Part 22 (2/2)
”Hi. You guys must be Noah and Billy. I'm Shoshana, and this is my mom, Pam, and sister, Emily.”
Introductions were made all around.
Pam walked over to Alexis and put a plump arm around her shoulders. Emily looked at Shoshana and raised one eyebrow.
”Everything okay, dear?” Pam asked Alexis, who had tears in her eyes.
”I refuse to go out there looking like this. Everyone is going to compare me with how I looked the last time I was on the show, when I was skinny.”
Pam looked taken aback. ”But you're pregnant, love. The baby needs you to put on weight. You look wonderful.”
Noah took a sip of his coffee. ”I agree. And besides, you were too skinny before,” he said gently. Then he impishly reached out and pinched her on the behind. ”You know I love that booty.”
Shoshana was surprised when Alexis laughed. She was able to see why the two were such a perfect pair: Noah extinguished Alexis's neuroses. It happened like that sometimes, she mused, as the soundman fitted her for a microphone, his cool hands on her lower back snaring a wire up through her s.h.i.+rt. This time she didn't flinch; she was an old hand at this. It was someone different, this time.
A person wanders the planet lost, split in half. Then she finds the right person, and wham! She's whole, the anxieties and twitches slow down and dissolve, and the brightness that had always shone within her somewhere is allowed to emerge. Shoshana felt she'd always been a bright spirit and didn't think the man she'd someday end up with would be the one to bring it out of her. Whoever Shoshana would meet and fall in love with would be getting almost two persons: the 150-pound woman, and the Fattie who still lived inside of her. Both versions loved dirty jokes, pillows with weird statements on them, and chick flicks. The boy she chose someday would have to love both versions of her.
Emily was begrudgingly admiring Alexis's high heels, which were quirky and had a taxicab pattern, the toes being yellow, the rest black-and-white-checkered. ”They're very punk,” she said, which made Shoshana and Pam exchange a look because that was Em's highest compliment to pay someone.
”Five minutes until set,” a short woman with red hair and freckles who was wearing a headset said, spreading her fingers like a starfish to show how much time was left. Shoshana glanced at the monitor. The show had not begun yet, and she saw Oprah, which gave her a rush of excitement. Oprah was already sitting on the stage and going over notes with an a.s.sistant while simultaneously getting her makeup retouched.
”Okay, I'll give up the Spanx,” Alexis said, sighing and, after some struggle, ripping the hosiery down the middle with her bare hands. Everyone cheered. Alexis plopped down on the brown leather couch and poured herself a sip of water into a tumbler gla.s.s. ”The baby was protesting it, anyway.” She rubbed her stomach, which was a perfect beach ball.
”Yeah. If I can't wear a fat suit to try and be who I used to be, you definitely can't try and squish into Spanx,” Shoshana said, sitting down next to her.
As their friends and family mingled, s.n.a.t.c.hes of their conversation reached Shoshana's ears as she leaned close to Alexis. ”Are you ready to do this?” she asked, wiggling her eyebrows.
Alexis smiled. ”I was born ready. Let's show the world what we're made of.”
”Two minutes,” the stagehand called.
Shoshana and Alexis stood, and Shoshana found herself watching Alexis maneuver in her heels down the same hallway with the large black-and-white photos of celebrity guests she'd eyed last time she was here.
”Knock them dead!” Noah shouted.
”Make sure you mention our clothing line!” Billy called out.
”We love you!” Pam and Emily called. Shoshana watched their figures get shadowy and small as she turned and walked down the hallway, b.u.t.terflies in her stomach but a steely resolve in her heart.
”What clothing line?” Shoshana whispered to Alexis as they walked.
”Oh! I totally forgot to tell you. Billy and I designed these chill robes for cancer patients who are undergoing chemo. We have leopard-print and zebra and there's even a cartoonist in the Village drawing prints for us. They're going to be awesome!”
”Wow,” Shoshana said. ”I never would have pictured you doing something like that when I first met you.”
Alexis sn.i.g.g.e.red. ”Why, because I was a total selfish b.i.t.c.h?”
”Well, yeah.”
”Well, I bet you never thought you'd open up an apple orchard, either,” Alexis said, her eyes bright.
”You're right about that.” They giggled, as they heard Oprah announcing their names to the audience.
The two women entered the stage holding hands, a show of unity that came naturally and spontaneously to them. They sat on the couch to thunderous applause.
”h.e.l.lo, h.e.l.lo,” Oprah said, turning her warm gaze on them. She wore a brown wrap dress that matched her eyes, and large teardrop diamond earrings that shone under the lights. Shoshana admired her blue eye shadow and wondered if she herself could pull it off. There was no way to find out but try!
”We are so lucky to have two special guests back on today's show, Alexis Allbright, founder of Skinny Chick, and Shoshana Weiner, who writes Fat and Fabulous.”
Another round of cheers. Shoshana could make out the faces of Noah, Billy, Emily, and her mother. They were sitting in the second row. She winked at Emily, who gave her the rock 'n' roll devil horns. Shoshana ran her hands through her short, wavy bob.
”Now, before we begin talking to these fascinating guests, I'm going to show a brief clip.”
Alexis and Shoshana exchanged an oh-s.h.i.+t glance, as the screen behind them rose and the scene between Shoshana and Alexis from last year played out before their eyes. The light bounced in such a way that dark blues ran across Alexis's face, giving her the appearance of having two black eyes.
What Shoshana couldn't believe from the video was how tense she herself looked. Her hands balled into fists, a frown on her face as she countered Alexis's accusations. A stranger. It was also strange to see herself fat again. Like looking at one's baby pictures. How could she have morphed and s.h.i.+fted and become someone else in just a year?
Alexis was so upset by how aggressive and nasty she'd been that she kept her eyes on Shoshana's face. She knew if she watched the video she would only feel worse, which would ruin the fun of making their joint announcement. She heard herself shouting statistics about obesity at Shoshana, and cringed. She literally slunk down in her seat when she heard her old self say, ”Her father died of a heart attack. Four years ago. He was only forty-nine. He was mowing the front yard of his quiet suburban home in New Jersey, and he simply dropped dead right there.”
”I'm so sorry,” she whispered to Shoshana.
”I know you are,” Shoshana whispered back. ”I am, too.”
Some of the audience hadn't seen this particular episode, and gasped at some of the segments, clapped at others. The clip seemed to go on forever, though it was probably only a minute at most. The girls suffered through it, trying not to wiggle around awkwardly on the sofa.
The lights went back up to full tilt. ”I saw the two of you come in here holding hands,” Oprah said. She smiled her thousand-watt smile. ”After everyone at home watched that video, I have to ask: Y'all worked things out, didn't you?”
Scattered laughter.
”We did, indeed,” Shoshana said confidently. ”And we're here to tell the audience about it.”
”Wonderful. But first, I think the question on a lot of people's minds is, tell us about the baby b.u.mp and the weight loss! Is it true you both weigh the same now, a hundred and fifty pounds?”
Thunderous applause.
Alexis blushed. ”Well, yes. But also, a lot of things have changed for myself and Shoshana over this past year. My best friend was diagnosed with cancer but he's now in remission, thank G.o.d. Hi, Billy!” She waved, and Billy stood, doing a little twirl as the cameras zoomed in on him.
The audience clapped for Billy.
”I met a man who ... put things in perspective for me, to put it mildly,” Alexis said.
”Yes, and I've been to his restaurant, Off the River Ale House in New York,” Oprah said. ”It is worth the calories, people.” She turned on the couch to Shoshana. ”Now, Shoshana, you've lost a good deal of weight.”
Clapping thundered off the walls, the sound bouncing up, up, up to the ceiling like bright, s.h.i.+ny bubbles. The cameras panned the audience; the lights moved and changed direction on the floor of the stage to illuminate Shoshana's face.
”Yes, that's right,” Shoshana said.
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