Part 39 (1/2)
When Rasmus died, the future Malene dreaded seemed to close in. She stopped speaking about her arthritis. Instead she carries on endlessly, like she did at IKEA, about how wonderful Rasmus was, contrasting his superhuman qualities with her own shortcomings. It was her behavior that drove him away. She follows this up with more attacks on Anne-Lise how she ruined their life together and then drove Rasmus to an early death. It was possible, after all, she argues, that Anne-Lise poured oil on the steps and even gave Rasmus a shove.
Okay, its not likely but its possible.
Late one night, Iben had slipped and mentioned to Malene that she thought she had heard a womans voice in the stairway just before Rasmus fell. Malene returned to this so often and with such fervor that Iben regretted ever having breathed a word about it. After a couple of weeks, these stories were becoming just the tiniest bit irritating.
Crossing the floor, Iben feels that shes putting on quite a good show, even managing to chat about this and that.
But Malene notices at once that something is up. Her eyes widen. Iben, whats the matter?
Oh, nothing.
Iben knows that Malene wont believe her and twists one corner of her mouth in a small grimace that only Malene will notice, to let her know that she doesnt want to talk about it right now. Iben has every intention of telling Malene what happened last night, but now something is holding her back, though she cant think what.
Camilla doesnt say anything, and Anne-Lise is keeping to herself in the library.
Has Anne-Lise been out of the library?
Malene looks at her. Why do you ask?
No special reason.
Iben sits down and tries to hide her relief no need to get up again until lunchtime. She bends down to take off her right shoe. The laces are already very loose, but it still hurts when she eases the shoe off over the top of her foot. She suppresses the sound she wants to make so that it comes out as a very faint gasp.
Is this really what it can be like for Malene, day after day?
She can hear from the tapping rhythm that Malene is writing and then correcting the same word several times. One more mistake. Malene hits the keyboard. It slides sideways and her fingers. .h.i.t the corner of the large flat surface of the mouse. It must have hurt, because she pulls her hand away at once and rubs it with her other hand. Iben and Malene exchange a smile.
Next to Iben is a stack of doc.u.mentation on the Turks killing of 300,000 Pontian Greeks between 1914 and 1922. Although Turkeys extermination of roughly 1.5 million Armenians has eclipsed the ma.s.s murder of the Greeks, the issue of Genocide News on Turkey will be the perfect place to bring attention to the atrocity. Among other eyewitness accounts, Iben will include a description of how Turkish soldiers drove Greek families, women, children, and old people away from the coast and into the desert. Once their victims were isolated, the militia left and took all the food and water with them.
Iben sits in silence, staring at the desk. She should keep working, but shes having trouble concentrating on the material. She can barely respond when someone talks to her. Instead she reads random back issues of Genocide News. A large greasy stain across the top of a front page catches her eye. The headline says The Psychology of Evil II. Its her own article: in a war situation, men and women who kill at a sufficiently great distance from the victims are, to the best of his personal knowledge, not traumatized later in life. The closer the soldier gets to the victim, the harder it is to kill.
She thinks of how distant she is to Anne-Lise. If Anne-Lise were to have an accident serious enough to disable or even kill her, Ibens head would tell her it was a tragedy but her heart would secretly be glad to be rid of her. These new thoughts make Iben interpret her writing differently.
The conclusion must be that simple acts, which in themselves appear to cause only limited damage, can lead to psychological changes that in turn make possible even greater and more destructive acts.
Having read Anne-Lises journal entries, Iben sees how the following pa.s.sage also seems to apply: We tend to exaggerate the similarities of those who belong to our group, just as we exaggerate the h.o.m.ogeneity in other groups and the differences among them.
By now the nausea from this morning has returned. She stares at the broken spring that dangles from her desk lamp, its sharp little tip, and the reflections of the overhead light on the broken metal.
Her thoughts must have been drifting for quite a while when she hears Malene and Camilla chatting about Malenes swimming sessions.
Of course it isnt just about keeping your body fit. It does something for your mind and your mood as well.
Iben reads on: Cognitive dissonance makes us like those whom we have helped and dislike those we have hurt.
She hears Malenes voice again: If you dont stay in good shape by doing something active, like you do with your choir, its easy to end up just like her in there. Malene nods her head in the direction of the library.
Iben needs to be alone. Just for a few minutes. She quickly bends down to put her shoe back on. Despite her painful foot and upset stomach, she walks toward the restroom. She keeps her face turned away to hide her expression.
It feels good to hear the small click of the lock. She settles down on the lid, in the tall, narrow stall with its melon yellow walls and odor of toilet cleaner. She lifts her sore foot and puts her hand gently but firmly around the taut skin of her swollen ankle.
The last words of her article are still with her: The more appallingly brutal the acts a perpetrator commits, the more strongly he comes to believe that they are only right and proper.
She asks herself if that is what theyve done to Anne-Lise. Is what she says in her diary true?
The throbbing pain has spread. It lurks behind Ibens eyes, in the back of her neck, in the roof of her mouth, in her arms. It melds with images and words of so many genocides that she has pondered over. She cant help returning to the one question that researchers inevitably ask themselves: If I had been born in Germany before the Second World War, would I have supported the Holocaust? Then she remembers Anne-Lise, who might well find her out if she doesnt get back to work soon.
She finds Anne-Lise at Malenes desk, apparently angry about something. Over the last few weeks, ever since Rasmus died, they have all been kind to Malene Anne-Lise too. Now that seems to have changed.
Anne-Lise is speaking too fast, and her voice has a metallic ring to it. You were talking about me a moment ago. I heard you say that unless people pull themselves together, theyll end up like me. She sounds as if shes about to have a breakdown. Running after two small children keeps you fit. Camilla, you know that, dont you?
Malene is quite calm. Anne-Lise, I didnt say that about you.
I heard you. You said or youll end up like her in there. And you meant me.
Anne-Lise, you misheard me. I never said that.
Looking at Anne-Lise, Iben is about to chime in, Malene never said that. Im positive she didnt. But the words wont come. Malene, who is so used to Iben backing her up, gives her friend a bemused look: Whats wrong?
Theres a short pause. Iben stays silent.
Malene starts her usual little act that never fails to drive Anne-Lise crazy. If you are hearing people talking about you, then maybe you should see your doctor.
As expected, Camilla joins in. A doctor might help you, Anne-Lise. Well, anyway, its always worth a try.
Malene looks at Iben. Iben feels more and more sick.
Anne-Lise is shouting now. But you said it! You said it!
Anne-Lise, hearing voices is a serious matter. You must look after yourself.
Im not hearing voices! You said that!
Whats your doctor like? Youll need a good one.
I know there are a lot of helpful sites on the Internet.
Camilla stares at Iben.
Anne-Lise looks withdrawn. Maybe this is what it takes to make her crawl back into the library and hide.
Malene still wont let go. We havent even mentioned you in here today. Have we, Iben?
Iben cant speak.