Part 9 (1/2)
”I'm sorry,” he said raggedly. ”I didn't mean that to happen. We're still working on friends.h.i.+p, and I know you don't want to go further.”
Though her tall figure was taut and her eyes were great dark pools of shadow, her voice was wryly amused when she said, ”I must admit that for a few minutes there, I did want to go further. You're rather dangerously attractive, you know.”
He blinked. ”That is not a comment I've ever heard before.”
”Then you've spent too many years in the masculine environs of the army. If you moved in more normal society, you would find yourself being hunted.”
”I'm quite sure you're the only woman in the world who would think that, but I'm flattered.” His smile faded. ”Delightful as it is to kiss you, I know that premature pa.s.sion might lead to disaster. I don't want to risk driving you away and destroying the friends.h.i.+p we're developing.”
Arms still crossed under her shawl, she leaned against one of the narrow pillars that framed the entrance to the gazebo and regarded him thoughtfully. ”I've never met a man who values friends.h.i.+p with women as much as you do.” Her voice turned dry. ”Most males seem far more interested in bedding than in being friends.”
Her perception was part of what drew him to her, even when it was uncomfortable. He began pacing across the roof with tight steps as he chose his words. ”I do value friends.h.i.+p greatly. I was a very lonely child until my brother, Damian, came to Hayden Hall. My father didn't understand how much I needed a companion, which was why I would not allow my brother to be sent away.”
”Did your father ever take the time to know your brother?”
Will's lips tightened. ”No. He accepted that he was responsible for Mac and paid school fees and living expenses, and later he bought Mac a commission. But he could barely stand to be in the same room with him. Mac's existence was a reminder of my father's less-than-respectable behavior.”
”It sounds as if your father was something of a hypocrite,” she observed.
”He was,” Will agreed. ”Apart from Mac, my family wasn't terribly satisfactory, which is why friends.h.i.+ps have been so important to me. The friends.h.i.+ps formed at my school have become so deep and lasting because we were all misfits of one sort or another. But we learned we could trust each other. That created lasting bonds.”
”Like your battlefield friends.h.i.+ps?”
Will thought of the night Lily had died, when his frantic message had brought one of his oldest school friends, Ashton, to his side through a near-lethal blizzard. If the circ.u.mstances had been reversed, Will would have done the same for Ashton. The mutual loyalty and trust were beyond question. ”Very like.”
”You said Justin Ballard was a school friend, so I a.s.sume he's one of that school brotherhood?”
”Yes, which is why I know he'll send the aid I requested. I would do no less for him. Friends.h.i.+ps make life worth living.” He hesitated, then continued. ”Honesty compels me to admit that friends.h.i.+ps between men and women can be difficult because there is always that underlying awareness of difference.”
” 'Vive la difference,'” Athena murmured in French. In her normal voice, she asked, ”Do you have many female friends?”
”Not as many as I would like. As you point out, I've been living mostly among men for years. But Lady Agnes Westerfield, founder of the school where Mac and I were sent, is an extraordinary woman. She has a gift for educating boys and I treasure her friends.h.i.+p. Several of my school friends are married, and the wives I've met are remarkable women. We're friendly now, and I hope that when I'm back in England, we'll develop deeper friends.h.i.+ps. My brother's wife, Kiri, is amazing. You'd like her, I think. You have much in common.”
”That could mean instant antagonism instead!” Her eyes narrowed thoughtfully. ”Your proposal that we ask each other personal questions leads into interesting and impertinent subjects. Is there one of your friends' wives whom you wish were yours?”
Will shook his head decisively. ”They're all intelligent, attractive women, but I've never once thought of any of them like that. Wives of friends are untouchable.”
”An admirable sentiment,” she said with approval.
He studied the subtle play of starlight that defined Athena's tall, graceful figure, and thought of how they'd met thras.h.i.+ng in the crowded waters of the Douro. She'd been on the verge of drowning from the weight of her saturated nun's robes, but she'd struggled on to save herself and the child locked under her arm. ”Even if the ladies my friends married were free, none would be quite right for me. Or me for one of them.”
”That will make it possible to develop deeper friends.h.i.+ps with them.” Athena straightened and stepped down to the level roof, her lips curving in a slight smile. ”Very well, we shall continue to develop our friends.h.i.+p. But perhaps it's better if we stay out of touching distance.”
There was nothing he would like better than to close the distance between them and wrap his arms around her again, but only a fool would ignore what she was saying. Glad she wasn't ending their tentative relations.h.i.+p, he said, ”Luckily, there is so much to be done in San Gabriel that we should be able to behave with decorum.”
For now, at least . . .
Athena was grateful for the shadows as she led the way down the stairwell, because the erratic light concealed her trembling. She'd found Will Masterson attractive from the beginning, but she hadn't expected that serious kissing would swiftly dissolve all her good sense. She'd been close to tumbling into category four, an affair, without any conscious thought. Thank G.o.d that Will had more self-control than she did!
As she reached the family floor and stepped into the corridor, then turned back so the light of her candlestick illuminated the last steps for her companion, she thought about what a truly decent man Will Masterson was. Kind, considerate, and honorable to a fault, not to mention powerfully attractive. If she wanted to have an affair, she could hardly choose better for a lover.
But the fiercely independent part of her nature that had enabled her to survive and build an unconventional but satisfying life drew back from the thought. Pa.s.sion was a kind of madness that destroyed good judgment, as this evening had demonstrated. She would be no man's mistress because no matter how careful lovers might be, there was always the risk of pregnancy. As a b.a.s.t.a.r.d herself, she'd sworn never to inflict the state on a child of her own.
And category five was impossible. Now that the long wars were over and Will was returning home, it was natural for him to want to find a wife and settle down. But he should wait until he was in England, where there would be many choices of a bride.
She and he did like each other and there was some attraction-actually, quite a lot of attraction-but she was just a chance-met female who happened to be a fellow Briton in an unexpected location. That wasn't enough to build a marriage.
No matter how hard she tried, she could not imagine fitting into the comfortable life of a country gentleman, even with a man as lovely as Will. Growing up, she'd had enough of cuts direct and whispers behind her back. Being the honorable sort, he would feel that he must defend his wife, but that would put him at odds with some of his friends, which wasn't fair to him.
If she was going to be an outsider, she would be one on her own terms.
Will was glad he'd had the discipline to escort Athena to her rooms, bow politely, and head off to his own bed without touching her. But he paid for his restraint by sleeping badly. Romance and pa.s.sion had had little place in his life for years. Now that he'd met Athena Markham, they'd come roaring back with a vengeance.
He was painfully aware that she was perhaps a hundred paces away at the opposite end of this long corridor. If he broke down and went to her door, would she open it? Probably not. But if she did, what then? They might share a night of glorious fulfillment-and in the morning she'd never want to see him again.
Patience, William. Patience. More and more, he believed he wanted her for category five, marriage. But that wouldn't come without a great deal more wooing and winning. And if he was to keep from destroying all chance of success, he'd d.a.m.ned well better get out of touching distance for a while.
He could do that. With a plan in mind, he finally drifted into sleep.
Athena slept badly as the merits of an affair were debated between her sensible, rational mind, which had always served her well, and her blazing physical desire, which had never served her well.
Perhaps she should have included a sixth category on her list? Flirtation, in which two people enjoyed one another's company in a romantic way, but without the intention of going further. She'd tell Will about it in the morning....
She awoke with reason firmly in charge. That lasted until she went downstairs to breakfast with the Olivieras, who were their usual cheerful selves. She was halfway through eggs scrambled with onions and peppers when Will entered the dining room, and her reason collapsed. Why did that scarlet uniform have to be so d.a.m.nably attractive?
His smile briefly touched her, but it was for everyone in the room. He looked as if he'd slept better than she had.
Senor Oliviera said, ”Major Masterson, we worked well last night. Our plans are good.”
”Yes, and today we start to put them into effect.” He pulled up an empty chair at the far end of the table from Athena and seated himself. ”After breakfast, I thought you and Sergeant Oliviera and I could sit down with a map of San Gabriel and tentatively lay out the defense districts.”
Senor Oliviera blinked. ”You move quickly.”
”It's a British trait,” his son Gilberto explained. ”Very exhausting for those of us accustomed to savoring life at a slower pace, but sometimes useful. Once we have an idea of the districts, we can ride through the valley to discuss and organize.”
Will nodded as a well-piled plate was set in front of him by a young Oliviera daughter. He thanked her, then said, ”By this afternoon, we should be ready to ride out. I thought you, Senor, and the sergeant? You for persuasion, Gilberto to speak to his fellow soldiers and to start to organize the defense units.”