Part 17 (1/2)

1 OUNCE VODKA.

CRANBERRY JUICE TO FILL.

Fill a highball gla.s.s with ice. Pour in the vodka and fill with cranberry juice.

a.s.sHOLE BARTENDER SAYS: It's the perfect combination of alcohol and antioxidants (don't worry about what those are, just know that they're good for you).

THE 'HOLE TRUTH Don't go too far when adopting the Cape Cod att.i.tude. You're a pair of Nantucket red shorts and a madras belt away from becoming a douche bag.

COSMOPOLITAN.

1 OUNCE VODKA.

1/2 OUNCE TRIPLE SEC.

1/2 OUNCE CRANBERRY JUICE.

1/4 OUNCE LIME JUICE.

Pour ingredients into a shaker half filled with ice. Shake well. Strain into a martini gla.s.s.

a.s.sHOLE BARTENDER SAYS: Serve this drink to get laid.

Upgrade to premium vodka and cointreau instead of triple sec and it's a done deal.

GIBSON.

1 OUNCES DRY GIN.

1/2 OUNCE VERMOUTH.

3 PEARL ONIONS.

LEMON TWIST.

Shake gin and vermouth with ice in a shaker. Strain into a martini gla.s.s and garnish with onions and a lemon twist.

a.s.sHOLE BARTENDER SAYS: It's like a martini-except fewer douche bags order it. Subbing onions and a lemon twist for olives gives this drink a taste that's all its own.

THE QUOTABLE a.s.sHOLE.

”I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.” -W. C. Fields GIMLET.

2 OUNCES GIN.

3/4 OUNCE LIME JUICE.

LIME WEDGE.