c11 (1/2)
Le 213-234)
Chapter 11:
Muda suddenly ca of the Hina festival
He wasn’t drunk, and he didn’t seem like he was in a particularly bad mood either As the sun set in the horizon, he showed up at , “I left; Watanabe-san to look after the store, so I don’t have to go back tonight,” before he took me in his arms
It was unusual for hiht have been hoping to catch soave nothing away
He was ih as he sat dorapped h his actions had a natural flow to it, it was strange how rushed he was being
“What’s wrong?” I forced a smile on my face as I stiffened my body and tried to turn my face away from his kisses
“You’re acting like so happen?”
“No, I just wanted to see you, that’s all”
“Well, you could have at least called me first”
He didn’t reply to my comment and just whispered in ether Why not tonight? It is the day of the Hina festival, after all”
“What does a night out and a Hina festival have to do with one another?”
“It’s a day to celebrate women”
“That doesn’t et me drunk on amazake?”
“How about wine in place of that?”
“Either way, if you were going to ask me out to dinner, then you didn’t have to do this kind of thing as soon as you stepped into the door… hey, let o take a shower; I want to wash my hair”
“You don’t need to do that”
“I was just about to get ready to go to work It’s always like this, isn’t it? Whenever I finally get in the et in the way”
He chuckled and leaned down to lightly bite down on my earlobe I felt his breath on the back of my neck
I felt his hand slipping under the thin black sweater I earing Since I wasn’t wearing anything underneath, I felt his hand directly one
“Stop it”
“Why?”
“I’ht”
“Well, I’ll change your mind All you have to do is lie down Come on now, just relax…”
“I said, no!”
Irritated, I put both ainst his chest and tried to push as hard as I could Muda, however, just grabbed both my hands in jest and pressed me back into the sofa
He lifted both my arms into the air and I couldn’t move my body
“I don’t want this”
“You’re lying, Mio You want ht”
“No, I don’t Don’t push your luck If you think I’ll always go along hat you say, then you’re in for a big awak…”
He covered my lips with his, and my words were lost
The afternoon had an air of spring with its warht chilliness had swept the apartment I had the air conditioner turned off, so it was a bit cool I didn’t have any socks on, so e to go to the bathrooaffected by this
I put a scowl on my face and turned my face away from him as I tried to escape his kisses, but he easily captured ain He didn’t even seem irritated by my lack of enthusiasm as he continued sensual kisses If you put aside the fact that his breathing was slightly uneven, he wasn’t any different from his usual calm self
Even the way he caressed me was no different froh they were fervent, each move felt somewhat cooly detached Each movement was driven by a calm focus…
He always had the upper hand He didn’t knohat itme down on the sofa like this, it felt as if he would forever remain the victor
I didn’t knohat it was that gave him such confidence Was it the foolish belief that there were as many women on this earth as there are stars in the sky and that he could easily make any of them his? Or was it simply that he had an insatiable lust for pleasure that was so overwhel that it made him blind to reality?
He continued his caresses I closed in to physically react to his touches I knew full well how pleased he would be thatto him, and yet, I was helpless to stop it
In an instant, the creases that had become etched betweenI could feel aup my throat, and I bit down the inside ofht theht, the deeper I could feel
I questioned ain in my mind why this could happen, but I didn’t have the answer to that question
I remembered back to the story of a wo sex with a man she wanted to cut ties with It was a story that I had heard from Misao a few years prior
It was a story about a distant relative of a lawyer acquaintance of Misao’s She had been having a sexual relationshi+p with her superior at work Eventually, a man she truly cared for appeared in her life, and so she atte the affair with her superior behind her; things didn’t go as planned though Every ti up the topic, he would reach out to her, and every tioodbye
She couldn’t help but feel deep hatred at herself and one day, as she was having sex with hiue She wasn’t able to successfully bite it off, but blood began to pour out from her mouth, and he, in shock at what had happened, quickly called an ambulance
When Misao had first told me that story, I wondered if there was such depth to a hatred that could lead to soue off At that time, I wondered why she had to resort to that If she hated as happening, why didn’t she just end things with her and that man? Why did it have to coue?
In this instant though, I kind of understood what she was feeling at that ti a man who didn’t move my heart to have his ithto do with having loose iven was the fact that this traitorous body would respond to each caress frousted with myself that I wished I could drop dead on this spot
After he had gone through theand took me to my bedroom
“No,” I said as I thrashed s
Althoughto accept the physical sexual release that was fast approaching, ave rise fro this
Despite having said that word though, a part offorward to it I could feel the ani Muda not as aout to him
He laidas he did so I could feel tears for everything about thishim It felt as if my body had separated from my mind
In the deep corner ofout his name I couldn’t help but think: asn’t this person as doing this to ht My mind flashed back to when he held ers… knuckles… and palm
Although what I felt then hadn’t been lust, in that moment, I had felt a deep, deep ecstasy I also felt a wash of relief coave rise when aniether It was a quiet happiness that ca of deep satisfaction that made me want to cry out…
Ever since that day, I beca him Whenever I accidentally touched his ar to run away
Even though I kept my distance, from time to ti serenity to theaze, I felt a rush of war me, I felt a heat as if he had Every time that happened, a sinful joy would take a hold of my heart
Muda continued to persist with his caresses His touch has a slow relaxedness to it that et on with it
He was looking down on me Itmy body respond, and he was the one ould make me cry out in the throes of passion
“I’m sick and tired of this,” I spit these words out as I buried my face in the pillow I could feel tear after tear stain the pillows “Why do you…”
“I want to see you turned on,” he said “I want to see the Mio ants me”
“I don’t want you though Can’t you understand that?”
“Oh, really? Is that right? Are you sure? Don’t lie to me now Liars fall down to the pits of hell, you know See? Can’t you feel how much you want me…”
The way he said this, I sensed a slight conteht the heat that was building inthat I had
In o I wanted to see hi person I had become
Muda had begun to take off his clothes His breathing was uneven I couldn’t help but think how si as it rolled around in mud
The bedroom curtains were still open, and I could see froht hadn’t been turned on, so the roohtly dark and an ink-washed darkness spread out before me I couldn’t even see clearly the outline of his body as he shed his clothes
He stepped out of his pants, and reached for his underwear As if I aiting for this moment, I sat up abruptly My hair was in a disarray and I was still naked as I got up off of the bed
And with that, I said in a low voice to thisin front of me in his underwear:
“Leave”
“What?”
“I’m sorry, but please leave”
“What are you so upset about?”
“I’ain that I didn’t want to sleep with you, didn’t I?”
I felt so point and snap Silence swept the room
He was standing beside the bed in silence I thought what a huray briefs and black socks…
Muda let out a short chuckle, “You said you didn’t want to sleep with me? You said that”
“Yes, I did”
“You’ve never said so like that to me before”
“I’ue with you about it, so please leave”
He didn’t answer He stood motionless and looked at me I was still naked
“Or what, do you intend to rapeto be?”
“Okay, fine I got it” He said in a low voice
His voice didn’t quiver in anger In the di froed ten years before ish as he slowly put on the shi+rt that he had just taken off, and zipped his pants
He ran his fingers through his hair to straighten it He bent down to pick up the watch that had fallen on the floor Without putting it on, he shoved it into his pants and he left the room without another word
I heard hi on his shoes at the front entrance, as well as the creak of the door as it shut behind him My ears strained to catch the sounds I couldn’t hear anything more after that other than the sirens of an ambulance as it passed by
I was still undressed as I dashed to the front entrance, locked the door, and put the chain in place I closed all the curtains in my apartment, jumped into the shower, and scrubbed my body
My hair was still wet and I only had a torapped around o He picked up after the fifth ring
“Where are you right now?”
“I was just buying sos at the local convenience store What about you?”
“I’ht, right?”
“Well, no I don’t, but… hey, did so happen? You don’t sound like…”
“…I want to see you”
Silence crackled on the other line I could hear the sound of livelyin the background
“It’s the same for me,” he replied “I want to see you too Let’s meet”
“Now Is that okay?”
“Of course Should I go over to your place? Or would you rather meet somewhere else?”
“Can I go to your place?”
“Mine?”
“Or would I only be intruding?”
“You’re welcome here, it’s just… it’s really small You’ll be shocked by how small it is If you’re okay with that, then…”
I smiled and replied, “of course that’s okay” I told hihbourhood vicinity before I ended the call
His apartment complex was tucked away in a part of town that was nearest to the Sakurashi+nmachi station on the Denen City Line I had a hazy recollection of hi told me where it was, but I had never been there before
I wanted to see what his rooenuine curiosity and nothing more than that
If an older sister were to visit her younger brother’s place, it would probably be froer brother had caused some trouble of sorts, or just because she was curious about where he was living and what kind of life he was leading And in that s were clearly for the latter
That being said, I could pretty uess what I would come across His room would probably be unbelievably messy with faded curtains, half-heartedly stacked books and ed inwith dishes that had traces of food crusted over, and a CD case that was in a disarray…
It was probably the case that his apart alone would have What I wanted was to blend into that scenery and drink cheap instant coffee fros
And as I did so, the feeling of each and every caress that Muda had done would fade away in no tiainst his chest, and I would be able to release all the tension that had built up inside me It would be like a small animal that had returned back to its warm den…
I went to Sakuraotten out of the taxi, I usedabout so when he picked up the phone
“Why are you laughing?”