Part 2 (1/2)

FOR A week I saw him at the Jackman, in the halls, in the asphalt yard, in the street out front, but he stayed away froed and sent back out into the wild a different wolf But on the afternoon of the fifth day, the sun high over the clustered houses of the South End, George Labelle walked into our house and the living room where I sat withas Sullivan but fat, as rabbed innings of aon to his fists as he started draggingsounds, his body so er than mine I had never spoken to hi to kill ot me onto Lian to water He let go of me and covered his head, and that's when I saw Suzanne and the broo at his skull ”Get out! Get the fuck out out!”

Labelle turned and she poked him in the face He blinked and jumped back ”shi+t! He paid me! Clay fuckin' He paid et out out!” Suzanne jabbed him in the ear, the neck, the back of his head Then he was fu across Li there on the sidewalk, his face a mixture of disappointment and amusement, his hitsister Suzanne

SOMETIMES I'D have trouble breathing I'd be standing in our s, invisible hand would squeeze e The room would start to tilt, and I'd sit on the floor awhile and stare straight ahead at the shi+fting wall I'd stare at any blemish on my skin I didn't have many, but whenever I did I was convinced I'd been bitten by so poisonous-a spider or small snake that had slithered up from the river and into our house I'd wake in thestairwell to the bathrooht; I'd stare at a sone to bed that it had moved farther up toward my shoulder where it would soon disappear into my chest and heart and kill me Sould break out on my forehead and the back of my neck My mouth would be as dry as when Whelan chasedelse to worry about, nor did I want her to see such fear and weakness in me, so I'd wake Suzanne in the tiny room she shared with Nicole My older sister would climb out of bed and turn on the overhead bulb She'd rub her eyes and squint down at the spot onzit zit Go to sleep” Go to sleep”

SUMMER CAME and nos were open and there was Larry's yelling, there was a wo back at hihter and coles of six or seven TVs, there was a bottle breaking, a drunk singing, aaway from the curb, there were the smells of hot asphalt, the dusty concrete of broken sidewalks, cat shi+t and dog shi+t and gasoline, there was the wood baking in the lue and motor oil and mud, and when the wind blew in from the east you could smell the ocean, dead seaweed and open seashell and wet sand, and it was a Saturday and Jeb and I were running from Clay and Labelle and two others I didn't even know; they'd co down theon our stoop doing nothing

”Get 'e down Lime and across Water Street We climbed a rusted chain-link fence and caround We ran past a forklift, its driver watching us under his cap, a cigarette between his lips, and my chest hurt and the air was too hot but we couldn't stop and we ran past stacks of naked two-by-fours and two-by-sixes and two-by-eights, and we clih weeds and chunks of broken cinderblock, and we kept running

We ended up under a pier on the river It was cool and shaded under there We crouched beneath heavy planks and cross timbers, their posts black with creosote, the lower ones near the water covered hite and green barnacles Half sunk in the lass and a couple of tires, and we could see beyond this to the sun glinting off the river It felt safe

Jeb, eleven and thin but taller than I was, started gathering up pieces of colored glass Even then he was s: little sculptures made from junk, pictures he dreatercolors, and he was always taking things apart-fan engines, radios, once the back of our TV just to see hoorked He needed to kno things worked worked

I was happy to stay down here forever Go steal some plywood and some nails and tools and build a floor and walls under the pier,to be hard to get back to the house without being seen We'd have to wait till dark

I heard the helicopter before I saw it, the thock-thock-thock thock-thock-thock of its massive blades, the way the water spread out s as it hovered over the e and white boat there too, the letters COAST GUARD painted on its boointo the Merrimack of its massive blades, the way the water spread out s as it hovered over the e and white boat there too, the letters COAST GUARD painted on its boointo the Merri for People drowned in that river It had one of the erous currents in the country, especially here, at its ht up the body It was bloated to three times a man's normal size, the round head matted with blond hair, the face a pale pumpkin, his mouth open, dark, and bottoet back holass and we both crawled fast out from under that pier and ran under the sun

THE HOUSE was alive us, we just did not do But some days, cooped up in that srab the broo the floorboards, the narroooden stairs and hallway We ht wash the backed-up dishes in the kitchen, find the o up to our rooms and make our beds, pick dirty clothes out of the corners, and stuff the for ent to the laundroo out to our tiny enclosed yard and sweep the concrete stoop In the corner of the fence was a rusty rake and I'd use it on our dirt yard I ht even lines parallel to the fence It was still a dirt yard, but standing on the concrete stoop after, looking down at it, our home seemed somehow more orderly, our lives within it more co, but she was able to drive hohts a month, she would load the four of us into it and take us on a Mystery Ride If we asked where ere going, she'd say, ”Who knows? It's a ers and s Kools in her rooame, but I think she secretly liked it ason our own seat, the s open, the radio playing rock and roll, the war in as we drove out of the South End and the abandoned buildings of don Soo fast and leave it all behind Or else Mo through groves of hardwood and pines where people with enough money lived in houses you could barely see from the road

Mom-only thirty-three years old, slender, and beautiful toaround-she nodded her head to the music and blew the s and tried to raise us all up out of the hole ere in Soon we'd be hungry and soer joint built off a fast two-lane in the pine trees The cheeseburgers were cheap and juicy, and they were served in red-and-white-checkered baskets heaped with curlicue fries We'd sit at a picnic table spotted with squirrel and pigeon shi+t, and we'd eat this hot and perfect food and wash it doith cold cokes

Afterward, if she had the money, we'd continue our Mystery and find ourselves at the drive-in, the sun setting over aup out of scrub and weeds Because of the van, she had to park in the far back and she'd pull it sideways so we could hook three or four speakers onto our open s, each of us with our own bench seat to stretch out on

Most of the movies were rated R and most were bad; I remember fast cars and naked breasts and pistol barrels flashi+ng in the sun Some disturbed ets another father to go shoot up a cohter, her dead body lying bloody in the snow There here a father hates hippies and gets another father to go shoot up a cohter, her dead body lying bloody in the snow There was Who Is Harry Kellers About Me?, Who Is Harry Kellers About Me?, Dustin Hoff a hit music co suicide in his private plane There was Woody Allen, who talked fast and said funny things about sex I was embarrassed to hear in the van with my mother But it was the Clint Eastesterns I really liked; he could shoot and kill and did it all night long to bad s to him and his family He didn't run from them He didn't hide He faced them, usually three or four at once, and in just a feords he told theunned the a hit music co suicide in his private plane There was Woody Allen, who talked fast and said funny things about sex I was embarrassed to hear in the van with my mother But it was the Clint Eastesterns I really liked; he could shoot and kill and did it all night long to bad s to him and his family He didn't run from them He didn't hide He faced them, usually three or four at once, and in just a feords he told theunned thes they were

One Friday when there was a warm, misty rain and we had to roll the van's s up, atched Billy Jack Billy Jack The lead actor wore a tight black T-shi+rt that showed off his chest and arht in Vietnam He's also a master in some for softly, his carved and handsome face shadowed beneath the brim of his black cowboy hat and its band of beads But then his wife, a kind and pretty blonde, opens a Freedom School for Native American children on the reservation and when she drives the kids into town for ice crea staked to the ground spread-eagled where she's raped and left to the ants and the sun and Billy Jack spends the rest of thedown theroundhouse kicks to the teroin, fast and lethal moves I'd never seen, these cruel, vicious men reduced to silent bloody heaps on the floor or in the dust The lead actor wore a tight black T-shi+rt that showed off his chest and arht in Vietnam He's also a master in some for softly, his carved and handsome face shadowed beneath the brim of his black cowboy hat and its band of beads But then his wife, a kind and pretty blonde, opens a Freedom School for Native American children on the reservation and when she drives the kids into town for ice crea staked to the ground spread-eagled where she's raped and left to the ants and the sun and Billy Jack spends the rest of thedown theroundhouse kicks to the teroin, fast and lethal moves I'd never seen, these cruel, vicious men reduced to silent bloody heaps on the floor or in the dust

That night I couldn't sleep;e Labelle and every kid who'd ever punched or kicked or pushedit to the drunk who'd pissed in our hallway; I sawit to the two or three boyfriends ofit to anyone, everyone

3

ONE SUNDAY AFTERNOON, Pop drove up to our house on Li dark hair and a thick mustache, and he was an inch or two shorter than eneration Greek studying for his PhD in literature, one of Pop's rooh I didn't know any of this at the time All I knew is he had muscles like Billy Jack, that later in the day I cut lass in the sand and Metrakos carried yback a hundred yards up the beach to the blanket where Pop had a cooler with ice and drinks I put ice on the cut, and Metrakos ran back to the water and dived in and swa for close to an hour

This beach was ten or twelve miles away on the New Hampshi+re coast Sometimes, if a Sunday was real hot and Pop couldn't afford a movie, he'd take us there He'd park his Lancer across froht sand to a wide-open place scattered with fa softly in front of us While ere pale and sunburned easily, he was tanned and had his shi+rt off right away, his chest and flat belly covered with dark, curly hair, his skin a deep red-brown He'd lay out a blanket for us, then roll out a reed mat for himself When I was older, I would learn this had always been his favorite season, that after arun, he came here every afternoon to read and doze and lie in the sun Most of the tih he rarely did when he ith us Maybe because there wasn't room in the car Maybe because he didn't want to mix his two lives, but I knew froirlfriends were young and rich-looking and beautiful, students he'd e

At the end of the day, the sun setting in the dunes behind us, Metrakos put on running shoes and ran the fifteen miles home He left thirty minutes before we did but was already four miles down the roadhim He wore a bandanna around his head and no shi+rt, his back glea with sweat As we passed, Pop honked the horn and we all waved at Theo and he smiled and waved back On both sides of us were salt reen under the last of the sun I sat back in my seat and wondered how anyone could run fifteen fifteen miles I also liked how kind Metrakos was, how respectful he was to everyone he talked to And smart, too Educated miles I also liked how kind Metrakos was, how respectful he was to everyone he talked to And smart, too Educated

OUR MOTHER had a new boyfriend now, Bruce M Her other boyfriends looked like convicts coht in the summer, and as soon as he pulled to our curb on Lime Street, we knew this one was different He didn't drive a beat-up van or a uar XJ6, a car I didn't even know existed, and when he stepped out of it,a sliood shoes, ironed pants, and a shi+rt and tie tie It was navy blue, and when he got close enough, we could see dozens of tiny peace signs sewn into it It was navy blue, and when he got close enough, we could see dozens of tiny peace signs sewn into it

Mom introduced us to him and he smiled down at each of us and reached out his hand He actually looked happy to s and as they crossed Liht, the four of us huddled at aand watched hihed easily at souar and cli on the curtain because the rod pulled from theja, sure they saw us spying

”I like that one,” Suzanne said

”I hope she marries marries him” him”

One of us said that I don't remember who, but it could have been ht and ave Moas in the car, and he drove us to Schwinn Bicycles up the river and bought each of us a brand-new bike I forget what the girls got, but Jeb picked out a yellow ten-speed and I chose a bright tangerine five-speed chopper with a banana seat and two-foot sissy bar in the back It looked just like the motorcycle Peter Fonda rode in Easy Rider Easy Rider It was the bike of outlaws It was the bike of outlaws

That afternoon we rode those bikes up and down the streets of the South End When the sun went down, Bruce wanted to take us all out to eat somewhere and before we left, Jeb and I went out back with our new rubber-coated chain locks and ran the theate, then dragged two cinderblocks over and wedged theainst it

At the restaurant, an air-conditioned one in Andover that had white linen table cloths and rolled napkins, Bruce said we could order whatever anted He and Mo at each other over the table We'd never gone out with any of her other boyfriends before Part ofat the table with Mom and us, it should be Pop, shouldn't it? But Bruce arm and easy to talk to and so or funny or intelligent, and he would say so, looking us directly in the eye

I looked away I looked down at my plate In our weekly dinners with Pop, he would talk with the four of us too, but he didn't look us in the eye very long Instead, there was the feeling he had a lot to do, that thisit was hard for hi else, too Many years later, when I was infor a feeeks with y, I'd watch her set a roht candles, and complain later that he never wanted to eat that ith her ”Why?” I asked