Part 40 (1/2)

Allow me to congratulate you, madam,”--extending his hand,--”on having secured one of the finest dogs in America. And you also, Mr. Fryback, on having a wife who is such a discriminating judge of thoroughbreds.”

Mr. Fryback looked a trifle startled, but said nothing.

”If you ever come to our town, Mr. Crow, I hope you will look us up,”

broke in Mr. Fox. ”Our place is about two miles out in the country. By the way, has Mrs. Crow a good dog--I mean one that she can be proud of?”

”She has a thoroughbred setter,” said Marshal Crow, compressing his lips.

”A hundred dollars is a lot of money fer a dog,” murmured Mr. Fryback.

He met his wife's eye for a second and then added: ”But, of course, my wife has just lost one that was worth a thousand dollars, so--I guess it ain't so much, after all.”

”Marmaduke was a really wonderful dog, Mrs. Fox,” vouchsafed Mort's wife, a.s.suming a sad and pensive expression.

”I am sure he must have been,” said Mrs. Fox.

”One hundred dollars is very cheap, sir, for a thoroughbred Boston terrier in these days,” said Mr. Fox. ”Isn't that so, Mr. Crow?”

”Cheap as dirt,” said Anderson.

”Mortimer, will you please give Mr. Fox the money?” said Mrs. Fryback.

”And, by the way, Mr. Crow, I hope you take down all those reward notices at once. I wouldn't know what to do with Marmaduke now, even if some one did bring him back to me.”

”I know what I'd order you to do with him,” said Anderson, meeting Mort's melancholy gaze at last.

”What, may I inquire?”

”I'd order you to bury him,” said the town marshal, speaking in his capacity as chairman of the Board of Health.

Mrs. Fryback looked at him steadily for a second or two, and then slowly closed an eye.

SHADES OF THE GARDEN OF EDEN!

It wasn't often that Marshal Crow acknowledged that he was in a quandary. When he _did_ find himself in that rare state of mind, he invariably went to Harry Squires, the editor of the _Banner_, for counsel--but never for advice. He had in the course of a protracted career as preserver of the peace and dignity of Tinkletown, found himself confronted by seemingly unsolvable mysteries, but he always had succeeded in unravelling them, one way or another, to his own complete satisfaction. Only the grossest impudence on the part of the present chronicler would permit the tiniest implication to creep into this or any other chapter of his remarkable history that might lead the reader to suspect that he did not solve them to the complete satisfaction of any one else. So, quite obviously, the point is not one to be debated.

Now, as nearly every one knows, Tinkletown is a temperance place. There is no saloon there,--unless, of course, one chooses to be rather nasty about Brubaker's Drugstore. Away back in the Seventies,--soon after the Civil War, in fact,--an enterprising but misguided individual attempted to establish a bar-room at the corner of Main and Sickle Streets. He opened the Sunlight Bar and for one whole day and night revelled in the conviction that he had found a silver mine. The male population of Tinkletown, augmented by a swarm of would-be inebriates from all the farms within a radius of ten miles, flocked to the Sunlight Bar and proceeded to get gloriously and collectively drunk on the contents of the two kegs of lager beer that const.i.tuted an experimental stock in trade.

The next morning the women of Tinkletown started in to put the Sunlight Bar out of business. They did not, as you may suspect, hurl stones at the place, neither did they feloniously enter and wreak destruction with axes, hatchets and hoe-handles. Not a bit of it. They were peaceful, law-abiding women, not sanguinary amazons. What they did was perfectly simple.

It is possible, even probable, that they were the pioneer ”pickets” of our benighted land. At any rate, bright and early on the second day of the Sunlight Bar, the ladies of Tinkletown brought their knitting and their sewing down to the corner of Main and Sickle streets and sat themselves down in front of the shrinking ”silver mine.” They came with rocking-chairs, and camp-chairs, and milk-stools, and benches, too, and instead of chanting a doleful lay, they chattered in a blithe and merry fas.h.i.+on. There was no going behind the fact, however, that these smiling, complacent women formed the Death Watch that was to witness the swift, inevitable finish of the Sunlight Bar.

[Ill.u.s.tration: _These smiling, complacent women formed the Death Watch that was to witness the swift, inevitable finish of the Sunlight Bar_]

They came in relays, and they stayed until the lights went out in the desolate house of cheer. The next day they were on hand again, and the next, and still the next. Fortunately for them, but most unluckily for the proprietor of the Sunlight Bar, the month was August: they could freeze him out, but he couldn't freeze them out.

Sheepish husbands and sons pa.s.sed them by, usually on the opposite sidewalk, but not one of them had the hardihood to extend a helping hand to the expiring saloon. At the end of a week, the Sunlight Bar drew its last breath. It died of starvation. The only mourner at its bier was the bewildered saloon-keeper, who engaged a dray to haul the remains to Boggs City, the County seat, and it was he who said, as far back as 1870, that he was in favour of taking the vote away from the men and giving it exclusively to the women.

Tinkletown, according to the sage observations of Uncle Dad Simms, was rarely affected by the unsettling problems of the present day. This talk about ”labour unrest” was ridiculous, he said. If the remainder of the world was anything like Tinkletown, labour didn't do much except rest.