Part 78 (1/2)
”What does that have to do with our business?” said Larissa. ”We're not going to Pooncarie, are we?” Challenging him to speak up.
”Guess not,” he said to the road. ”Though I would've liked for you to see it.”
”Would you.”
And then nothing for another hundred miles.
”You would've liked the horses,” he said. ”You've been on a horse, right?”
”Yes, Kai, we went together in Maui. Up to the volcanos, remember? Horses scare me, though. They're unpredictable.”
”Yeah, they're large powerful animals. But they're incredibly resilient. They do well in the desert.”
”Like camels. But Jindabyne is not the desert, Kai,” she said.
Another hundred miles.
”Was Nalini okay when you left? She wasn't upset?”
”Upset? Nah,” said Larissa. ”She was fine.”
”Really? You wrote she brushed your hair, braided it. She tried to get you to pray. You two sounded cute together.”
”She's a sweet kid,” said Larissa. ”But it's not me she wants.” Her arms crunched around her stomach, to keep the falling from the pit of herself.
”Funny,” Kai said. ”From your letters, she sounded like she might've given you a harder time about leaving.”
”No, she was quite nonchalant about the whole thing.” Larissa couldn't tell even him the truth. Well, why not? Was he telling her the truth?
Another hundred miles.
They got to Jindabyne after lunch. Kai suggested cras.h.i.+ng at Bart and Bianca's which Larissa thought was a dumb suggestion, but what she craftily said was, ”We haven't seen each other for three months. Privacy might be good, don't you think?”
He agreed, but not before saying, ”I haven't seen Bart and Bianca either.”
”You're not having s.e.x with Bart and Bianca,” returned Larissa irritably.
”Okay,” Kai said. ”But after twenty minutes, then what?”
When she stared him down, he said, rolling his eyes, ”Just kidding. Sheesh.”
They rented a room at the Crackenback Inn, the place they first stayed at when they came to Jindabyne, by the alpine lake in the glaze of a valley, surrounded by the Australian Alps. For a few extra dollars they got a white chalet on the water, with a balcony and a fireplace. Larissa was trying to recreate the sense of awe they both had back then, to be here, to have each other, to be alone. But awe is a funny thing. Awe: reverential respect mixed with fear and wonder. Only one of those words could still be applied to Larissa's current state of beinga”one more accurately described as dread.
In the morning she said to Kai, let's take a ride, talk to Darien, our old buddy at Snowy River Real Estate. He'll find us something to rent. She got all dressed up and smiley, but after an hour Kai was still in bed. ”You go,” he said. ”I'm not feeling well. I think I'm coming down with something. Been working too hard. You go, and then if you see something you like, come get me and I'll go take a look.”
”Are you serious? You want me to go by myself?” He seemed serious, because he was still in bed, face in the pillow.
”I do.” His voice was m.u.f.fled. ”Or let's wait till tomorrow. I'm sure I'll feel better then.”
Had she not read his letter to Muriel, Larissa wouldn't have known what to make of him. But she had. And still she didn't know what to make of him. She had zero interest in bringing the letter up. She called Darien and went out without Kai, filled with that ”dread” part of awe, hoping that if she found them a lovely place, it would make everything better.
She found four lovely places, one better than the next. Two had spectacular access to the lake, and the one on the Banjo Patterson Crescent was brand spanking new, with wood floors and a fireplace, a terrace and bay windows. It was unfurnished and the price was right. She couldn't believe it hadn't been rented.
”Just came on the market yesterday,” Darien said. ”It won't be around past the weekend, I guarantee it.”
She dragged Kai to Banjo House that afternoon. Kai, still mopey and not feeling well, didn't like it. ”It's too bright, too much sun, everything we have will fade.”
”What will fade?” said Larissa. ”We have nothing.”
Slowly blinking into the distance, Kai shook his head. ”It's too new. It feels like a hospital, all white and prim. Don't like it. Got anything else?”
”Not at the moment,” said Darien, eyeing Kai with spectacular disdain.
Larissa asked Darien for a few minutes alone.
”No matter how many minutes alone we have,” Kai said to her, ”I'm not going to like it any better.”
”Kai, look at this place! It's cleaner, larger, nicer than the Rainbow Drive bungalow, which you said was the best place you ever lived!”
”Clearly I was mistaken.”
”Is this an excuse?” she demanded to know. ”Is there some other reason you don't like them?”
”Why are you always looking for an ulterior motive? I just don't like them. Why can't we leave it at that?” He looked pale and tired. His mouth was tight. The shorn head made him look gaunt, haunted.
”We have to find a place to live soon. We can't stay at the waterfront chalet forever.”
He wasn't convinced. As in, why can't we? Or worse. I know we can't, his stiff and apathetic body language seemed to be saying, but I don't have another solution.
She told Darien they were going to think about it, but the next afternoon when she called, the realtor told her the place had already been rented. Larissa was intensely disappointed.
”It wasn't meant for us,” Kai said, strumming his ukulele, sitting on the balcony. ”If it was meant for us, we would have it.”
”We don't have it because you said no to it!”
He kept looking out onto the water and the mountains. He said nothing. Strum, strum, something lonely in a minor key, with lows and lows and hollows in the notes.
She tried to humor him. Would you like to go for a bicycle ride in the mountains? Would you like to so swimming? The pool is heated. Would you like to go bowling?
”Larissa, which part of I'm not feeling up to it don't you understand?”
”The part where I don't understand what's on your mind,” she said to him after another two days of sitting and staring at the lake had pa.s.sed. What's the matter with you, she wanted to ask. Why are you acting like this? Man up, Kai.
He repeated that he was coming down with a bug, though he had no fever and no outward symptoms of debilitation. How Larissa wished she hadn't snooped on the letter to Muriel. She didn't want Kai to say he didn't want to stay here. After Paranaque, Jindabyne had suddenly acquired a mystical appeal. The lake was beautiful. The weather was beautiful. The snow-capped mountains surrounding Crackenback and Jindabyne were beautiful. The trees, the hills, the friendly people, everything was beautiful. Hoping for a crack in the bad mood, she kept asking Kai every night if he wanted to go to dinner with Bart and Bianca, and he kept saying no. Do you want to go for a drink with Patrick? No. You don't want to go to Balcony Bar and hang out?
No.
And worse than that: the refusals kept coming even when she asked him to go shopping with her for their business.
”Kai,” she said, ”we need two new tents; the old ones ripped. We need eight fis.h.i.+ng lines. We need two more blankets, four flasks, a new cooler, disposable cameras, a cell phone.”