Part 12 (1/2)

Owned a pair o' skates onc't.--Traded Fer 'em,--stropped 'em on and waded Up and down the crick, a-waitin'

Tel she'd freeze up fit fer skatin'.

Mildest winter I remember-- More like Spring- than Winter-weather!-- Did n't _frost_ tel bout December- Git up airly ketch a' feather Of it, mayby, 'crost the winder-- Suns.h.i.+ne swinge it like a cinder!

Well--I _waited_--and _kep_' waitin'!

Couldn't see my money's w'oth in Them-air skates and was no skatin', Ner no hint o' ice ner nothin'!

So, one day--along in airly Spring--I swopped 'em off--and barely Closed the d.i.c.ker, 'fore the weather Natchurly jes slipped the ratchet, And crick--tail-race--all together, Froze so tight cat couldn't scratch it!

THE RIVALS; OR THE SHOWMAN'S RUSE

A TRAGI-COMEDY, IN ONE ACT.

PERSONS REPRESENTED.

BILLY MILLER ) The Rivals JOHNNY WILLIAMS )

TOMMY WELLS Conspirator

TIME--Noon: SCENE--Country Town--Rear-view of the Miller Mansion, showing Barn, with practical loft-window opening on alley-way, with colored-crayon poster beneath, announcing:--”BILLY MILLER'S Big Show and Monstur Circus and Equareum! A shour-bath fer Each and All fer 20 pins.

This Afternoon! Don't fer git the date!” Enter TOMMY WELLS and JOHNNY WILLIAMS, who gaze awhile at poster, TOMMY secretly smiling and winking at BILLY MILLER, concealed at loft-window above.

TOMMY (to JOHNNY).

Guess 'at Billy haint got back,-- Can't see nothin' through the crack--- Can't hear nothin' neither--No!

. . . Thinks he's got the dandy show, Don't he?

JOHNNY (scornfully)-- 'Course' but what _I_ care?-- He haint got no show in there!-- What's _he_ got in there but that Old hen, cooped up with a cat An' a turkle, an' that thing 'At he calls his ”circus-ring?”

”_What a circus-ring_!” I'd _quit_!

Bet mine's twic't as big as it!

TOMMY-- Yes, but _you_ got no machine Wat you bathe with, painted green, With a string to work it, guess!

JOHNNY (contemptuously)-- Folks don't _bathe_ in _circuses_!-- _Ladies_ comes to _mine_, you bet!

I' got seats where girls can set; An' a dressin'-room, an' all, Fixed up in my pony's stall-- Yes, an' I' got _carpet_, too, Fer the tumblers, and a blue Center-pole!

TOMMY-- Well, Billy, he's Got a tight-rope an' trapeze, An' a hoop 'at he jumps through Head-first!

JOHNNY-- Well, what's _that_ to do-- Lightin' on a pile o' hay?

Haint no _actin_' thataway!

TOMMY-- Don't care what you say, he draws Bigger crowds than you do, 'cause Sense he started up, I know All the fellers says his show Is the best-un!

JOHNNY-- Yes, an' he Better not tell things on me!

His old circus haint no good!-- 'Cause he's got the neighborhood Down on me he thinks 'at I'm Goin' to stand it all the time; Thinks ist 'cause my Pa don't 'low Me to fight, he's got me now.

An' can say I lie, an' call Me ist anything at all!

Billy Miller thinks I am 'Feared to say 'at he says ”dam”-- Yes, and worser ones! and I'm Goin' to tell his folks sometime!-- An' ef he don't shet his head I'll tell worse 'an _that_ he said When he fighted Willie King-- An' got licked like ever'thing!-- Billy Miller better s.h.i.+n Down his Daddy's lane agin, Like a cowardy-calf, an' climb In fer home another time!

Better--

[Here BILLY leaps down from the loft upon his unsuspecting victim; and two minutes, later, JOHNNY, with the half of a straw hat, a bleeding nose, and a straight rent across one trouser-knee, makes his inglorious--exit.]

WHAT CHRIS'MAS FETCHED THE WIGGINSES.

Wintertime, er Summertime, Of late years I notice I'm, Kindo'-like, more subjec' to What the _weather_ is. Now, you Folks 'at lives in town, I s'pose, Thinks its bully when it snows; But the chap 'at chops and hauls Yer wood fer ye, and then stalls, And snapps tuggs and swingletrees, And then has to walk er freeze, Haint so much ”stuck on” the snow As stuck _in_ it--Bless ye, no!-- When its packed, and sleighin's good, And _church_ in the neighborhood, Them 'at's _got_ their girls, I guess, Takes 'em, likely, more er less, Tell the plain facts o' the case, No men-folks about our place On'y me and Pap--and he 'Lows 'at young folks' company Allus made him sick! So I Jes don't want, and jes don't try!

c.h.i.n.kypin, the dad-burn town, 'S too fur off to loaf aroun'