Part 26 (1/2)

I wanted to look away, but I couldn't. There was a kind of excruciating fascination to his performance.

”I'm going to explain what you don't know about these hits,” he told the wiseguys. ”And then we will talk about, er, some suitable precautions that I strongly feel are advisable.”

As Max laid out the facts about Charlie's and Johnny's doppelgangsters, the strange ways the victims had died, and what we believed we understood so far about the doppelganger phenomenon that was occurring here in the city, the bewildered revulsion on the wiseguys' faces changed to open skepticism.

”Whoa. Whoa. Whoa Whoa,” said Mikey Castrucci. ”You're saying you met with Johnny Be Good after after he was dead?” he was dead?”

”That's right,” said Max. ”So you can understand why we thought this phenomenon worthy of investigation.”

Mikey shoved his chair away from the table. ”That's it. I'm outta here.”

As the gangster stomped out of the crypt, Max said, ”Nelli? If you please.”

In a frightening burst of speed for so large a beast, Nelli leaped across the room, jumped on Mikey, and knocked him down to the floor. He screamed in terror. Except for Lucky, everyone in the room jumped to his feet.

Tail wagging, Nelli started sniffing Mikey all over.

Obviously afraid to go near an unpredictable dog that big, Danny demanded, ”What the f.u.c.k is going on? What is that mutt doing?”

Nelli paused in her task long enough to glance at Danny with open dislike. Then, enormous ears flopping, she went back to examining Mikey.

”Yo, listen up,” Max said. ”I have instructed Nelli to frisk you guys.”

”We been been frisked!” protested Fast Sammy. ”So you know we ain't packin' heat!” frisked!” protested Fast Sammy. ”So you know we ain't packin' heat!”

”I ain't looking for your heaters,” said Max. ”I'm attempting to ascertain if any of you is a doppelgangster.”

Nelli finished sniffing Mikey, then turned her back on him and returned to Max's side.

”So,” Danny said. ”I guess he's not a dopp . . . whatever.”

”Doppelgangster,” said Max. ”No. At least, we hope not. In truth, Nelli's never encountered one, and she's very new to this dimension, so we're not positive she can identify one. But it does seem worth trying, don't you agree?”

Danny guffawed. ”You think one of those doppelgangsters is here? here?”

”It's certainly possible,” said Max.

”This is bulls.h.i.+t!” Mikey Castrucci hauled himself off the floor, dusted himself off, and stormed out of the crypt, radiating wounded pride.

Lucky looked at Danny, who did not stop his subordinate from departing. ”Are you you staying?” staying?”

”h.e.l.l, yes,” said Danny. ”I ain't heard anything this funny since Bob Hope pa.s.sed away. Hey, make my day and tell me he's been doppelgangstered, too. What I wouldn't give to see him perform again! I loved loved that guy!” that guy!”

Who would have guessed that Danny the Doctor had a sense of humor?

Fast Sammy said to Danny, ”Come on, boss, this Zadok guy is a whack job.”

”Shut the f.u.c.k up,” said Danny. ”I'm enjoyin' myself.”

Since it wouldn't look good to leave the capo alone at a sit-down with three Gambellos, Fast Sammy grumbled but stayed in his chair.

”Now what?” Danny prodded.

”Now,” Max said, ”Nelli will frisk everyone here, while I finish what I was saying before that babbo babbo created a commotion and left.” created a commotion and left.”

”Watch you your mouth,” Danny warned.

”Madonna,” Max said. Max said.

So Nelli walked around the room sniffing everyone, which Danny found quite amusing. And he couldn't contain his hilarity when Max reached the crux of the matter.

”Me? Me? Me? A doppelgangster of Johnny told you he'd met a doppelgangster of A doppelgangster of Johnny told you he'd met a doppelgangster of me? me?” Danny laughed so hard that his beady eyes watered. ”Oh, no! Oh, my G.o.d! It's too good!”

When Max explained that we'd had some concerns until Nelli examined him, that he he could be the doppelgangster, I thought Danny would fall off his chair laughing. could be the doppelgangster, I thought Danny would fall off his chair laughing.

”I a.s.sure you, my dear fellow . . . er, buddy,” said Max, ”this is not a laughing matter.”

”You're killing me!” Danny cried, pressing his hands over his stomach as if it ached, while he continued to laugh uproariously.

He had not struck me as a mirthful person. I guess you never can tell.

”The only reason we're having a sit-down with you, you schmendrick, schmendrick,” Lucky said in exasperation, ”is that if your doppelgangster is is out there somewhere, then we're willing to believe you guys ain't behind these hits.” out there somewhere, then we're willing to believe you guys ain't behind these hits.”

”So we need . . .” Max sighed, sat down, and took off his hat. Since the sit-down was going so far off course anyhow, he evidently decided to abandon his attempts to establish a Mafia persona to make the wiseguys feel more comfortable with him. ”Oh, dear. I must not be explaining this crisis with sufficient clarity.”

Father Gabriel patted Max on the shoulder. ”I can see you're in deadly earnest, Dr. Zadok. But, well, surely you three must realize how absurd this sounds?”

”If we'd had any doubts before,” I said, ”I think we certainly realize it now.”

”I'm telling you, Danny,” said Lucky, ”this is serious business. We came here tonight to warn you. We think you're marked for death.”

Danny sputtered with renewed laughter. ”Oh, Lucky! I wish we weren't blood enemies! I'd always heard you was a fun guy, but I had no idea! idea!”

Max added, ”Please, Mr. Dapezzo, we truly believe your perfect double is roaming the city preparing to curse you.”

”Hoo, hoo, haw, haw, mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha-HA!”

Max rubbed his brow. ”I'm not communicating this very well.”

I said, ”You did fine, Max. It's just, er, not being received as we had hoped.”

Max sighed, met my gaze, and nodded. ”Mercury Retrograde. I should have realized what could happen.”

After Danny left, red-faced with mirth and gasping for air, we discovered he had dropped the piece of paper we had given to him with Max's and my phone numbers written on it in case he couldn't reach Lucky at a crucial moment. When we spotted it on the floor, I grabbed it and ran upstairs, hoping to catch Danny. He and Fast Sammy were outside the church and getting into their car-which Mikey Castrucci was driving, and which was waiting curb-side for them-when I caught up with Danny.

I pressed the piece of paper with our phone numbers into Danny's hand, reiterated our warning, and urged him to call us if he saw anything unusual.

He cracked up again, and was still laughing as his car rolled away from St. Monica's.