Part 17 (1/2)

”About that, how does Camille play into all this?” I walked her backwards towards the couch and pulled her down onto my lap.

With my hand resting protectively over my child in her womb, I pulled her head back on my shoulder.

”Your mom introduced us. At first, I thought she was trying to hook me up with a friend since I didn't really know anyone in your circle.

Then she started dropping these hints about you two, your mother I mean. Pretty soon Camille had joined in and I was starting to become confused.

Things started to become blurry, but still I didn't give in. I couldn't bring myself to believe that you were cheating on me with her.

When she saw that it wasn't working I guess your mom decided to pull off the mask of pretense and show her true colors.

That's when she told me and showed me that she had all this information about my family. I hadn't even shared most of that with you, not because I was ashamed, but because I was so happy for the first time in my life that I didn't want anything to spoil it.

When I was with you, I didn't cry myself to sleep worrying about my sick grandmother that I couldn't help, or the fact that we didn't have much.

I just wanted you; that's all. But she twisted everything and convinced me that she could get you to see things the way she did.

She said I was only after you for your money and that all she had to do was show you what she'd learned and there's no way you wouldn't believe that I wasn't a gold digger.”

”Did I hear you tell her that you never cashed that check?”

”I didn't.”

”Why not?” I kissed her forehead as the sweetness of what all of this meant went through me.

”I just couldn't that's all, because it felt as if I did that, it would somehow make her right.”

”And your grandmother, I wasn't paying much attention the last time we met, is she still sick?”

”She's in remission thank heavens, but I'm always afraid of the sickness coming back you know. Still I would never have cashed that check.”

My mother had to have known that she hadn't cashed that check. If there's one thing I know about my mother it's that she's very meticulous when it comes to money.

Which meant that even had she believed that Zania was a money grubbing b.i.t.c.h that would've proven to her that she was wrong.

Wouldn't any mother who really loved her son be pleased by that? Wouldn't she then admit her mistake and try to fix the mess that she'd made?

Instead she'd fed my hate. My guts burned at the memory of all she'd done and said in those early days after Zania had left.

It's funny, but I don't think as mad as I had been at her back then, that I could've done any of the things I imagined doing to her; too bad for my mother and her little helper that I don't feel the same about them.

”You almost destroyed me.”

”I know, I'm sorry. I was suffering too, in the first few weeks I thought I was going to die.

Then I found out I was pregnant and I was so happy, after I got over being scared out of my wits.

I'd had to leave school that was one of your mom's conditions. I couldn't stay there because you would obviously have known where to find me. I could've applied somewhere else, but by then grandma was worse and I had no choice.

I would've had to go home anyway when it was all said and done because she needed me.

So there were no prospects for the bright future I'd envisioned for myself, and with a new baby coming I knew only fear for the first couple of weeks.

But then gran helped me to see things different. I'd told her all about you and she helped me to see that I would have a little piece of you for always; that the baby was a blessing and not a curse.”

I let her talk it out never interrupting. I'm sure she had no idea that she was digging my mother's grave deeper with each word.

”You do understand why I couldn't contact you though right, I was terrified that your mom or that Camille person were going to take my baby away from me. But I missed you everyday.”

I pulled her head back and looked down at her, ready to forgive all even though I was p.i.s.sed that she hadn't come to me back then. So much could've been avoided.

”Just one thing, did you really not know that you were carrying my child when you let them run you off?”

”No, I promise I didn't; had I known, maybe I would've fought harder to stay. Do you forgive me for being so stupid?”

”Honestly, I'm p.i.s.sed as f.u.c.k at you. I'll deal with those two later, but you, you did more harm than they did.”

I could see by the way she tried to pull away from me that she didn't agree but that was too bad.

She'd called the shots for the last six years, and made all the wrong plays.

”You don't get it do you? You were the one who owed me your loyalty. We hadn't known each other that long but we knew enough.

We made promises to each other. Do you know what you did by running off? You showed your lack of faith and trust in my ability to keep you safe, to protect you.

In doing so, you robbed me of my child; it's going to take me a long time to get over that one.

Like I said, they bear a huge part of the blame, but baby you f.u.c.ked up more. Don't cry, I'm not saying that I don't understand. I just want you to know my views on the whole mess. This way you won't let that s.h.i.+t happen again.”

She buried her head in my neck and cried like her heart was breaking. I could think of no other way to calm her down than by putting her beneath me.

I think we both needed that connection, needed to feel alive in each other's arms.

I wasn't as gentle as I probably should be when I tore at her clothes, or when I surged up inside her.

” Look at me.” I pulled her head back to ensure that she did. ”You told my...that female that you loved me, is that true?” She swallowed and tried to turn her head but I held it in place.

”Answer me Zania.” I stroked in and out of her slowly while looking into her eyes. I know she could see all that I felt for her written there. ”Tell me.”

”Yes, I do, I don't think I ever stopped, though I came close a time or...” I covered her mouth with mine to end her words.

”I love you too sweet Zania, with everything I've got. I'll never let you leave me again not f.u.c.king ever. You're mine and you're going to stay mine, all of you.” I put my hand on her still flat stomach as I f.u.c.ked into her.

Chapter 20.

CORD.