Part 14 (1/2)
Cleopatra was a voluptuous and extravagant woman, and in one of the feasts she gave to Antony at Alexandria, she melted pearls into her drink to render the entertainment more sumptuous and expensive. She was fond of appearing dressed as a G.o.ddess; and she advised Antony to make war against the richest nations, to support her debaucheries. Her beauty has been greatly commended, and her mental perfections so highly celebrated, that she has been described as capable of giving audience to the amba.s.sadors of seven different nations, and of speaking their various languages as fluently as her own.
How vain are the possessions of beauty, power, personal and mental accomplishments, if to these are not united virtuous principles. All history, as well as all experience, is full of examples calculated to impress the great lesson that
”VIRTUE alone is HAPPINESS below.”
AN ESSAY ON MATRIMONY.
Socrates, being asked, whether it were better for a man to marry, or to remain single, replied,--”Let him do either, he will repent of it.”
The philosopher spoke 'like an oracle,' leaving the world as much in the dark as to his views of the comparative advantages of matrimony and celibacy, as they could have been before. But a vast majority of men have chosen, since they must repent of one or the other, to repent of marrying, deeming perhaps that this repentance is ”_the repentance which needeth not to be repented of_.”
We shall conclude our little treatise on ”the s.e.x,” with a few remarks on the subject of--we were about to say--Happiness,--but as we are content that every married man and woman should judge for themselves as to the happiness of the married state, we will simply style it an ESSAY ON MATRIMONY.
No event is more important, and none is conducted, on many occasions, with less prudence, than Marriage. Providence has allowed the pa.s.sions to exercise a powerful influence in this matter, otherwise the cares and anxieties with which it is attended would deter most persons from launching their bark of earthly happiness on the great ocean of matrimony. But too frequently the pa.s.sions are the only guide, and these stimulate to bewilder: they exhibit pleasing and attractive imagery, and then the possession destroys the bliss.
Love is a pleasing but exciting pa.s.sion. The eye is delighted by form, manners, and the expression of the features, the ears by musical language, and the imagination paints future joys; all of which contribute to one great principle, that of receiving happiness from those we love, and evincing love for those from whom we derive our happiness. As the crystal streams are absorbed by the sun, and distributed as brilliant clouds in the heavens, and then fall and run in their accustomed channels, and thus the rivers supply the clouds, and the vapors the rivers, so is the interchange between love and happiness.
This will agree with the opinion that love may be occasioned suddenly, because enjoyment is expected; or it may arise gradually, because the unattractiveness which first existed, may be succeeded by attraction.
There was no appointment by nature of particular persons for each other; but we may expect among a great variety of occurrences to meet with some singular and astonis.h.i.+ng coincidences. Human beings appear to be left in this respect, as in many others, to their own judgment. If they act discreetly, they enjoy the comfort of it; but if otherwise, they bring upon themselves a disadvantage.
The happiness arising from an union depends chiefly on the character of the persons who are concerned in it. If men and women were as consistent and virtuous as they should be, the connubial bond would be soft and pleasant; but as these effects do not always arise, where is the fault?
Which is better, or more worthy, the male or the female s.e.x? This is rather a difficult question; and let the palm of superior merit be awarded to either, the imputation of prejudice would be connected with the decision. But fortunately there is little difference: one varies from the other in particular qualities; but if the aggregate of merit be taken in each, the amount will not differ much. Education forms the princ.i.p.al variation: men are instructed in the more active and laborious employments, women in the more sedentary and domestic. Dr Southey says, that ”if women are not formed of finer clay, there has been more of the dew of heaven to temper it.” Richard Flecknoe, a contemporary with Dryden, observes of the female s.e.x,--”I have always been conversant with the best and worthiest in all places where I came; and among the rest with ladies, in whose conversation, as in an academy of virtue, I learnt nothing but goodness, and saw nothing but n.o.bleness.” It must be granted, that women in general possess more of the sweetness and softness of human nature, while men are endowed with more vigorous virtues; women are gifted with more fort.i.tude, and men with more valor.
Jeremy Taylor says,--”Marriage hath in it the labor of love, and the delicacies of friends.h.i.+p; the blessings of society, and the union of hands and hearts.”
Cowper has also alluded to the advantages of a matrimonial settlement,--
”O friendly to the best pursuits of man, Friendly to thought, to virtue, and to peace, Domestic life in rural pleasure pa.s.s'd.”
Marriage is frequently an union of interest: the happiness of one is made a source of enjoyment to the other. It is for life, because it is most agreeable with the inclination of mankind that friends.h.i.+p, esteem and love should be permanent. In this instance a continuance of the union const.i.tutes no small part of the bliss. The expectation of a durable connection makes men careful, otherwise they would marry and unmarry every week. There is, by the arrangement of the Almighty, a comparative power or influence vested in the man, because, agreeably with all good government,--
”Some are, and must be, greater than the rest;”
but then, as Dr Beattie observes, ”the superiority vested by law in the man is compensated to the woman by that superior complaisance which is paid them by every man who aspires to elegance of manners.” And besides this, the husband has frequently the nominal, while the wife has the actual power:--
”Like as the helme doth rule the s.h.i.+ppe,”
so she regulates all the household affairs. This is proper, when the husband allows it; and he ought to do so, when his wife is capable of managing these things; but when the inclinations of his Eve run perversely, when he is conscious that he has reason on his side, and she only folly, and yet he is vacillating and yielding, he is unmanly and inconsistent; he sacrifices future happiness to present peace. Every woman, it must be granted, is not a sensible one; and ”there is nothing,” as Lord Burleigh observed to his son, ”more fulsome than a she foole.” If Socrates had properly controlled his Xantippe before her disorder had increased beyond cure, it would have contributed to her happiness and his own. Prince Eugene observed, on one occasion, rather satirically, that love was a mere amus.e.m.e.nt, and calculated for nothing more than to enlarge the influence of the woman, and abridge the power of the man. Goldsmith's Hermit said to his lovely visiter,--
”And love is still an emptier sound, The modern fair one's jest; On earth unseen, or only found To warm the turtle's nest.”
But love is an actual, a powerful, and a beneficial principle, if it be properly regulated. Among married persons there ought to be as much love as would induce either to yield in trifling matters; and there ought to be as much reason as would enable both to act correctly. Matrimony should be something like the union of the ivy and the oak: the latter is firm, and capable of supporting its more tender companion; the ivy, however, must follow in some measure the humors and windings of the oak; but they grow together, and the longer they continue the more closely they are united. There have been many instances of great attachment.
Porcia, the wife of Brutus, when she heard of her husband's death swallowed burning coals that she might go with him. Alceste, wife of Admetus king of Thessaly, sacrificed herself for the safety of her husband. This monarch was ill; and when the oracle was consulted, it was declared that he would not recover except some friend would die for him; and as no one else would do so, the wife heroically drank a cup of poison. Paulina the wife of Seneca in his old age, was young, beautiful, and accomplished; and she was so much attached to her husband, that when the veins of Seneca were opened by the command of Nero, she caused her own to be cut, that she might also bleed to death. When Conrad III. had taken the town of Winsberg in Bavaria, he allowed only the women to go out; but they had leave to carry with them as much as they pleased. They loaded themselves, therefore, with their husbands and children, and brought them all out on their shoulders! When love is genuine; when professions are sincere, and the practice agreeable therewith; when health is enjoyed, and as many comforts as are necessary for this life; when children grow up in vigor, good behaviour, and mental improvement; when old age is solaced by the company of each other, and the kind attention of daughters and sons; then matrimony is a cause of happiness.
But if all these enjoyments were the lot of every married person, men would become too much contented with the present life, and they would scarcely think, as they sail on smoothly, of the haven, for which they are bound. Besides, the fascinations of domestic life would attract them from many duties which they owe to their fellow creatures. There are then many disadvantages connected with matrimony. There is so much ignorance, perverseness, undue inclination for power, disposition to contradict, anger, jealousy, hatred, and versatility among human beings that many unpleasant occurrences will necessarily arise, and especially in the marriage state, because here most of these feelings are brought into action, and are most sensibly felt by those who are subject to their influence. He that paints the experience of human life in brilliant colors only gives a flattering and deceptive representation,--he may just as well pretend that the heavens are always cloudless. People soon discover that there are sorrows in the world as well as joys, unpleasant as well as pleasant events; hence arises the advantage of examining, of pointing out, and endeavoring to avoid ”the ills which flesh is heir to.” The perpetuity of marriage, under pleasing circ.u.mstances, is its most lovely character; but the same peculiarity, under a different aspect, is its princ.i.p.al source of misery. It is too frequently a state of bondage, ”which thousands once fast-chained to quit no more.” But what exists, and cannot be removed, should always be borne as patiently as possible; and thus we may keep a cheerful heart, when another, less prudent, would be gloomy. Besides, an ill temper makes every condition of life unhappy; a cheerful disposition will throw a gleam of suns.h.i.+ne over the scenery of a November day. Some people, very foolishly, make themselves uneasy because they are bound.