Part 22 (1/2)

*Alanna's here. She's very good with him, and I'm only two rooms away. If he cries, cuddle him. He loves being rocked and going up and down stairs.' She lays a hand on his arm just as she leaves. *Relax,' she says. *You're going to be great.'

There is not a peep from Henry as Gabby walks down the hallway to Olivia's room. She knocks tentatively on the door and waits, but there is no response.

*Olivia? Let me come in.'

She turns the handle and opens the door. Olivia is sitting at her desk, pretending to be immersed in work; but her back and shoulders are tense, and she won't turn round and look at her mother, won't respond.

*I talked to your grandmother last week about what to do, whether or not to tell Henry's father he has a son, because I wasn't going to. She pointed out, and I agree, that the father has a right to know Henry; that Henry has a right to know his father. He flew in from California today and I told him at lunch, and I honestly didn't know what his reaction would be, but he wants to be involved.'

*Involved how?' Olivia spits. *Involved with you?'

*No. Not with me. There is nothing between us any more.' Gabby doesn't know if it is her imagination but she is certain she sees a slight relaxation of Olivia's shoulders. *Involved with Henry.'

*But he's in your bedroom. And he's the man responsible for Dad leaving. If it wasn't for him, you and Dad would still be together. We'd still be a real family.'

*Oh, Olivia. We are still a real family. If you're going to blame anyone at all for what happened, blame me. I know you have blamed me, but don't blame Matt. He had no idea of the circ.u.mstances of my life, and he's a nice man.'

*I just ...' Olivia's voice chokes. *I just wish things were how they used to be. I wish you and Dad were still together. I wish he wasn't with that horrible Trish. I wish everything was like the old days.' She dissolves in tears and Gabby rushes to comfort her.

*I know,' she croons. *I wish that too, but we have to accept that things are different. This is our life now. We can't keep looking into the past and wis.h.i.+ng for something that no longer exists. We have to move forward. You have to find a way to accept Henry's father because, like it or not, he's a part of this family.'

*He's not a part of my family.'

There is little point in saying anything else, in trying to persuade Olivia otherwise when she is in a mood like this. Gabby kisses her daughter on the top of her head and leaves her, knowing that she needs some time on her own, that she will re-emerge in an hour or so, pretending to still be grumpy, although she will, in fact, be fine.

Gabby closes Olivia's bedroom door softly then stands and thinks for a moment about what Olivia said in there, her description of *that horrible Trish'. Thank G.o.d, she thinks, feeling ever so slightly guilty. But thank G.o.d it isn't just me.

In her bedroom Matt is now standing, walking around, gently rocking Henry and singing him nursery rhymes, while Alanna lies on stomach on the bed, heels up in the air, laughing each time Matt gets the words wrong, which he is clearly doing deliberately to make Alanna laugh.

Gabby smiles and goes downstairs to her mother, who grins broadly at her as she finishes topping a cottage pie with grated cheese.

*Well!' She turns, folding her arms and beaming. *What a wonderful man. Boy. I'm not sure which, but he's wonderful. What does he think of his son?'

*I think he thinks he's pretty amazing.' Gabby wells up, sitting at the table and running her fingers through her hair. *G.o.d, I feel emotionally exhausted. All the pent-up dread and antic.i.p.ation, but it couldn't feel more right. I think Matt's fallen in love.'

*Who wouldn't fall in love with that delicious little baby, who is, by the way, the best baby ever? Hardly a peep out of him. Makes me wish I'd had more.'

*Except they would undoubtedly have been screamers like me,' Gabby reminds her.

*True.' Natasha pops the cottage pie into the oven and sets the timer. *Now, is there any laundry to be done? I'll go upstairs and check, shall I?'

*No. Mum, it's fine. Sit.' Gabby gestures to the chair, not wanting to overtire her mother, who is turning out to have surpa.s.sed all Gabby's expectations, even the deeply hidden ones she had thought were no more than wild hopes. Natasha hasn't stopped looking after all of them, making Gabby wonder if, in fact, part of the problem had been that Gabby was an only child. Natasha needs a crowd, needs to be needed by a large number of people, not one independent, self-sufficient child.

Perhaps she could see Gabby never needed her, which is why she pulled in all the waifs and strays in the first place. Now she is needed. By Gabby. By the girls. By Henry, and now, perhaps, by Matt.

Natasha is in her element, cooking, doing laundry, and Gabby wants to tell her how grateful she is, but doesn't know how to say the words. Instead she reaches out and squeezes her mother's hand, and her mother squeezes back, because she knows what Gabby would say if she was able to say the words.

They both turn as Matt comes into the room, Henry starting to fuss in his arms. Matt holds him out, panicked, and Gabby takes her son, who instantly calms down when his mother holds him.

*Would you like to stay for supper?' Natasha asks with a bright smile. *It's cottage pie.'

*What's cottage pie?'

*Shepherd's pie,' explains Gabby. *In England shepherd's pie is made with lamb, and cottage pie with beef, but here I know everyone just calls it shepherd's pie.'

Matt looks at Natasha, shaking his head slowly. *I have no idea how you knew this, but that happens to be my favourite dish.'

*There are those who have called me something of a witch,' Natasha says, twinkling.

*No, I think it was a ”b”,' Gabby says. *b.i.t.c.h. They said you were a b.i.t.c.h.' Matt watches as she and her mother crack up.

*Well? Are you staying?' Natasha directs her attention back to Matt.

*Let me talk to Gabby,' he says, for which she is entirely grateful. It is so like her mother to invite all and sundry to stay, and she cannot blame her for inviting Matt, who she has clearly taken an immediate s.h.i.+ne to.

There is Olivia to think of, and Alanna, although Alanna seems fine. And there is Gabby, who is delighted, but unprepared for Matt to suddenly be a part of this family. She thinks it is probably the right thing for the future, but needs to take it slowly.

*Do you want to go for a walk?' Matt says.

Gabby puts Henry in his bouncing chair, grabs her coat and gloves, slips her feet into snow boots, then they set off down the road.

*I feel completely overwhelmed,' Matt confesses, as they reach the corner. *I have no idea what to feel about this. I'm thrilled, and awed. And scared. I don't know if I'm ready to be a father.'

Gabby says nothing, but gives him room to try to sort out his thoughts, imagining how hard this must be for him, dealing with such unexpected news.

*At lunch, when you told me, I was freaking out inside, but then I thought, okay, so I made you pregnant, but it didn't mean my life would have to change. I hadn't thought about kids, other than to a.s.sume I'd have them at some point, but I figured that was all down the road. I guess I came back to meet him because it felt like something I had to do, but I didn't expect to feel ...' He shakes his head. *I didn't expect to love him. Instantly. To feel this ... this, bond. Like I would do anything for him, would throw myself off a bridge for him. I know it sounds dramatic, but it's just that I have never felt anything like this, and I've spent, what? An hour with him? Two?'

*He's your son,' Gabby says simply. *You're supposed to feel that way. That's what parenthood is. It's utterly selfless. You put your own thoughts and feelings and desires aside, without even being aware of doing it, and you put your children first.'

*So what do we do now? How do we do this? I have to be a part of his life, but I don't want to get in the way of yours, or do anything that would make you uncomfortable.'

Gabby stops and turns to him, tears in her eyes. *Thank you. Thank you for saying that.'

*Gabby, I didn't expect this. But now that he's here, I couldn't hope for a better mother for my son. I know you're an amazing mother, and I know how much you do for your kids. I don't want to do anything other than be there for Henry when he needs me. Listen, your mom is awesome, and I love that she invited me for dinner, but I don't know that I should stay. I was thinking that maybe, if I go back to the hotel this evening, I could change my flights and stick around for a few days. I could spend time with Henry, and you and I could perhaps figure out some kind of schedule. You know, I could fly over here a couple of times a month to see him, or something.'

*That sounds perfect,' Gabby says. And it does.

Chapter Thirty-Three.

*Are you nearly ready?' Trish calls out from the bathroom, where she is finis.h.i.+ng putting on her make-up, while Elliott sifts through the handful of clothes he now keeps in her closet.

This is all moving very fast. A little too fast, he thinks, pulling out another new s.h.i.+rt Trish had insisted on buying him. He looks at himself in the mirror, not quite recognizing the man who stares back at him.

It isn't that Trish is trying to change him, she teased him; she is just trying to gently propel him from eighteenth-century New England wasp to a modern man.

She has bought him Italian suede driving loafers to replace his old loafers; deck shoes from France; fine cashmere s.h.i.+rts; Ermenegildo Zegna jeans, which, he had to admit, did fit him beautifully.