Part 20 (1/2)

His confidence was one of the things she'd always loved about him. But life had never come as easily to her as it had to him. Not anywhere near.

So she needed to be realistic...and make sure that what they were doing didn't end up ripping away one of the most important people in her life.

”What if it doesn't work out? What if all we're feeling is the rush of new excitement at finally getting to be more than friends?”

”I've had it bad for you for fifteen years. My feelings have never gone away. They've only grown bigger, stronger with every year we were apart. And every time I look at you, every time I touch you, you're even more beautiful than you were just seconds ago. Now that we've gotten horizontal-and vertical-a couple of times, I'm pretty sure you've wanted it, too. We've waited half our lives for this chance to be together. Do you really think we're going to blow it now?”

She wanted so badly to believe that they wouldn't. But she'd believed that before, had followed her pa.s.sions, and she'd been wrong.

She had to be pragmatic, for once. Practical. Especially now, when so much was at stake.

”Of course I don't think either of us would go into a relations.h.i.+p planning to screw it up. I just need to know-if dating doesn't work out, will we still be friends? Or will it be too weird, too hard, to see each other all the time?”

Especially if it turned out that she wasn't enough for Ryan after all.

He blew out a hard breath. ”You keep saying that I'm not a forever kind of guy, but you're the one who keeps talking about things ending.”

She was surprised to realize he was right.

”I'm just scared that we'll make a mistake we can't recover from. Where we are right now, I think we can probably still step back and be okay. But if we go further and it all goes wrong-”

”What if I told you that I see us together forty years from now, with kids and grandkids and you with clay under your fingernails and me coaching the Little League team down the street? And what if I told you that I'm in l-”

Even as she tried to catch her breath at the fairy tale he was painting for her, the very same one she wanted more and more with every pa.s.sing year, full of kids and grandkids in a close-knit family that loved and laughed and fought as a unit, she jumped to press her fingers against his mouth.

Of course she wanted him to love her back, but she couldn't bear to hear him say it after they'd just had such good s.e.x. Not if she'd always be afraid it was the only reason he'd said it.

”I think this is a good time to remind you that after spending more than a decade on different continents, we've only spent a week together and had s.e.x twice.”

He pressed a kiss to her fingertips before sliding his fingers through hers and lowering their hands. ”True, but it's been really awesome s.e.x.”

His sudden grin reminded her so much of the boy she'd first fallen for so many years ago. She laughed despite the serious tone of their conversation.

And then he put her hand palm-down on his chest and her laughter and his grin both fell completely away.

It was testament to just how well he knew her that he understood that when words were failing, the only surefire path to get to her emotions was through her hands.

”Be with me, Vicki. For real this time. And let me convince you that you'll never need to know the answers to those questions.”

Vicki's vows to be cautious had nothing on Ryan's dark eyes or the strong and steady beat of his heart beneath her hands.

”I want to be with you, too,” she said softly. ”But even though we started out things in reverse, I think we need to take it slow. Just to be sure that we don't accidentally mess everything up.”

”Slow, huh?” Her heart dropped when he frowned. ”I don't know if I can promise to go slow with you in bed.”

Relief flooded her. ”Don't be stupid.” She grabbed another condom out of the side table, then pushed him down on the bed and straddled him. ”Hot, fast, and dirty s.e.x is grandfathered into this discussion.”

He grinned at her even as he pulled her mouth down to his. ”Then what do you say we have a quickie before I ask you out on our first official date?”

Moments later she was answering him by sinking down onto his hard heat. For the next few minutes she let the sweet press of his mouth against hers, the rough caress of his needy hands over her skin, push away her doubts, her fears...and the sure knowledge that nothing had ever come easy to her before.

Especially not love.

Chapter Twenty-two.

Ryan had waited fifteen years for this first date with Vicki.

Fortunately, the past year had been a master course in love as he'd watched his brothers and sisters fall one after the other. Regardless of how much he'd razzed each one of them along the way, he'd paid attention to their soul-deep emotional connections, the humor between the couples...and the sparks that lit and crackled between lovers like firecrackers.

Maybe it was too much to want a first date to do all those things. After all, he'd been happy with dinner and a movie and uncomplicated s.e.x before. But there was no point comparing Vicki to any of the other women he'd dated.

And yet, Ryan knew that even if he pulled off the best first date in history, it didn't mean his work was done where Vicki's heart was concerned.

Because she hadn't let him say he loved her.

He understood that she'd been hurt so badly by the only other man she'd ever let herself trust that she was wary of taking the leap again with him. But Ryan would never hurt her.

Never.

By the time Vicki walked through his front door and smiled with obvious pleasure at seeing him, he was way past the first date they hadn't even had yet.

Unfortunately, he was pretty sure doing her up against the front door wasn't supposed to be in perfect first date plans.

Just like blurting out ”I love you” wasn't going to fly either.

”How was your day?”

She looked radiant as she walked into the kitchen and dropped her bag on the counter. ”Amazing. My project really started to come together today, in a really big way. Thank G.o.d.”

How was he supposed to control himself when she was glowing like that?

He put his arms on either side of her, effectively trapping her against the kitchen island. ”I can't wait to see it.” He lowered his mouth to hers and said, ”I couldn't wait to see you, either,” before kissing her softly, forcing himself to remain gentle rather than giving in to the nearly overpowering urge to lift her up on the counter and take her right then and there.

”What about you?” she asked when he let her up for air.

”Life is good.” She was so soft and sweet against him that he could hardly remember what he'd done all day. ”Smith helped me convince a bunch more filthy rich people to clean up some by giving the schools money for sports programs. I don't know why I didn't think to pull him in before now.”

She grinned. ”I can only imagine the team the two of you must make. Those poor rich people didn't stand a chance, did they?”

Did she have any idea how pretty her mouth was when she was smiling at him?

”Are you ready for our date?”

She moved her hands around his back and pulled him closer. ”Almost.”