Part 8 (1/2)
”He wouldn't lie to me,” I said.
We headed back to the door. Bettie was still frowning thoughtfully.
”Once we're back in the artificial jungle, we've still got to face one very p.i.s.sed-off Tyrannosaurus rex. How are we going to get past it this time?”
”Don't worry,” I said. ”I'll think of something.”
And I did.
FIVE.
The Devil's in the Details
Back out on the Nightside streets again, we still carried the smell of the jungle with us. A harsh and murky mixture of sweat, rotting vegetation, and T. rex musk. It could have been my imagination, but people on the street seemed to be giving me even more room than usual. I felt like buying half a dozen air fresheners and hanging them round my neck. I did my best to rise above the situation, while debating what to do next with the delightful Bettie Divine.
”I still don't get it,” she said, a bit pettishly. She was holding my arm again. ”Why isn't the Collector out chasing round the Nightside, trying to grab the Afterlife Recording for himself? He said he wanted it.”
”He also said he was busy with something,” I said. ”Odd, that; he didn't say what with. He's never been bashful with me before; usually can't wait to boast about what he's up to...Still, he's the Collector. Which means he's always busy with something.”
”Unless...he's scared of someone else who's after the Recording,” said Bettie. ”You, perhaps?”
”I'd like to think so, but no. It would have to be someone really bad, and really powerful. The Collector is a Major Player in his own right, and he doesn't scare easily.”
”Walker?”
”You have a point there,” I admitted. I was getting used to walking arm in arm with Bettie. It felt good, natural. ”Could Walker have been lying to us, to hide the fact he already had the DVD? No, I don't think so. He would have told me if he'd had it, if only to put me in my place. And his reasons for wanting me to find it before anyone else sounded pretty good to me.”
”You mean the angels?” said Bettie.
”Please,” I said. ”Let us not use the a-word in public.”
”All right, if it isn't Walker, then who? Razor Eddie?”
I shook my head. ”He might be the Punk G.o.d of the Straight Razor, but Eddie's never been very interested in religion. In fact, he's pretty much the only G.o.d all the other Beings on the Street of the G.o.ds are afraid of.”
”How about the Lord of Thorns, then?”
”You have been doing your homework, haven't you? No, he's still recovering from the Lilith War and the trauma of finding out he's not who he thought he was.”
”You know everyone, don't you?” Bettie said admiringly. ”Who did he think he was?”
”Overseer of the Nightside.”
Bettie thought about that. ”If the Lord of Thorns isn't watching over us, who is?”
”Good question,” I said. ”Lot of people are still arguing about that.”
She gave me a sly, sideways look. ”Lot of people say you could have been King of the Nightside, if you'd wanted.”
I smiled. ”You shouldn't listen to gossip.”
”Don't be silly, darling! That's my job!”
”d.a.m.n,” I said, as a thought occurred to me.
”You're frowning, John, and I do wish you wouldn't. It usually means you've suddenly thought of something unpleasant, spooky, and probably downright dangerous.”
”Right on all three counts,” I said. ”There is one man the Collector is afraid of, and quite rightly, too. Anyone with any sense is afraid of the Removal Man.”
Bettie pulled her arm out of mine and stopped dead in the street. I stopped with her. She gave me a hard look.
”Hold everything, reverse gear, go previous. Are you having fun with me, John? Thinking I'll believe anything simply because it's you saying it? The Removal Man is just an urban legend. Isn't he?”
”Unfortunately, no,” I said.
”But...I don't know anyone who's seen him, or even claimed to have seen him! The Unnatural Inquirer's been offering really quite serious money for a photo...No-one's ever come forward.”
”Because they're too scared,” I said. ”You don't mess with the Removal Man; not if you like existing.”
”Have you ever met him?” said Bettie, her voice carefully casual.
”No,” I said. ”And I was hoping to keep it that way. I don't think he approves of me. And people and things the Removal Man disapproves of have this unfortunate tendency to disappear without a trace. The Removal Man has made it his personal crusade to wander the Nightside anonymously, removing all the things and people that offend him. Removing, as in making them vanish so completely that even really Major Players have been unable to confirm exactly what it is he's done with them.”
”He removes people from reality because they offend him?” said Bettie.
”Pretty much.” I started off down the street again, and Bettie came along with me. Not holding my arm. ”Basically, the Removal Man drops the hammer on people if he considers them to be a threat to the Nightside, or the world in general...or because who or what they are offends his particular moral beliefs. Judge, jury, and executioner, though no-one's ever seen him do it.”
”Like...Jessica Sorrow?” said Bettie, frowning.
”No...Jessica made bits of the world disappear because she didn't believe in them, and her disbelief was stronger than their reality. Very scary lady. Luckily she sleeps a lot of the time. No, the Removal Man chooses what he wants to disappear. No-one's ever been able to bring any of his victims back; and a whole lot of pretty powerful people have tried...I've never heard a single guess at his name, or who he used to be before he came here and took on his role. And this in a place that runs on rumours. He's a mystery, and all the signs are he likes it that way.”
”You are seriously spooking me out, sweetie,” said Bettie. ”Are you sure he's involved with this?”
”No; but it sounds right. The Afterlife Recording is exactly the sort of thing that would attract the Removal Man's attention. Rumour has it he only ever reveals his ident.i.ty to those he's about to remove, and not always then. There's some evidence he can work close up, or from a distance. Certainly he doesn't give a d.a.m.n about celebrity, or notoriety, or even reward. He works for his own satisfaction. It's hard to be a shadowy urban legend in a place full of marvels and nightmares, but he's managed it. I'm almost jealous.”
”I did hear one rumour,” Bettie said carefully. ”That he once tried to remove Walker...but it didn't take.”
I shrugged. ”If it did happen, Walker's never mentioned it. I suppose it's possible that Walker secretly approves of the Removal Man. In fact, it wouldn't surprise me if the Removal Man did the occasional job for him, on the quiet, disappearing people that Walker considered a threat to the status quo...No...No, that can't be right.”
”Why not?”
”Because Walker would have sent the Removal Man after me long ago.”