already, and the honor and vulnerability she'd shown tonight had made him care even more. ”I've never met her equal. I'm not leaving San Gabriel till I've fulfilled my obligations here. That should give Athena time to recover from her shock and realize that I'm not on some b.l.o.o.d.y unreachable pedestal.”
Justin poured himself more brandy. ”But you are on a pedestal, though not an unreachable one.”
”I don't care that she's illegitimate!” Will said explosively. ”How can I get her to believe me?”
”She may believe that you don't care, but she has reason to believe that everyone else does.” Justin shook his head. ”You're as fair-minded and tolerant a man as I've ever met, but you were born to privilege. You always knew that someday you'd be Lord Masterson. As a fish in the sea doesn't recognize the water he swims in, I don't think you're fully aware of just how privileged you are.”
”Athena said something similar,” Will admitted. ”I know that I've been fortunate, but that doesn't make me special in any way that matters. I'm legitimate and Mac isn't, but he's much brighter and more popular than I, and he's made a fortune by his own efforts. He's never lacked for confidence.”
”I think Mackenzie learned early how to fake confidence well, probably to compensate for the bar sinister. Have you ever talked to him about the difference between your legitimacy and his lack of it?”
Surprised, Will said, ”That was never necessary because it wasn't important.”
”Not to you, but I'd wager anything you like that the difference mattered to Mac.” Justin's brow furrowed. ”Most of our cla.s.smates at the Westerfield Academy were as privileged as you. I was the only one in the first cla.s.s who wasn't an aristocrat. Ashton was a duke at age ten, you and Kirkland and Wyndham always knew you would inherit t.i.tles, Randall inherited a substantial estate and is in line to inherit an earldom. None of you had easy childhoods, but you were all raised swaddled in privilege.”
Will frowned at Justin. ”Were you made to feel inferior? I wouldn't have thought so, but obviously I'm not very observant.”
Justin grinned. ”I'm a Scot. Why would I give a d.a.m.n about the opinions of a bunch of Sa.s.senach? That said, Lady Agnes created an egalitarian atmosphere at the school so there was little bullying or sn.o.bbishness.”
”The Westerfield Academy is for boys of good birth and bad behavior, so how did you end up there?” Will asked, curious. ”I know the reasons why our other cla.s.smates were sent, but not yours. You always seemed to get on very well with your parents.”
”I did and do. I was incredibly fortunate to have them as parents. I attended Westerfield because of cra.s.s opportunism,” Justin said promptly. ”My father liked that the school was founded by a duke's daughter and thought it would be good for the business if I went to school with 'a pack of aristocratic brats,' as he put it. I wasn't keen on the idea at first, but he promised that if I hated the place, he'd send me somewhere else. But I liked my cla.s.smates, adored Lady Agnes, and settled in quite happily.”
”Your father wasn't wrong,” Will said with a flicker of humor. ”The whole pack of us aristocratic brats now drink Ballard port.”
”The friends.h.i.+ps are real. The excellent port is a bonus.” Justin poured more brandy in their gla.s.ses. ”I wonder. When Miss Markham told you about her illegitimacy and her notorious mother, did you have to tamp down an initial spurt of revulsion?”
”Not even for an instant.” What Will had felt was profound tenderness. ”I want to protect her from every wretched person who's ever hurt her.”
”Not the sort of relations.h.i.+p to abandon lightly,” Justin said. ”For what it's worth, I think your plan of quietly waiting until Miss Markham has time to get used to the idea that you're a peer is reasonable. I have no better suggestions.”
”I'm not giving up easily, but she's as stubborn as I am.” Will laughed suddenly. ”One of many reasons I like her.”
Justin raised his gla.s.s. ”A toast to your success! From what I know of the lady, I think she'll suit you very well. Plus, the two of you look splendid together!”
Will clinked his gla.s.s against Justin's. ”I hope I can persuade her as well as I've persuaded you.”
After they'd both drunk to that, Justin said a little wistfully, ”Because your feelings seem to be mutual, I think you have a good chance of winning her hand and heart. I rather envy that. At least you have hope.”