99 Confirmation Bias (1/2)
”Then what is the point?” I asked, bewildered. The words he was saying weren't making much sense at that moment, and I had to ruminate over them for a long time before I could fully grasp them.
”He can't like you, right?” He stated. I scrunched my brow. It made sense.
”It's not logical for him to like me,” I stated in agreement. Dr. Knight stifled his smile and appeared serious. ”What? Impart your knowledge on me.”
”You're a very logical person, aren't you?”
”I would like to think so,” I hesitated to answer.
”But what if what you are calling logic is based on statements and 'facts' that can't be proven. Or worse, you are falling back on patterns and histories to draw conclusions.”
”But that is the basis of finding meaning in things,” I argued, lightly.
”Not when you are prejudiced. Do you know what that is called?”
”Confirmation bias,” I grumbled. ”What I have confirmation bias? What I am biased against?”
He looked at me incredulously. ”You're an exceptionally intelligent girl, do I need to tell you? Who do you hate most on the planet, Evie?” Well, that was an odd question. I had never 'hated' anyone. I strongly disliked them, I felt disgusted towards them, but I didn't hate anyone.
”I don't think I have ever hated anyone,” I murmured. He nodded.
”Let me change my question, then. Who do you like the least on this planet?” He asked.
”Well, logically, if I add up the competitors that pertain to the present conversation, I suppose it would be me.” I sighed. ”I get it. I am biased against me. But I wonder if someone as fucked up as me can afford to be in a relationship with someone.” I looked up at the ceiling.
”Why not?” he prompted.
”It won't work out. My habits, my personality... I am meant to live alone, I have come to accept that. It is difficult for people to accept what happened to me or how that changed me. People call me reckless or stupid for not fearing anything, but that is how I am. I enjoy the freedom of life, I wish to live to the fullest without any constraints and I am not scared of much because I have already been on the brink of death. The pain I felt can't be trumped.”
”But what if someone fully embraced your difficult personality. Would you give them a chance?” Now, that was a question worth thinking about. If it were someone else, they would have taken long to answer, but I knew what this meant.
”No,” I replied promptly.
”Why is that?” he pressed gently.
”A number of things,” I admitted. ”I don't want to be bogged down by a relationship and feel powerless,” I started slowly. ”I don't want to see someone suffer because of my personality.”
Dr. Knight scooted his revolving chair and placed himself beside me.
”Then what?” I asked.
”Evie, what happens when I touch you?” he asked. The words sounded wrong at first but I recovered and understood his meaning.
”I don't like people touching me,” I admitted. ”But it is not bad.” Lie.
”Why do you not like being touched?” He made no sign that he was going to reveal my lie.
”Everyone has their preferences. I just don't like contact,” I shrugged.
”So, if I touched you like this, you won't avoid me, right?” He placed another hand on my knee. I flinched but held ground. ”You've been honest with me so far, Evie. Don't start lying to me now,” he said firmly.
It was the first time I had heard him this serious.
”I trust you, therefore I will not pull away. But I am not particularly happy with this situation,” I grumbled.
Dr. Knight removed his hand and leaned back against the chair. ”There you go. That's all I needed to know.” He smiled in approval and encouragement. ”I saw you avoiding contact with every person in the waiting room. The space in the corridor was small, but you still managed to stick to the wall to avoid contact.”
”Nothing misses your eye, does it?” I chuckled.
”Then? Why do you dislike being touched? Explain your thought to me. Imagine, someone you don't know touching you. What thoughts pass your head?”