Part 8 (2/2)

He did not want to think of Arabella. It was Ginny he needed tonight. He found her mouth with his and proceeded to explore her with eager hands. He pressed her more closely against him as he recalled the soft warmth of Arabella's lips beneath his own the night before.

”Ah, Geoffrey.” Ginny was stretched out on the bed beside him in the adjoining bedchamber much later, her head in the crook of his arm. ”What a wonderful lover you are. I declare you will quite spoil me for all others.”

”Mm,” he said, gazing at the canopy over their heads.

”You are going to stay all night?” she asked. ”I swear that by morning I will be too exhausted to get out of bed. Will you mind?” She looked across at him archly.

”Mm?” he said with a start. ”What was that?”

”I asked if you would mind my being unable to get out of bed in the morning,” she said. ”Have I exhausted you so much already, Geoffrey, that you cannot think straight?”

”I was wondering if Ara..., if my w... It does not matter, Ginny. It is not important.”

”If she is at home eagerly awaiting your attentions?” Ginny said. ”I think it unlikely. She was looking well-pleased with herself when I saw her earlier, a gentleman on each arm.”

Lord Astor turned his head sharply. ”You have seen Arabella?” he asked.

She laughed. ”That was the delightful pleasure I mentioned earlier,” she said. ”Yes, I saw her, Geoffrey. Someone pointed her out to me. And what a great surprise she was. She is so small, a child merely. You should be ashamed of robbing the cradle so. But she seems quite firmly established with her cicisbei. You must be well-satisfied.”

”It was at the Pottier soiree you were singing?” he said, dismayed. He had an arm over his eyes. ”And you saw Arabella. Good G.o.d!”

Ginny had turned over onto her side. ”Are you ready to be revived yet?” she asked, placing a hand lightly on his chest. ”You see how insatiable I am, Geoffrey? The first course is no sooner over than I am ready for the second. Shall I arouse your appet.i.te too?”

Lord Astor had not moved. He had an image of Ginny as she had appeared earlier, beautiful and flamboyant, in the same room with Arabella, tiny, eager, and wide-eyed. And Arabella would have been watching Ginny and listening. Applauding. Unaware that Ginny was her husband's mistress. And Arabella with a gentleman on each arm. Farraday? Hubbard? Lincoln? The gangly youth? Perrot? Someone new? And looking well-pleased with herself. Yes, he knew the look. He could well imagine it.

”I have to go home, Gin,” he said, pus.h.i.+ng her hand away.

She pulled a face. ”Oh, not so soon,” she said. ”You said just a short while ago that you were going to stay the night. Just once more, Geoffrey. You cannot be in that much of a hurry.”

He caught her hand, which had strayed to his chest again, in a firm grip, leaned over her, and kissed her hard and dispa.s.sionately on the lips. ”Another time,” he said. ”I find I am not in the mood tonight after all. Thank you for the last hour. I needed it.”

”You really do not demand a great deal for all you pay me,” she said, pouting. ”And I am complaining. Does your wife take so much of your energy, Geoffrey?”

He sat on the edge of the bed and reached down for his clothes. ”Spite does not suit you, Gin,” he said. ”I will be back in a day or two to put you to work so that you may earn your keep. I had not realized you were quite so conscientious.”

11.

Arabella did not take George for his usual walk the following morning. Neither did she go downstairs to breakfast. She sent her maid down when she thought the meal would be over, to ask if she might wait on Lord Astor at his convenience. The answer came almost immediately. He was in his office and would be glad to see her.

Arabella had not slept the night before. Indeed, she had been up three separate times vomiting. She frequently felt nauseated and otherwise out of sorts on the first day of her month, but she had never been actively sick before. Nevertheless, even though she still felt wretched and at one remove from reality, she dressed with care and brushed her curls neatly. She had declined the services of her maid.

Lord Astor had settled to examine the books that he had had sent from Parkland. But he was quite prepared to set them aside for Arabella. He had been somewhat concerned when she had not come down either for her usual walk with George or for breakfast. It was possible that she was not well. He knew that some women suffered at that certain time of the month. He had wanted to go up to her room to see if she was unwell, but had been afraid of disturbing her sleep.

And he had remembered his feeling of the night before when he had arrived home very late. A feeling of guilt. Yes, quite undeniably and annoyingly, guilt. Even if he could not possess her, he had thought, at least he could have come home early and gone in to talk to her. He could have a.s.sured himself that she was not in any pain or discomfort. He could have sent down for laudanum if she was.

He had shaken off his feelings with some annoyance the night before and resisted the urge to tiptoe into her bedchamber to see her, late as it was. It was a relief now to know that she was up and asking to speak with him.

He rose to his feet with a smile when a footman opened the door for her. But the smile faded. His guess had been right. She was pale almost to the point of being haggard. He moved hastily toward her.

”Arabella,” he said, concern in his voice and on his face, ”what is the matter? Are you sure you should be out of your bed?”

”I am quite well, thank you,” she said. She was standing very upright, her eyes looking straight into his, her jaw set firmly. Something in her tone and in her face made him stop and look more inquiringly at her.

”What is it?” he asked.

”I want to know,” she said. ”I will not condemn you until you have had a chance to deny it. Is Miss Virginia c.o.x your mistress?”

He closed his eyes briefly and then looked at her again. ”Who told you this, Arabella?” he asked.

”That does not matter,” she said. ”I want to know if it is true.”

He said nothing for the moment, but stared back at her.

”It is true, is it not?” she said.

”I would rather not talk about this,” he said.

”Indeed!” Arabella showed emotion for the first time. ”But I insist that we do. She is your mistress, isn't she? Will you deny that you have been with her since our marriage? Can you tell me in all truth that you have not?”

”No, Arabella,” he said after a pause, ”I cannot tell you that.”

”I did not believe it,” she said very quietly. Her hands were clenched at her sides. ”Until this moment I did not quite believe it could be so. How could you do such a thing? How could you go to another woman and do... and do those things to her? You married me. You married me in church and swore before G.o.d...”

Lord Astor's face had turned chalky white. ”Arabella,” he said, ”please don't distress yourself. It is really quite unimportant. You are my wife. It is youa””

”It is 'unimportant'!” she said, her eyes blazing into his. He looked away from her. ”It means nothing to you, my lord, except base physical pleasure? Shall I tell you what it has meant to me? It meant pain on our wedding night, dreadful pain that lasted for several days. But I did not mind, because I was your wife and we had been made one, we were bound by a sacred tie. I have been careful in my duty to you, believing that only I could give you that. And I did not want you to be disappointed. And it is unimportant to you?”

”I did not mean you,” he said. ”Arabella, please, let me explain.”

”I have never said no to you,” she said. ”I have never s.h.i.+rked my duty. If it was not enough, if you wanted more from me, why did you not tell me or ask for what you wanted or come to me more often? I would not have denied you. I believe you know I would not. I have told you and I have tried to show during every moment since our marriage that I mean to be an obedient wife and that I wish to make you comfortable. You have sinned against me terribly to take a mistress.”

He turned away and walked to the window. He stood looking sightlessly out. ”Yes, I have, Arabella,” he said.

”I know I am not pretty and that I do not know much about the world,” she said, ”and I know you would have far preferred to marry Frances or some other attractive lady. I know that. But you did marry me. No one forced you to do it. You did it of your own free will. And so you took on a duty too. You owed it to me to be faithful. And I have always been willing to learn. If there was anything I could have done to make you more comfortable, I would have done it readily. But you have never asked, and you have never offered to teach me.”

”Arabella, don't do this to yourself,” he said, his brow against a pane of the window. ”None of this is your fault, believe me. You have been everything I could expect of a bride, and more. Perhaps if you would let me explain...”

”I don't want to hear you speak,” she said, ”and I don't want to see you or feel your touch. I don't want you near me anymore. I don't want you in my bed. I know I am your wife and that I must remain so. And as your wife I owe you obedience. You will not find me disobedient in future, my lord. If you choose to speak to me, I will listen. If you choose to touch me, I shall not flinch. And if you choose to come to my bed, I shall receive you dutifully. I shall bear your children if I must, and love them too because they are mine and cannot help being yours. But I want you to know one thing. Everything I do for you from this moment on will be done out of duty alone. I will do nothing willingly.”

His hands gripped the windowsill. His eyes closed. ”You will not find me making your life a misery, Arabella,” he said.

”I thought you were perfect,” she said. ”I have felt awkward and tongue-tied and apologetic because I could not compete with your splendor. You have not deserved my admiration, my lord. I no longer respect or like you.”

He took a deep breath and turned to face her. ”It is sometimes a dangerous thing to put a living person on a pedestal,” he said. ”He has all the farther to fall. I am sorry, Arabella, but there is nothing I can say in my own defense, is there? I have a mistress, yes. She has been under my protection for longer than a year. I do not feel less for you as a result. But I have caused you pain and disillusionment, and I am sorry.” He shrugged his shoulders. ”You may leave to do whatever it is you have planned for this morning. I have work to do here before taking myself out of your sight for the rest of the day.”

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