Part 13 (1/2)

No, it wasn't right. ”The boat's not full. There's room.” Her legs were rubber. Her body frozen. That tiny boat was small and the ocean so big and cold. She was wearing a wedding dress. She'd muss it up. Harriett's dress. Where was Harriett?

Astor brought his young wife over. ”I think we'd be safer on this s.h.i.+p than in those boats.”

”Orders,” the officer said, taking Madeleine's arm. He held his hand up, indicating Mr. Astor wasn't welcome. Lydia thought of the many times the word ”first” was used synonymously with t.i.tanic. That was probably a first too, someone indicating Mr. Astor wasn't allowed to do something.

He kissed his wife, told her he'd be along soon, and began helping other women.

”Let me help you, miss,” an officer said to Phoebe.

She was more adamant about not getting into the boat than Lydia. ”I have to wait for my daddy and Henry.” Her voice trembled, as many voices did in the extreme cold. ”And Grandmother.”

”They'll be along soon, I'm sure.” Caroline looked at Phoebe, wrapped in Molly's coat. ”You go on, Lydia.” She gestured down the deck. ”There's a boat with only a few people in it. We'll take that one.”

They said quick goodbyes. Lydia glanced at Madeleine, looking so brave, having to leave her husband, carrying his child.

John's hand dropped to his waist. His nod told her that his thoughts had turned to the life growing inside her. His life. Their life.

They both knew there was only one answer. Her lips trembled. Then he covered them with his own. Warmed them with all the warmth within him. They shared the long kiss before he moved away, and her arms were bereft of him.

Unfamiliar hands grasped her arms. ”I love you,” she said, feeling herself being forcefully moved away from him. ”You will come.”

”Yes. Please go.” She saw his face about to crumble. ”Now.”

”John,” she whispered, willing but unwilling to get into the boat. She held out her hand to him. He kissed his fingers and sent the kiss to her.

She kept telling herself this was temporary. Things weren't as dire as they seemed. They would be together again. Whether he got into a boat, or her boat returned after the drill.

After all, she'd heard many times, The s.h.i.+p is unsinkable.

24.

Not even G.o.d can sink this s.h.i.+p.”

”William.” Caroline's warm breath mingled with his and condensed in the cold air. She knew the t.i.tanic had been labeled unsinkable. But upon hearing her husband say that, at a time such as this, Caroline felt a chill colder than the frigid night. His words seemed as stiff and frozen as the chunks of ice that the s.h.i.+p had sc.r.a.ped off the iceberg, and which now lay on the listing deck.

She looked into his eyes, which held a vacant expression, bleak and drear. ”I'm only repeating what the s.h.i.+p's officer said.” His tone had become bland, calm as the gla.s.sy sea surrounding them. Her gaze followed his as it lifted to the starry sky, glittering with a magnificence with which the s.h.i.+p's chandeliers could not compete. William had said the opposite.

She'd never seen such a vacant expression on his face. Her movement to pull the fur closer around her shoulders as a protection from the icy air brought his gaze to her. His eyes widened. ”Caroline. The life vests.” Neither was wearing one.

His eyes searched for Bess and found her a few feet away talking to another maid. ”Bess.” He glared. ”Where are the life vests? I distinctly told you to get them.”

She stepped closer, dread on her face. ”I put them on the chair for you to take. I thought you just stepped out a moment with Mr. Dowd.” She began to cry and spoke with effort. ”I put mine on and waited for Mrs. Chadwick. I had the coats.”

”You should have made sure Caroline had what she needed. She is your responsibility.”

Bess was unfastening hers.

”No,” Caroline protested. ”Everyone is saying this is only a formality. I'll be fine.”

”Wait,” Molly said. ”There's a stewardess over there handing out vests.”

”I'll get them,” Bess scurried away. Within seconds, she reappeared.

While William strapped her into the vest, Caroline looked around, seeing men making sure that women and children had vests. William might have remembered such a thing, but he had been busy making sure he had important papers in his black bag. Caroline excused that by reminding herself this s.h.i.+p couldn't sink. It was only a drill.

But Caroline began to fear this was no drill. But some were saying they would fix the problem. The boats would return before breakfast. This was a precaution.

A precaution-for what?

The s.h.i.+p leaned. Caroline grasped William's arm. He clutched the railing. Some pa.s.sengers seemed unnaturally quiet, talking in whispers, while others conversed and even laughed in an eerie sort of way. Through it all, the band kept playing.

The Strauses remained in their deck chairs. Many efforts were made to persuade Mrs. Straus to get into a boat. She refused. ”I've been with my husband for forty-one years and I'm not leaving him now. Where he goes, I go.”

”You ladies may get in,” the officer said.

”I can't. Daddy hasn't come.” Then Phoebe jumped out of Molly's coat and ran, yelling, ”Daddy! Daddy!”

Her father rushed to them, carrying Henry. He set the boy down, then glanced around. ”Don't let him get away. He'd rather sleep.”

Hadn't they all? Caroline mused silently.

Phoebe rushed to her father. He held her closely for a long moment. He moved back and said, ”I have something for you.” He motioned to a stewardess, who handed him a blue teddy bear that he then gave to Phoebe. ”You hold onto that, now.”

She nodded and hugged it close.

S. J. knelt in front of Henry. He stared long into the small boy's big brown eyes. It seemed to take all his strength to do no more than hold him tightly, then kiss both cheeks and say he loved him.

He let him go and glanced around at the stewardess, who handed him a package wrapped in colorful paper. ”This is your birthday present. Tomorrow you may open it. Hold it tight.” His voice caught. ”I love you both with all my heart.”

”I love you, Daddy,” Phoebe said, and Henry repeated the words, looking confused. A short while ago these children had been the highlight of a wedding, happy and smiling, and now their father was leading them to a tiny lifeboat that would drop, with them aboard, into the sea.

”Ladies, you must get in with the children,” the officer said.

Caroline looked at Bess standing back, watching. ”Bess,” she called.

Bess came, tears in her eyes. ”Anything I can do for you?”

”Yes. Take off that cap.”

Bess looked bewildered. But she obeyed, whispering, ”Remember me.”

”Remember you, nothing. Now pull that coat close around you, take Henry's hand, and get into the boat.”

Too shocked not to obey, Bess went to the side of the boat and took Henry's hand, and the crew helped them in.