Part 22 (2/2)

That was who you were. You were always a very kind, rea.s.suring, and positive person. I wish we'd had more time together. You were gone much of the time, and we lived in separate places for much of our lives spent sharing this Earth.

That lanky body and big toothy smile of yours. That's how I still see you, Carrie-beautiful.

And what I take with me is a feeling. A feeling of love and comfort-and grat.i.tude that you were my big sister.

Jody, Carrie, and Erin: three (grown-up) peas in a pod

In late 2002, Brian and I were in New York. Hollywood Arms was opening at the end of October, and we were deep in rehearsals. It felt good to be back working with Hal and our same cast. The show had been on hiatus since we closed in May in Chicago, and now here we were, about to be on Broadway. Again, I prayed that Carrie would be there with me.

One afternoon Brian and I took in a Broadway show and after the matinee was over we were out on the sidewalk hailing a cab, when a young man approached me.

”Excuse me, aren't you Carol Burnett?”

”Yes, I am.” I waited for him to say something about the television show, which is usually what happens when someone comes up to me like that. Not this time.

”I was in the cast of Rent with Carrie in Boston.”

”OmiG.o.d. How nice to meet you.”

”I just want to tell you that Carrie saved my life. I was heavy into drugs at the time and had been in lots of rehabs that didn't take. I don't know how I made the shows, but I was able to perform and not get fired, even though I was using most of the time. Your daughter would come into the dressing room early for every performance, and sit and talk with me, telling me all about what she had gone through, and how she got clean. She didn't preach. I'd had it up to here with people, including my folks, preaching to me. With Carrie, it was different.

”I looked forward to those conversations night after night. I found myself wanting to be like her. I wanted her energy, her laughter, and her love of life to be a part of me. I quit the show and went into yet another rehab, only this time it was because I wanted to-n.o.body was pus.h.i.+ng me. I've been clean for six years, and it was all because I wanted to be like Carrie. I just wanted to tell you that.”

Later that week I received a message that a well-known psychic wanted to get in touch with me. I didn't know him but I knew of him, because he was pretty famous. He left his number. I called him and he said he wanted to give me a private reading. He told me he had dreamed that he was supposed to call ”Carol,” and thinking this meant his a.s.sistant, whose name was Carol, he rang her up. That led nowhere, and the next night the dream returned, this time with my last name. He didn't act on it until the dream persisted over several nights. He finally figured he was supposed to get in touch with me, so he called. He also asked me (if I accepted his offer) not to tell anyone that he would be doing this session without charging me. Of course I was intrigued. We made a date.

He showed up at my hotel room at the appointed hour on October 17. We sat on the couch and he asked if he could hold a piece of my jewelry. I gave him my ring. He was quiet for a few moments and then some images began to come to him. He said that Carrie had orchestrated this meeting.

”Why?”

”Because she wants you to know she's here and she's fine.”

”How do I know she's here?” I had wanted to believe in Carrie's signs in the past, but I was more than a little skeptical of this. I wanted proof that only Carrie could provide.

He told me to take notes, which I did. Not all of the things he said rang a bell with me, but an astonis.h.i.+ng number were spot on.

1. She had a pet she loved with the initial ”P.” (Pee Wee, whose ashes are buried with hers in Colorado.)

2. Her illness wasn't diagnosed at first.

3. She had three services. (Los Angeles, Colorado, and Arkansas.)

4. At thirty-six or thirty-seven she took deep stock of herself, and declared that she was entering a second phase in her life. A new beginning.

A fragment of one of Carrie's e-mails popped into my mind:

<script>