Part 33 (2/2)
I'm relieved. I don't want to meet new people. I am nervous and wound up enough as it is.
”Would you like some tea?” Yayeko asks, after she's taken off her shoes and put her bags away. She offers me a seat in the kitchen. I sit down. There are trees out the window. They're still mostly green.
”Yes,” I say. ”No, not really. Do you have coffee? No, that's not a good idea.” I stand up, walk around the kitchen. ”Maybe water?”
”Water then. Are you okay, Micah? I'm sorry. Of course you're not. Are you ready to tell me what's going on?”
”Yes. But it's hard, Yayeko. I don't know where to start and there are so many questions you'll ask. I think I should just show you.” I pull the test results out of my pocket, unfold it, and hand it to her.
”Your DNA test?”
I nod.
She opens it, pulls the report out, reads, flips pages.
”You see?” I say.
Yayeko looks at me. ”Your test was invalid. The blood you sent in wasn't human.”
”The blood I sent in? You were there when we all took the test. You sent our tests off. That was my blood. It says my blood is animal. That's what it proves.” I'm pacing.
”Invalid results are common. What are you trying to prove, Micah?”
”I'm a wolf.”
Yayeko doesn't say anything. She doesn't bow down before my scientific proof. This is not going as I planned.
”Not all the time,” I say. ”Obviously. When I get my period, I change into a wolf. Only I don't since I started taking the pill all the time, like you said to. But it's not really because of how bad my period is. It's to stop me changing. Whatever triggers the change-it has to do with hormones because birth control pills stop it.”
”You're taking hormones continuously and there's nothing wrong with your menstrual cycle?” Yayeko's voice gets louder. ”You're only seventeen!”
”I'm not-”
”You lied to me. I can't believe . . .” She pauses. She's not looking at me anymore.
”I didn't! There is something wrong with my periods! I turn into a wolf!” Now I'm shouting.
Yayeko puts her hand up. ”There's nothing wrong with being a girl, Micah.”
”What?” I'm spluttering. I sit down. ”Of course there isn't. I didn't say there was.”
”I remember when you pretended to be a boy, Micah.”
Yayeko keeps saying my name. She doesn't usually.
”Micah, I know things have been hard for you, but you don't have to take it out on your own body. You have to stop suppressing the girl parts of yourself. Is that why you keep your hair so short, Micah? Why you never wear skirts or dresses? Why you don't have any girlfriends?”
”No!” I scream. Yayeko moves back in her chair. ”Sorry,” I say quickly. ”My hair's short because it's easier-I'm not trying to be a boy. I'm a wolf.”
”And what's more masculine than a wolf?”
I groan. She's never going to believe me. ”I don't know. Lots of things! Half of all wolves are female!”
”Micah,” she says, ”you're not a wolf. Rejecting your own body isn't the answer.”
”I'm not!” I jump up, knocking my chair over. It clatters loud on the tiled floor. Yayeko winces. ”Sorry,” I say, righting the chair. ”I'm not rejecting my body or being a girl or anything like that. I'm trying to tell you the truth.”
As soon as I say it I know I shouldn't have. Yayeko looks at me with such sadness I know there's no hope for me here. I'm a liar, even when I tell the truth.
”Micah, taking a pill every day is not going to turn you into a boy. It's not going to make you into someone you're not. You're seventeen years old. Who knows what all those hormones are doing to you? Elevating your risk of stroke, of some cancers. When I talked to your mother I thought you had a problem with your body, but now you're telling me this is in your mind . . .”
My mind? She's saying that I'm crazy.
”It's not good for you, Micah. It's not helping. You're overwrought,” she says softly, like she's soothing a small child.
I'm calm.
”I think maybe you should lie down.”
I nod, realizing how hopeless this is. The cotton curtains at the window move slightly in the breeze. Light floods in, golden fall light. The plates and gla.s.ses drying by the sink glisten. It's a beautiful, sunny, normal kitchen. My life doesn't seem real in this kitchen. It makes me feel as if I'm lying.
”I'm a wolf,” I say again. I can't help myself. I've finally told the truth and gotten . . . this.
”I'm a scientist, Micah.”
”I can prove it. Send my blood to another lab-”
”You believe you're a werewolf.” Yayeko's voice is flat. She thinks she understands why my parents threw me out. I have to convince her otherwise.
”I am a wolf, Yayeko. Go ask my parents to let you into my bedroom. There's a cage. A big metal cage with a cloth over it so it looks like a desk. It's the biggest thing in my room.”
”A cage? Micah, what are you talking about?”
I don't even try. Mom and Dad would never let her in, never show her.
”Is this because Zach was killed by dogs?” Yayeko asks.
”No!”
”Do you think you did it? This is guilt about your boyfriend's death, isn't it?”
”He wasn't my boyfriend,” I say automatically. ”I didn't kill him. This is not about Zach. This is about who I am. What I am. I know it sounds . . . I know how it sounds. That's why I've never told anyone. But I can prove it to you.”
Yayeko looks at me. I think she's scared, but not because I'm a wolf.
HISTORY OF ME.
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