Part 41 (1/2)

No, she couldn't bring the children.

They could stay with Angie.

'But there was no other way to do it,' she began.

'What do you mean, no other way to do it? Lexie, don't just stand there, come inside, don't give the neighbours a free show.' So she came into the living room. I closed the door. 'Okay, now tell me no other way to do precisely what?'

'I want to try again.'

Then Lexie looked at me with big round eyes, and I saw the cute preteen the pretty, s.e.xy co-ed the girl in bridal white the radiant, happy mother in the downtown birthing centre with first Joe then Polly in her arms the wife I'd thought was mine until we both sat dribbling in our wheelchairs on some balcony in Florida.

The woman I once loved. But, if Ben Fairfax wasn't lying and this now seemed more than likely I'd been a fool to love. The evidence had been in front of me for years and years and I had been too dumb to see it. I'd thought nothing of it when Lexie headed out to basket-weaving, quilting or whatever cla.s.ses, all dressed up and smelling like a lily. When she took a ton of whispered calls from a new girlfriend, a teacher at Joe's kindergarten, some guy selling cabins in the woods ...

'When you sent that message, what would you have done if Rosie had replied to me while we were in the coffee shop if I'd read an email from her there?'

'I hoped she would. I hoped you would. I figured she would write you straight away and tell you to get lost. Or say please don't do this to me, I love you, we can work it out a bunch of stuff like that. Whatever, it would draw the battle lines.'

'So why did you delete the message?'

'Pat, I wasn't thinking straight! When you went to stand in line, I saw my chance and grabbed it. But afterward I realised I'd been stupid. So that's why I deleted what I sent.'

'I think you lost it big time.'

'No, I was confused. I knew whatever happened next you would be mad at me. But I also knew you wouldn't kill me in a coffee shop.'

'Huh I might have done.'

'When you called me up, you were so angry. But now you're so calm again. I wish you'd yell at me.'

'You don't.'

'I do!'

'I recall when you first told me about Mr Wonderful, you left the kids with Angie so they wouldn't hear me yell at you.'

'I thought you'd yell. I thought that leaving you would wake you up, would make you think about the two of us.'

'So you were testing me, like Jesus being tested in the wilderness? Let me tell you something, Lex you're crazy. I was crazy too, to love you like I did, when you cheated on me all the time from when we were in school.'

She gaped at me.

'You knew?' she whispered, looking stunned.

What could I do but shrug?

'You knew, but you did nothing?'

What could I do but shrug again?

'I'm so sorry, Patrick. I wish it hadn't been like that. If I could turn the clock back-'

'But you can't.' I grabbed my carry-on. 'Okay, so now we understand each other and I have to leave.'

'Where are you going?' Lexie blocked my exit by standing with her back against the door. 'Oh, to that conference I forgot you have a conference. But you could change your flight. Listen, Patrick, we must talk. Go somewhere on our own for a few days, just you and me. Angie won't mind watching Joe and Polly. Pat, you don't have to go to Colorado.'

'I'm not going to Colorado.'

'But I thought your conference-'

'I'm not going to the conference.'

'What? I never knew you miss a conference, and this is an important one, you said so, it's all about your work. I know how much you love your work. You've always been so focused on-'

'Lexie, if we didn't have two kids who need some sort of mom, however useless, I'd seriously consider strangling you. So don't push it, baby. Get out of my way.'

'I love it when you're masterful.' Lexie trailed one finger down my chest and gazed at me with big cute-kitten eyes. 'Listen, honey, we could start again. Okay, we had a falling-out. When we were first married we were kids. We hadn't been around. But now we're stronger, wiser. Pat, you can't run out on me. It was starting to work out between us, you know that. When I said I was glad about it, you said you were, too.'

'I meant I was glad we sorted out the maintenance, agreed that we both wanted what was best for Joe and Polly.'

'You don't want me back?'

I dropped my carry-on. I took her by the shoulders. I moved her to one side and then I grabbed my case again. I walked right out the door and pressed the b.u.t.ton to call the elevator.

'You leave, you'll never see your kids again!' she hollered after me. 'I'll tell the judge you and that woman did some stuff to them. You hurt them, traumatised them. You-'

Then the elevator came and I got into it.

I caught the evening flight to London out of Minneapolis-Saint Paul and landed at Heathrow the following lunch time. There were no taxis, so I rode the subway big mistake, the train broke down.

I could not find Rosie anyplace. I went to her apartment. She was not at home. I went to her office. She was not at her office. It was all closed up. I tried to call. She would not take my calls. So I went back to where she lived. I sat down on the step and then I waited and I waited and I waited.

Pa.s.sers-by most probably figured I must be a beggar. Travel-stained, dishevelled and unshaven, I guess I looked the part, and all I needed was a dog.

'I can't believe you have the nerve,' she said, when she found me slumped down on the step at ten o'clock that evening.

I was starving, having eaten nothing since the usual plastic airline breakfast. I was dying for a drink of water. I'd wanted to lie down under a tree in one of London's parks and go to sleep. But I'd been too scared to move in case I missed her coming home and so I'd sat it out in the hot, dusty London suns.h.i.+ne.

Consequently I was dry as London dust myself.

She glared at me. She has the most amazing eyes. Slate-grey, black-fringed, they're deep as forest pools. Their gaze can be as hard as granite or as soft as gossamer, can chill, can warm, can burn.

Now, her gaze was burning into me.

'May I come in a while?' I asked, standing up then almost falling over because I was so hungry, jet-lagged, dehydrated and my feet had gone to sleep.

'No, you may not,' she snapped. 'If you don't go away right now I mean this very minute I'm ringing the police.'

'Rosie, I flew all the way from Minnesota.'

'So fly back again.'