Part 22 (1/2)

I shrugged. ”Yeah, well, they aren't really telling us anything, so we just have to let our imaginations get the best of us, you know?”

”Scary.” He wrote something down on his pad.

I didn't want him to pity me, write down that I was some fragile head case. So I quickly backpedaled. ”But what I mean is, money is just money. Losing it isn't like getting a terminal disease. It's easy to feel sorry for yourself, feel like everybody else has it better, easier, more glamorous. But you have to remember how good you have it. I'm, like, the queen of feeling sorry for myself, but even I have to have some perspective.”

He was nodding and leaning forward like I was so wise and deep, I couldn't stop myself from spouting more of my beautiful bulls.h.i.+t philosophy that I wished I believed in.

”People in my town get so hung up on surfaces, what they have, what they look like. I mean, come on. I just don't care, is the thing. It's scary, I guess, the whole crazy, like, economy thing, but my family is strong. We'll just hang together through whatever happens. Like, I can't go to Tennis Europe this summer, but so what? In the scheme of things. Actually, to tell the truth, I was kind of relieved about that.”

He let out a little sigh-laugh and said, ”I hear you. I got sent to California on a Teen Tour back in the day. Let me tell you.”

I nodded. ”Exactly. So, I actually count that as a plus. I'm happy to just hang around and swim, veg out.”

He laughed again, then asked, ”You swim?”

”Not like on a team. More like, I lie on a raft in our pool.”

”Now there's a team I could've started for-raft lying.”

”Yeah, me too,” I said. ”Well, if we still have a pool. I just focus on getting through the day, at this point.”

He chuckled and then asked me about my favorite color (black), my favorite music (anything by bands with colors in their names), favorite food (gummy bears), my hero (Gouverneur Morris), how would I describe my style.

”My style?” I asked.

He winked. ”It's a fas.h.i.+on magazine. Remember?”

”Right,” I said. ”Um, neo-post-middle-school?”

He cracked up.

Then he thanked me and turned off the tape recorder just as the door buzzed-and so did my phone.

23.

IT WAS A TEXT FROM Q QUINN:.

Where the f. r u?

I was just texting her back when my phone rang. It was Mom.

”Where the h.e.l.l are you?”

I smiled instinctively at the family resemblance, and then felt my stomach clench. ”Um,” I said. Six wise-guy answers popped into my head, starting with, ”Getting out of an elevator,” but I squelched them. I had at least that much survival sense.

”Are you at school?” Mom asked.

”No. Mom, please don't freak out....”

”Too late,” she growled.

”I'm in the city, and I-”

”She's in the city,” Mom said to somebody. ”Where?”

I looked for a street sign. The sign on the store beside me offered tattoos or Any body part ”pierced,” $15. Any body part ”pierced,” $15. ”Um,” I said. ”I'm at...the corner of...” I was walking fast away from the tattoo parlor, pa.s.sing a shop that sold only condoms, apparently, past another selling whips, chains, and T-s.h.i.+rts printed with stuff you'd probably be suspended for thinking about in my school, and then a Duane Reade drugstore and a bank. ”MacDougal and West Third?” ”Um,” I said. ”I'm at...the corner of...” I was walking fast away from the tattoo parlor, pa.s.sing a shop that sold only condoms, apparently, past another selling whips, chains, and T-s.h.i.+rts printed with stuff you'd probably be suspended for thinking about in my school, and then a Duane Reade drugstore and a bank. ”MacDougal and West Third?”

”She's in the Village,” Mom said. ”Is there a Starbucks?”

I looked around. Across the street was a store all boarded up and a creepy-looking store that advertised All VHS discount $9 All VHS discount $9 and also and also Live Girls Live Girls. I tried to rea.s.sure myself that live was better than dead, but that just made me feel very young and very suburban and also a bit like I was about to start crying again.

”Allison?”

”I'm here,” I managed. ”Oh, I see a Starbucks. It's on West Third.”

”We're coming to get you. South of MacDougal?”

”I don't know.” Did she think I had brought a compa.s.s? I hadn't intended to go exploring the arctic. In fact, I hadn't intended even to be exploring MacDougal Street.

”We'll find you. Keep your phone on. You are in big trouble, little girl.”

”I know,” I said.

She hung up. I crossed the street at the light. A girl crossing next to me was holding hands with a guy, and they were laughing like nothing could ever go wrong. I followed them into Starbucks, but instead of trying to be slick I ordered a water and sat down at a table by the window to wait.

After a very long time, or maybe it was only half an hour, I picked up my phone and texted Roxie: Hey.

She texted back: Y r u texting a jealous s.l.u.t? Y r u texting a jealous s.l.u.t?

Because she is my bff, I texted back. I texted back.

Hahahahaha, was her reply. was her reply.

I was mad because u hooked up w Ty Sat nite. I don't even care anymore. I am in a Starbucks in the Village-after the awful callback which I flunked and before my parents come to kill me and I just wanted to say b4 they do that I'm sorry I said that about you, sorry my evil phone sent it to everybody, and that I don't care who you (or Ty) hook up with.

Send.

I waited, sipping the dregs of my water.

I didn't, is all she sent back. is all she sent back.

People said you totally did. It's OK.

People lie, she texted back. she texted back.

Yes, I thought, I thought, I know I know. But which people? It's hard to tell which people to believe, and which ones to trust to have your best interests at heart, according to my friend the devil. So how do you know what to think? How do you ever trust anybody? Maybe the answer is you never should, Maybe the answer is you never should, I thought, but then immediately another part of me thought, I thought, but then immediately another part of me thought, What kind of life would that be? What kind of life would that be? Not just bitter but also probably impossible to pull off. At some point you just have to close your eyes and jump. But which way? Not just bitter but also probably impossible to pull off. At some point you just have to close your eyes and jump. But which way?