Part 25 (1/2)

A girl said, Are you going to tell someone about this? You know, the police, or something?'

No!' Daniel said. I couldn't go through that.'

You could send an anonymous note, or a phone call.' This came from a boy who looked at least three years younger than Daniel, his face plastered in black and white makeup.

Do what you like, but keep me out of it.' Daniel began to move towards the door. It seemed miles away.

Do you want a drink?' Cressida asked him, as the hot, clawing atmosphere of the club embraced them again.

He nodded. Yes. Something strong.'

Cressida took him back to Letiel, and excuses were offered concerning faintness, being too hot, a bug'.

What happened?' Letiel asked him, her eyes knowing. She was not to be deluded.

Nothing. I just felt weird.'

Cressida came back with Owen. Daniel wasn't sure whether he was pleased to see him or not. Owen handed Daniel a gla.s.s. Drink that and get your jacket. We're going.' Even though he didn't raise his voice that much, Daniel could hear him perfectly despite the music.

You can't drive!' Daniel yelled, his own voice diminutive beneath the din.

I'm fine. Come on.'

Cressida and Letiel accompanied them to the door. See you soon?' Letiel asked Daniel.

He nodded, Yes, I expect so.' He gripped her arm briefly.

Call me,' she said. Owen has the number.'

Of course he has.'

She chose to ignore the caustic innuendo. I mean it. Call me.'

Daniel smiled weakly. He saw Cressida reach up and put her arms around Owen's neck, her face raised for a kiss. Owen stooped a little, offered her his cheek, then patted her face. Bye, Cress. See you soon.'

Outside in the city, it was autumn cold, as if the unnatural warmth that smothered Little Moor's nights didn't extend beyond the village itself. Daniel felt drunk, although Owen appeared to have sobered up very quickly. He strode ahead, perhaps angry. Daniel couldn't speak to him. The images he'd received from the silver bracelet still echoed round his head, which otherwise felt empty and dark; receding echoes of sight and sound.

The drive back to Little Moor was completed in utter silence, not even a tape to break the night. Owen stared straight ahead, lost in his own thoughts. Daniel was thinking, it is over, it never started. It is over. The whole evening had seemed a travesty of enjoyment. All that meaningless waffle in the night club, the sordid incident with Cressida. What's happening to me? The ability to know things seemed preposterous, somehow false and staged. It had been as if someone else had put the words into his mouth, someone who really possessed the ability, who stood hidden nearby, transmitting messages as Daniel gabbled out his fragments of information. He wanted to talk to Owen about it, but feared ridicule. Yet wasn't it Owen who'd suggested Daniel was psychic? Perhaps it was some freak psychological aberration playing itself out now, his desire for Owen made tangible by the appearance of being what Owen wanted. The silence was too hard to break. Daniel dared not violate it.

Owen pulled up in the lane outside Low Mede. Daniel opened the car door. The engine purred to itself, Owen stared ahead. Daniel wanted to cry, What have I done? Tell me!' He knew that if he let Owen go now without saying anything, the chance, however slim and fragile it was, would be lost for ever. He looked at the house. There was a dim light burning behind the curtains of his father's study, but otherwise the house was in darkness. Verity would probably be in the lounge watching TV without the light on. Normally, on a Friday night, Owen would come back to Low Mede to scrounge sandwiches, drink coffee, lounge in the attic room, smoking joints. Was this ritual forbidden now?

Are you coming in?' Daniel asked.

Owen glanced at him. You mean you want me to?'

Daniel shrugged. It's not that late.'

Owen sighed. I don't know, Daniel.'

Oh, suit yourself!' Daniel was filled with a brief wave of anger. Suddenly, we're not friends. OK, if that's the way you want it.'

He got out of the car and slammed the door. As he walked, not too quickly, up the drive, he heard Owen pull the car onto the gravel. The headlights went off as Daniel put his key in the door.

Daniel.'

He said nothing but let Owen follow him into the house. Immediately, they both a.s.sumed their habitual Friday night behaviour of sneaking as quietly as possible to the kitchen, in order to avoid confrontation with any other members of the household.

Daniel went directly to fill the kettle. Owen gently shut the door, standing just inside the room. He lit a cigarette.

Did Cressida tell you what happened?' Daniel asked.

Owen ventured forward and sat on the edge of the table, his back to Daniel. A bit.'

You seem really interested!'

Owen rubbed his face with one hand. I am, Daniel. I just can't think at the moment.'

You didn't have to pick me up this afternoon. We didn't have to go to Cresterfield. Don't punish me, O.'

Owen looked over his shoulder. I'm not. To be honest, I don't know why I came to the school. I shouldn't have. I don't even know if it was my idea.'

What do you mean?'

Owen shook his head. Nothing.' He stood up again, stubbed out his cigarette, hardly smoked, in a saucer on the dresser. Look, it's senseless me being here.' Daniel saw him take a deep breath before he turned round. The truth is, I can't be friends any more, Daniel. It just won't work. I've wrecked it, not you. When I picked you up today, I wanted to say things, but it was obvious I couldn't. It's unfair on you. I'm sorry if you had a bad time tonight.'

So this is it then, is it? You walk out of here and we never speak again?' Daniel managed to laugh. I can't believe you! You're so f.u.c.king selfis.h.!.+'

OK, you want the truth, then have it. I'd rather not speak to you again than have to watch you go off with someone like Letty or Cress. I can't do it, Daniel. It's in me to want you, and it's obvious you feel differently. If I hadn't been there tonight, you would have got together with Letty. Every time I looked at you she was all over you. Whenever our eyes met, you looked as if you were scared of what I might think. I was in your way. I took you out to dinner to talk about this, but I could tell you were dreading I'd say something. So I didn't. The look on your face when I picked you up from school said it all. It was horror, Daniel. I embarra.s.sed you, didn't I? You think that makes me feel good? You think that makes me want to sit here and make small talk with you?' Owen pulled a sour face and swiped the air with his hand. You see? You see?'

Daniel digested this outburst, unable for a moment, to say anything in response. The kettle grunted and whined in the silence of the room. Owen sat down on the table again and put his face in his hands. Daniel wanted to go to him, hold him, but it wasn't that easy. There was a barrier to be breached. O, Wednesday night...' he began.

Owen groaned and interrupted. Please, don't. It's too grotesque!' He hugged himself defensively.

Daniel went up beside him, put his hand on Owen's arm. He wanted to offer rea.s.surance, encouragement, but a maelstrom of images silenced his words. Heavy breathing, but of terror, not desire. Owen's taut body, his hammering heart, his hunger to plunder and invade held back. As well as this, a pitiful ache of longing, of feelings impossible to articulate, a sense of history, of timelessness, a silver reed of connection stretching back and back into the black, diamond studded night of eternity and magic, the earth, the power, a circle. Then, the sister. She: hanging there in the spangled sky, a flame of whiteness, the G.o.ddess. He, her acolyte. The only one. Owen was virgin, but for her. A severed umbilical cord, waving free, emanated from her belly. But she was not distressed by this. It was Owen who was drifting alone.

Daniel withdrew his hand, flexed his fingers. They felt frozen. O, I had no idea,' he said.

Owen looked at him. There were tears on his face, his eyes were red.

About Lily,' Daniel said.

You know about that?' Owen asked.

He nodded. Yes. It is inside you and speaks to me. There was no need to pretend the other night. You should have told me. It wouldn't have mattered. I wasn't there to be impressed. It was my first time too, remember.' He took Owen's hands in his own, pulled them away from Owen's face. I don't want Letty, or anyone like her. I feel the same as you do. You're so stupid, O. You've deafed me out all evening. I wondered what I'd done.'

Owen managed a shaky laugh. So I get a second chance?'

You haven't used up the first one yet.'

As they kissed, the kettle clicked off. With Owen sitting on the table, they were the same height. Owen wrapped his legs around Daniel's thighs, pulled him closer. Daniel heard a door open somewhere else in the house, far away. It was Owen who broke the kiss, but he didn't push Daniel away. Verity might come in.'