Part 6 (1/2)
”Reviewing history's a great idea, that's the only way you can make things change.”
”Very clever, but I'd prefer to leave philosophical discussions to one side for the moment. I'm sure that, like all young men, you hold in your hands the precise formula for putting the world to rights. However, like all young men, you will one day be as old as me and then you'll see that it's not so easy to change things. But there's no point talking about that now. Can you grant me that favor?”
”I must first ask you something: Did she say goodbye?”
”No.”
”Did she say she was going away?”
”No, she didn't. You know that.”
”Do you think that, given the kind of person Esther is, she would be capable of leaving a man she had lived with for more than ten years without first confronting him and explaining her reasons?”
”That's precisely what I find most troubling. But what are you getting at?”
The conversation was interrupted by Roberto, who wanted to know if we were ready to order. Mikhail asked for a Napolitana and I told Roberto to choose for me-this was hardly the moment to be worrying about what I should eat. The only thing we needed urgently was a bottle of red wine, as quickly as possible. When Roberto asked me what sort of wine and I muttered an inaudible reply, he understood that he should simply leave us alone and not ask me anything else during lunch, but take all the necessary decisions himself, thus leaving me free to concentrate on my conversation with the young man before me.
The wine arrived within thirty seconds. I filled our gla.s.ses.
”What's she doing?”
”Do you really want to know?”
It irritated me to receive a question in response to mine.
”Yes, I do.”
”She's making carpets and giving French lessons.”Carpets! My wife (ex-wife, please, do try and get used to it), who had all the money she could possibly need, had a degree in journalism, spoke four languages, was now obliged to making a living weaving carpets and giving French lessons to foreigners? I must get a grip on myself. I couldn't risk wounding the young man's male pride, even though I thought it shameful that he couldn't give Esther everything she deserved.
”Please, you must understand what I've been going through for the last year or more. I'm no threat to your relations.h.i.+p with Esther. I just need a couple of hours with her, or one hour, it doesn't matter.”
Mikhail appeared to be savoring my words.
”You haven't answered my question,” he said, with a smile. ”Do you think that, given the kind of person Esther is, she would leave the man of her life without at least saying goodbye and without explaining why?”
”No, I don't.”
”Then why all this stuff about 'she left me'? Why do you say, 'I'm no threat to your relations.h.i.+p with Esther'?”
I was confused. I felt something like hope stirring inside me-not that I knew what I was hoping for or where that hope had come from.
”Are you telling me that...”
”Exactly. I'm telling you that she hasn't left you or me. She has just disappeared for a while, possibly forever, but we must both respect that.”
It was as if a bright light were suddenly s.h.i.+ning in that pizzeria, a place that had always brought me good memories and good stories. I desperately wanted to believe what the young man was saying; the Zahir was now pulsating all around me.
”Do you know where she is?”
”Yes, I do. But even though I miss her as much as you do, I must respect her silence. I find this whole situation as confusing as you do. Esther may have found satisfaction in the Love That Devours, she might be waiting for one of us to go and find her, she may have met a new man, or she may have withdrawn from the world altogether. Whatever the truth, if you do decide to go and find her, I can't stop you. But, if you do, you must know one thing: you must find not only her body, but also her soul.”
I felt like laughing. I felt like hugging him, or possibly killing him-my emotions changed with startling speed.
”Did you and she...”
”Did we sleep together? That's none of your business. I found in Esther the partner I was looking for, the person who helped me set out on the mission I was entrusted with, the angel who opened the doors, the roads, the paths that will allow us-if our Lady is willing-to restore the energy of love to the earth. We share the same mission. And just to put your mind at rest: I have a girlfriend, the blonde girl who was on stage with me last night. Her name's Lucrecia; she's Italian.”
”Are you telling me the truth?”
”Yes, in the name of the Divine Energy, I am.”
He took a sc.r.a.p of dark fabric out of his pocket.
”Do you see this? The cloth is actually green; it looks black because it's caked with dried blood. A soldier somewhere in the world asked her before he died to remove his s.h.i.+rt, then cut it into tiny pieces and distribute those pieces to anyone capable of understanding the message of his death. Do you have a piece?””No, Esther has never even mentioned it to me.”
”Whenever she meets someone whom she feels should receive the message, she also gives them a little of the soldier's blood.”
”And what is the message?”
”If she didn't give you a piece of the s.h.i.+rt, I don't think I can tell you; not, of course, that she swore me to secrecy.”
”Do you know anyone else who has a piece of that cloth?”
”All the people who appear with me at the restaurant do. We're only there because Esther brought us together.”
I needed to tread carefully, to build up a relations.h.i.+p, to make a deposit in the Favor Bank. I mustn't frighten him or seem overeager; I should ask him about himself and his work, about his country, of which he had spoken with such pride; I needed to find out if what he was telling me was true or if he had some ulterior motive; I needed to be absolutely sure that he was still in touch with Esther or if he had lost track of her as well.
He may have come from a remote country, where the values are different, but I knew that the Favor Bank operated everywhere: it was an inst.i.tution that knew no frontiers.
On the one hand, I wanted to believe everything he was saying. On the other, my heart had suffered and bled enough during the thousand and one nights I had lain awake, waiting for the sound of the key in the door, for Esther to come in and lie down beside me, without saying a word. I had promised myself that if this ever happened, I would ask her no questions. I would just kiss her and say, ”Sleep well, my love,” and we would wake the next day, hand in hand, as if this whole nightmare had never happened.
Roberto arrived with the pizzas. He seemed to be endowed with some kind of sixth sense that told him when I needed time to think.
I looked at Mikhail again. Keep calm; if you don't get your pulse rate under control, you'll have a heart attack. I drank a whole gla.s.s of wine and noticed that he had done the same.
Why was he so nervous?
”Oh, I believe what you say. But we've got plenty of time to talk.”
”You're going to ask me to take you to her.”
He had spoiled my game. I would have to start again.
”Yes, I am. I'm going to try to persuade you. I'm going to do everything in my power to do just that. I'm in no hurry though; we've got a whole pizza to eat first. Besides, I want to know more about you.”
I noticed that he was trying to keep his hands from trembling.
”I'm a person with a mission. I haven't yet managed to fulfill it, but I think I still have time to do so.”
”Perhaps I can help you.”