Part 15 (2/2)

”Answer me d.a.m.n you.”

She looked scared, but of what, of me? Couldn't be, I'd never been anything but gentle with her before this.

”What are you afraid of little girl?” I eased up my strokes and went easy on her p.u.s.s.y as I awaited her answer.

”Aren't you going to tell me?” She didn't have to shake her head for me to know the answer. That fear in her eyes was very real.

”Never mind, I'll find out on my own.” I buried my face in her neck and poured my seed into her.

For the rest of the day I caught her sneaking looks at me when she thought I wasn't looking.

We were both doing a lot of looking, and in between taking care of our kid we were busy loving on each other.

That night when I pulled her into my arms to sleep, it was with a much lighter heart than before.

Chapter 18.

ZANIA.

I can't breathe here. It was easier when he was mad at me; that I understood. His anger and distrust, I accepted only minutes after I'd left him, but this new att.i.tude strikes fear in my heart.

I couldn't live through another separation if I was stupid enough to let myself fall again. When he was being a jerk it was easy for me to pretend that I hated him.

I certainly disliked this cold, unfeeling brute that has no feelings for me. The Cord I'd known and loved never treated me with anything but love and respect.

This man hated me. Whatever he was told after I left, whatever he believes, it must be horrible. Fear had held my tongue when he'd asked me that question. Fear of what might happen if I said too much.

I had resigned myself to his hate, even as I accepted that my body would always react to his touch, his very nearness.

Each day I died a little, only coming alive at night when he took me. When I wasn't thinking of ways to hang onto my daughter and now this new unborn child that I carried, I was fighting to keep my heart out of danger.

Now he's changed up on me again. In the last few days I've caught more and more glimpses of the old Cord.

He was in the habit of touching me more outside the bedroom. Or sometimes, I'd catch him watching me with this strange look on his face.

I was never bold enough to ask him why he was staring, but I did spend a lot of time in the last couple of days wondering just what he was up to.

Whatever it is, my poor heart can't take anymore. I've been through so much already, and all because I'd fallen in love.

Sometimes I wish he'd never approached me at that party; that our paths had never crossed. But then I would never have known those few short months of bliss that would last me a lifetime, and there wouldn't be Mia to love.

Thinking of my babygirl made me think of her dad, the way it has everyday since the day she was born. I sometimes wonder if her illness wasn't somehow my fault; if it wasn't punishment for what I'd done.

But there was nothing for it now, so there was no use putting myself through this torture. Still I couldn't help but wonder. Had I traded one-heartache for another?

I know I hurt him the way I left. Even had he not borne me any great love, coming home to find me gone without a trace would've been a hard blow for someone as proud as he is.

I knew it then. Had agonized over it until I made myself sick, but in the end I had no choice, it was out of my hands.

I pulled my thoughts back from that dark place and back to the here and now. What was he up to?

It was getting harder to pretend indifference to his every touch, his nearness. I was strung so tight, I'm afraid I was going to pop a valve any second.

I felt my face heat up at the memory of how I'd clung to him in bed, how I cried out for him when he took me like a beast.

Always before he'd been tender, always putting my pleasure before his own. Don't get me wrong, there had been times when our l.u.s.t prevailed and we were both like rutting animals the way we went at each other in bed, but this was somehow different.

It was as if he were making up for lost time, with a heavy dose of pent up anger thrown in for good measure. I clapped my hand over the marks in my neck that I'd received during this morning's wrestling match.

It's weird, but when he was being hateful I didn't feel the need to fight him. That man had no real hold on my heart. But now with him showing me glimpses of the man I fell so hard for, I couldn't risk it, couldn't risk my heart again.

But how was I going to live if he took my children away? And I have no doubt that he would make good on that threat if it came to that.

Maybe there's a way I can live with his anger and hate, if it meant being with my children. But it was hard accepting this new reality between us after knowing his love.

No sense in going there Zania, that s.h.i.+p has sailed, and no matter how hard it is to swallow, you have to accept what is.

I so wished that it could be different though, that I had been strong enough before to fight.

But I'd been too young, and my opponent too crafty, and by the time I realized the truth, it was too late.

I don't blame him at all for his att.i.tude towards me; he was the one that had been hurt most after all. Whatever pain I endured and still do, was of my own making.

Chapter 19.

CORD.

Our home has become our sanctuary. Neither of us has said anything about the changes in our relations.h.i.+p, but I know she's aware.

We've both been skirting around the edges, both set on protecting ourselves from the other. I could've told her days ago that it was pointless.

I'd made up my mind and that seems to be all that was needed for me to relax and just live again.

I had eyes on her at all times, and of course there was the tag in her purse. Pretty soon I was going to get her something more permanent, something I was sure she'd never remove because I planned to insist on it.

All in all though, things had calmed down a little between us, except in the bedroom. There was nothing calm about our s.e.x; the s.h.i.+t just kept getting hotter.

Neither of us brought up the fact that she was already carrying my seed and therefore there was no need for her to share my bed any longer. We just carried on as usual.

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