Part 19 (1/2)

Aside from THAT, I will probably do another hootenanny the first week of November if I can work it out with the band. I can't wait to get back to singing and playing music. My breathing is so much better. Just the fact that I can open my mouth and make sounds come out is cause for celebration!

AND THAT is all the news that's fit to report. I can't thank you enough for your e-mails and prayers. I know that all of the good feelings out there have helped me to heal and begin being a ”survivor before the fact.” I will keep in touch as I can. These next two months may have me ”down” for a while, so please understand if you don't hear back from me right away.

Trust me on this: I'm gonna be up and at 'em by the beginning of next year. There's so much more to see and do.

Much love always.

XOXO, C

From: Mama

To: Carrie

Sent: Monday, Oct. 6, 2001

Hi Baby, thanks for calling. It was so good to hear your voice sounding so strong! How terrific that you're sleeping, taking walks, taking baths, and (omiG.o.d!) eating ELK!!! This is just what the doctor(s) ordered. Okay, maybe the elk thing hadn't occurred to them, but I'm sure they'd approve.

Brian and I try not to watch too much of the news. It's so oppressive. Almost a month has gone by since 9-11, and all we can do is pray that Bush gets that sonofab.i.t.c.h, bin Laden.

It makes me so happy to know that you're there in your mountains, healing. I, too, wish you had a longer time to spend there. The important thing is that while you're there, you live in the present moment and not dwell on the clock or the calendar. Know that you are a huge chunk of my heart, and that I believe with all my soul you will be writing and directing and hootenanny-ing long after this trial becomes a dim memory.

I love you,

Mama

To: Mama

From: Carrie

Sent: Oct. 9, 2001

Thanks for all your encouragement, Mama. As for 9-11, I'm so glad I do not have a TV. I cannot wrap my head around it. It's just too horrible. I pray for the souls lost on that day and for their devastated loved ones.

In mid-October, Carrie returned to L.A. for her tests, and the doctors said the tumor hadn't gotten any smaller, which sent us all into a downward spiral. We still hoped that they might be able to shrink it some more in preparation for surgery. Carrie was able to spend some days at her little rental, but there were also days when she had to be readmitted to the hospital because of seizures.

Carrie was in and out of the hospital several times before it became evident that she would have to spend more time there.

She was admitted for the last time in November 2001. I remember tiptoeing into her room. She was asleep, and I sat on her bed and took her hand. She stirred and opened her eyes. She smiled.

”Hi, Mama.”

”Hi, Baby.” Looking around the room, I feebly joked, ”So you couldn't wait to come back here again, huh?”