Part 5 (1/2)

AFTERWARDS THEY HAD a whispered conversation.

'When he came into the courtyard,' she told him, lying on her side, facing him, 'I thought he was my father come back to life.'

Shock broke across his face, and then understanding. He brushed her hair with his fingers. 'Oh, Fire. No wonder. But Nash is nothing like Cansrel.'

'Not Nash. Brigan.'

'Brigan even less.'

'It was the light,' she said. 'And the hatred in his eyes.'

He touched her face and her shoulder gently, careful always of her bandaged arm. He kissed her. 'Cansrel is dead. He can't hurt you.'

She choked on the words; she couldn't say them out loud. She said them into his mind. He was my own father. He was my own father.

His arm came around her and held her tight. She closed her eyes and buried her thoughts so that all there was was the smell and the touch of Archer against her face and her b.r.e.a.s.t.s, her stomach, her body. Archer pushed her memories away.

'Stay here with me,' he said sometime later, still holding her, sleepily. 'You're not safe on your own.'

And how odd that his body could understand her so well; that his heart could understand her so well when it came to the truth about Cansrel, but still the simplest concepts never penetrated. There was nothing he could have said more guaranteed to make her leave.

To be fair, she probably would have gone anyway.

Out of love for her friend she waited until he was asleep.

SHE DIDN'T WANT trouble; she only wanted the stars, to tire her so that later she could sleep without dreams. She knew she would have to find her way to an outer window to see them. She decided to try the stables, because she was unlikely to run into any kings or princes there at this time of night. And at least if she found no sky-facing windows there, she would be with Small.

She covered her hair before she left, and wore dark clothing. She pa.s.sed guards and servants, and of course some of them stared, but as always in this holding, no one bothered her. Roen saw to it that the people under her roofs learned how to guard their minds as best they could. Roen knew the value of it.

The roofed pa.s.sageway to the stables was empty, and smelled comfortably of clean hay and horses. The stables were dark, lit by a single lantern at the near end. They were asleep, the horses, most of them, including her Small. He stood as he dozed, plain and quiet, leaning sideways, like a building about to topple. It might have worried her, except that he often slept like that, leaning one way or the other.

There was a window to the sky at the far end of the building, but when she went to it, she saw no stars. A cloudy night. She turned back down the long row of horses and stopped again before Small, smiling at his sleeping posture.

She eased the door open and sidled her way into his stall. She would sit with him for a while as he slept, and hum herself to tiredness. Even Archer couldn't object. No one would find her; curled up as she was against Small's doorway, no one who came into the stables would even see her. And if Small awoke, it would not surprise him to find his lady crooning at his feet. Small was accustomed to her night-time behaviour.

She settled herself down and breathed a song about a leaning horse.

SMALL NUDGED HER awake, and she knew instantly that she was not alone. She heard a male voice, baritone, very quiet, very near.

'I fight these looters and smugglers because they oppose the king's rule. But what right to rule do we have, really?'

'You frighten me when you talk like this.' Roen. Fire pushed herself against Small's door.

'What has the king done in thirty years to deserve allegiance?'

'Brigan-'

'I understand the motivations of some of my enemies better than I understand my own.'

'Brigan, this is your fatigue speaking. Your brother is fair-minded, you know that, and with your influence he does good.'

'He has some of Father's tendencies.'

'Well, what will you do? Let the raiders and smugglers have their way? Leave the kingdom to Lord Mydogg and his thug of a sister? Or Lord Gentian? Preserving Nash's kings.h.i.+p is the best hope for the Dells. And if you break with him you'll start a civil war four ways. You, Nash, Mydogg, Gentian. I fear to think who would come out on top. Not you, with the allegiance of the King's Army split between yourself and your brother.'

This was a conversation Fire should not be hearing, not under any circ.u.mstances, not in any world. She understood this now; but there was no helping it, for to reveal her presence would be disastrous. She didn't move, barely breathed. And listened hard despite herself, because doubt in the heart of the king's commander was an astonis.h.i.+ng thing.

Mildly now, and with a tone of concession: 'Mother, you go too far. I could never break with my brother, you know that. And you know I don't want the kings.h.i.+p.'

'This again, and it's no comfort to me. If Nash is killed, you'll have to be king.'

'The twins are older than I.'

'You're being deliberately obtuse tonight. Garan is ill, Clara is female, and both of them are illegitimate. The Dells will not get through this time without a king who is kingly.'

'I'm not kingly.'

'Twenty-two years old, commanding the King's Army as well as Brocker did? Your soldiers would fall on their own swords for you. You are kingly.'

'All right. But rocks, Mother, I hope I'll never be called king.'

'You once hoped you'd never be a soldier.'

'Don't remind me.' His voice was tired. 'My life is an apology for the life of my father.'

A long silence. Fire sat unbreathing. A life that was an apology for the life of his father: it was a notion she could understand, beyond words and thought. She understood it the way she understood music.

Small stirred and poked his head out of his stall to examine the low-voiced visitors. 'Just tell me you'll do your duty, Brigandell,' Roen said, her use of Brigan's royal name deliberate.

A s.h.i.+ft in his voice. He was laughing under his breath. 'I've become such an impressive warrior that you think I run around the mountains sticking swords into people because I enjoy it.'

'When you talk like this, you can't blame me for worrying.'

'I'll do my duty, Mother, as I have done every day.'

'You and Nash will make the Dells into something worth defending. You'll re-establish the order and the justice that Nax and Cansrel destroyed with their carelessness.'