Part 25 (1/2)

”You came to my birthday party last year,” Sarah says.

”Not like this. Not the three of us alone,” he says, taking a deep breath. ”Are we going to do it again? 'Cause I liked it.”

Sarah flushes. I laugh.

”I want to,” I say. A s.h.i.+ver of warmth covers my whole body.

”Sarah?” Tayshawn says.

She nods.

We don't move. We've all said yes, but no one's ready to be first.

I stand up, spring up, really. I nod toward the bedroom. ”I'm game if you two are.”

Then we're on her king-sized bed, teddy and giraffe pushed aside.

It's more awkward and ashamed than it was before. I'm certain this is the last time it will happen, but I don't care, I'm getting what I want. Some of the fire and need that has built up so large in me drains away.

I can face the white boy. Stronger and better now. I can go upstate to the Greats, find out what to do, and then do it.

Sarah and Tayshawn give that to me. It would be greedy to want more.

LIE NUMBER SIX.

That didn't happen.

I mean, yes, I went to Sarah's home and, yes, her apartment is crazy big. Yes, she has a whole room for her clothes. But nothing happened. We studied. We talked about Zach. Cried. Studied some more.

The room was full of everything we didn't do.

We didn't kiss. We didn't touch.

I wanted us to. I think Sarah and Tayshawn, I think they wanted it, too. The air between us burned. I'm not lying about that. We were all in heat.

But Sarah and Tayshawn . . .

I don't know how they did it. Somehow they managed to turn it off. They made it not happen.

No kisses, no touching, no skin. No nothing.

The air did not ignite.

Except here, in my dreams.

BEFORE.

Besides the last time I saw him, up in the cypress tree, there was one other time I thought of telling Zach about the wolf inside me.

We spent so much time together. Sure, we ran way more than we ever talked, but when we did talk the lies bent my words out of shape, created a wall between us.

I wanted to tell him the truth: I am a wolf.

Zach would have believed me. He knew how fast I run, how strong. He'd seen the residues of the wolf in the human. ”What are you?” he'd asked me more than once.

I thought of showing him. Though I never figured out how. Not without scaring him or killing him. I hated the idea of him watching me change.

If Zach had lived, I would have told him.

Eventually.

Zach was good at keeping secrets.

I'd like to be able to tell Tayshawn and Sarah, but there's no way. First, I don't know how they feel about me. Second, however they feel, I don't think we're going to be friends for long. Third, if I tell them the truth and they believe me they will think I killed Zach. Our friends.h.i.+p will be over.

I am afraid of losing them.

The first time I started to tell Zach, we were making out in Tompkins Square Park. I had to be home but we were elongating the good-bye, wrapped around each other on a park bench as far from the dog run as I could get. Sometimes dogs go crazy if I get too near.

Making out in Tompkins Square was stupid of us. It's way too close to home and there's not exactly much cover. But it was after dark and we couldn't keep our hands off each other.

Zach's hands were on my waist under my s.h.i.+rt, his fingers on my bare skin. Mine held his face. We were kissing deep and long, heating up. I felt a stirring inside me. Like, but not like, when I change.

”Zach,” I said, pulling away. ”I have to-”

”Go,” he finished for me. ”I know, I know. Just a little bit longer . . .”

”No, not that. I have to tell you something.”

”Now?” he asked, kissing me again, pulling me onto his lap.

”Yes, now,” I said. He ran his fingers lightly along my flank. I felt it down deep inside me, where the wolf lives. ”Oh,” I said.

”Mmmm,” he murmured, kissing the side of my neck. Warmth spread from flank to neck. My lips buzzed, my toes.

”I'm . . . ,” I started, determined to tell him. ”I am . . .” I paused, thinking how to phrase it, trying not to be distracted by how warm and good and buzzing I felt. Should I say, I am a wolf? Or I am a werewolf? Which would sound less crazy? What should I say next to prove I wasn't nuts?

”Micah?” said a voice that sounded just like my mother's. ”Is that you?”

I twisted on Zach's lap. Mom and Dad. Right there in Tompkins Square Park.

”What the h.e.l.l?” my father said.

Zach and me, we jumped up, but we were tangled, his chin hit my cheekbone, my elbow got him in the chest. I fell. He fell. We stumbled up and away from each other. He looked down. I looked at my parents standing there, glowering.

”I don't know who you are, young man,” my father said, ”but you need to leave.”

”It's a public park,” I said, not sure why I was fighting them. I was busted.

”Go,” my mother said to Zach.