Part 3 (1/2)

A smile broke slowly across his face, a wise-guy smile, crooked and naughty. ”Senator from New York?”

”No, governor,” I corrected. ”No! Representative!”

He laughed. ”Whatever you say.”

If I'd had both feet on the floor at that point I still might've wobbled, but as it was, with one foot falling asleep up near my b.u.t.t, I lurched left, overcorrected, tipped right, and only managed to not fall flat on my face in front of Tyler Moss by whipping around into a drunken-looking pirouette and landing on my back.

”Interpretive dance of Mayor Morris?”

”Yeah,” I answered. ”Very symbolic.”

”Definitely,” he said, and smiled that smile again. ”See, now I understand the whole Const.i.tution.”

I closed my eyes, though truly, there was little chance I would fall again, since I was still on the floor trapped like a wannabe Houdini inside my own brown corduroys. I tried to look casual by propping myself up on my elbows. ”Don't you have a cla.s.s first period?”

He shrugged and said, ”Yeah, plumbing. But I can't find my plunger. Have you seen it?”

And then he walked away.

4.

I MANAGED TO KEEP MY MANAGED TO KEEP MY little flirt-fest to myself, luckily, because on our way out of school at the end of the day, with my Eleanor Roosevelt quote card tucked into my pocket beside my cell phone, Roxie and I rounded the corner near the gym and practically smacked right into Tyler Moss, who was leaning with his hand on the brick wall, and between him and the wall was Jade, gazing up at him and, I am not even kidding, batting her long eyelashes. little flirt-fest to myself, luckily, because on our way out of school at the end of the day, with my Eleanor Roosevelt quote card tucked into my pocket beside my cell phone, Roxie and I rounded the corner near the gym and practically smacked right into Tyler Moss, who was leaning with his hand on the brick wall, and between him and the wall was Jade, gazing up at him and, I am not even kidding, batting her long eyelashes.

”Get a room!” Roxie called to them as we strode out the door. If they had bothered to look away from each other, they would've seen us looking totally cool and self-possessed, I am sure, despite the fact that I was crumbling inside and carrying a plunger on the outside.

”He is such a s.l.u.t,” Roxie said, laughing. Then she ranted as we walked out to the bus about the Fascist and how now she had to come up with a J. K. Rowling costume for tomorrow. I just agreed. The Fascist had been telling Roxie for weeks she couldn't do Harry. I slipped into the window seat with Roxie beside me and ignored Jade, who looked especially pretty, all flushed, when she got on the bus after us.

Roxie asked loudly if I wanted to hang out at her pool again. I didn't think I could handle another afternoon of self-loathing in front of Tyler Moss, especially after watching him and Jade look so cozy, so I made up an excuse about helping Quinn with her science project to get out of going back there.

I had no idea I was sort of telling the truth.

When we got home, Gosia told us that we should stay upstairs because Mom and Dad were on their way home to have a meeting with somebody and they'd need privacy in the study. Quinn pulled me upstairs and whispered to me, in her room, ”You have to get this part down there.”

She thrust the baby's-room part of the baby monitor at me.

”Me?” I asked.

”You're sneakier than I am,” she explained.

I couldn't argue with that. I checked the batteries-dead. Quinn yanked open an a.s.sortment of flashlights and remotes around her mess of a room until she found functional batteries that fit the monitor and the receiver. We tested it twice.

”Go!” Quinn whispered urgently.

Her face was pale, with weird little blotches of red beside her nose and on her neck. So much for Miss Porcelain, So much for Miss Porcelain, I nastily thought on my way down the front staircase in my socks. I nastily thought on my way down the front staircase in my socks.

I was halfway through the silent living room when I heard a car pull up. I dashed toward the study and, sensing something nearby, straightened my back against the bookcases. Two seconds later, Gosia peeked in, plucked a microscopic piece of lint off the rug, and disappeared. My heart was thumping hard as I scouted around for a place to stash the monitor.

The desk was too obvious. The bookcase was probably too far to pick up anything.

A car door slammed. Then another.

My phone buzzed. Text from Jade: Hey. You don't still like Ty, do u? R U mad @ me?

I cursed under my breath.

No, I texted back quickly, and kept searching for a hiding spot. On the library ladder? No way, much too conspicuous. In the trash can? I stuck it in there. n.o.body would notice it. But would we hear anything? I yanked the trash can out so it sat just behind, but between, two of the chairs. I texted back quickly, and kept searching for a hiding spot. On the library ladder? No way, much too conspicuous. In the trash can? I stuck it in there. n.o.body would notice it. But would we hear anything? I yanked the trash can out so it sat just behind, but between, two of the chairs.

The door next to the kitchen opened. ”Right through here,” I heard Mom say.

I cursed again, and slapped my hand over my mouth. Then, realizing maybe Quinn would be listening, I said, whispering right into the baby monitor, ”I think I'm trapped. Maybe I should just hide behind the desk here.”

I heard something drop upstairs and then Quinn's voice yelling, ”Allison!”

I had to stop myself from laughing out loud. Way to play it cool, Quinn Way to play it cool, Quinn. I heard Mom offering a drink to somebody as her heels clicked across the kitchen. I had maybe three seconds.

As I dashed from the study, I realized I'd have to cross paths with Mom and whoever. I froze for half a second. Ack!

I turned and squeezed myself behind the column that held a sculpture the decorator had chosen of a hideous fat baby. The thing s.h.i.+mmied. If it crashed, Mom and whoever would obviously see me, cowering behind the column and among the broken pieces of overpriced clay. Please don't fall, Please don't fall, I prayed, despite my atheism. The image of the devil I had dreamed flashed in my mind, and I thought, I prayed, despite my atheism. The image of the devil I had dreamed flashed in my mind, and I thought, Trade you one person thinking I'm gorgeous if you keep me invisible this once. Trade you one person thinking I'm gorgeous if you keep me invisible this once.

The thing stopped wobbling. Probably just because it had found its equilibrium.

I'm not saying the devil interceded.

Though I did silently say a quick Thank you Thank you as my mother and a very tall man with a completely spherical belly preceding him walked right past me and the hideous fat baby without noticing either one of us, and turned to go into the study. as my mother and a very tall man with a completely spherical belly preceding him walked right past me and the hideous fat baby without noticing either one of us, and turned to go into the study.

I didn't budge until after Dad followed them in, with an uncharacteristically stressed expression on his face. He closed the door behind him, and only then did I sprint silently up the front steps, contemplating my until-then-undiscovered and only gift: I could be a totally great cat burglar!

”You want to give me a heart attack?” Quinn complained.

I kissed her cheek. She hates when I do that.

What we heard was mostly static. We tried my room, which was no better. Phoebe, who wasn't around because she had track after school, got slightly better reception in her room, but the upstairs den was even better, and, following the signal, we found that the best reception was actually in one of the guest rooms behind the back stairs. We crouched over the night table, trying to hear what they were saying.

After Fat Man said ”...legal ramifications...,” Quinn said, ”This is what I was afraid of.”

”What?”

”It's Mom's lawyer,” Quinn whispered. ”Those guys at work totally screwed her.”

I shook my head, unsure what Quinn was talking about, but not wanting her to know that.

Fat Man asked something about a paper trail, and Mom said she would get the doc.u.ments from her files. Quinn sank to the floor.

”I can't believe they screwed her like this,” I said, trying to sound like I knew what I was talking about.