Part 89 (1/2)

”I haven't gotten to my point yet. This is terribly delicate, uncle Denys. I don't want you to take this wrong. And it's so hard to discuss with Giraud-but . . . Giraud's so hardheaded practical, and he's been such an influence-on me; on Reseune- What do you think he'd feel-about having a replicate done-like me?”

Denys sat still, a long, long moment. ”I think he'd be amazed,” Denys said. ”He'd also point out that he's not doc.u.mented to the extent you are.”

”It's possible it'll work. It's even probable. All I'd need is the ordinary House stuff. d.a.m.n, this is so awkward! I don't know how to approach asking him. I don't know how he feels about dying. He's-never brought it up with me. I gather he doesn't want me to know. But I know a lot more about psychogenesis than you knew when you started; I know a lot I haven't written up-I know it from the inside, I know what matters and what doesn't and where you came close to a real bad mistake. And I really think I could run it with Giraud. If he'd let me.”

”Dear, when one's dead, there's not a precious lot one can do to stop you from any d.a.m.n thing, now, is there?”

”It matters what you want. And what Giraud wants, I mean, his opinion is the most important, because that has to do with his psychsets, and whether his successor would be comfortable with what he is. That's critical. And there's who would be the surrogates. You're not young yourself, to take on another kid. I thought about Yanni, Yanni's got the ability, and the toughness. Maybe Gustav Morley. But you'd be best, because you know things no one else can can remember about your upbringing, and you can be objective, at least you could with me. But you weren't related to me. That's a difference to think about. That could be a lot of stress, and I'm not sure you want to cope with that now, with Giraud.” remember about your upbringing, and you can be objective, at least you could with me. But you weren't related to me. That's a difference to think about. That could be a lot of stress, and I'm not sure you want to cope with that now, with Giraud.”

Denys had laid the fork down altogether. ”I'd have to think about that.”

”At least talk to him. Please make him understand-I don't don't want to fight with him. I need him, I'll need him in things I can't foresee yet. That's why I want to do this. Tell him-tell him I love him and I know why he's doing these things to stop me, but tell him I know something too and he should let me alone and let me operate. Tell him-tell him I understand all his lessons. I've learned from him well enough to protect myself. -And tell him if he wants to know what it's like to want to fight with him. I need him, I'll need him in things I can't foresee yet. That's why I want to do this. Tell him-tell him I love him and I know why he's doing these things to stop me, but tell him I know something too and he should let me alone and let me operate. Tell him-tell him I understand all his lessons. I've learned from him well enough to protect myself. -And tell him if he wants to know what it's like to be be a successor-I can tell him.” a successor-I can tell him.”

”I'd find that a point of curiosity too,” Denys said after a moment, ”what degree of integration there is. Is Is there ident.i.ty?” there ident.i.ty?”

Gentle smile. ”Profiles? Say they're real close. What it feels like, uncle Denys, what it feels like-is, you think,-I'd never do that. But eventually you would. You almost remember- But eventually you would. You almost remember-remember things. Because they're part of the whole chain of events that lead to the point you go on from. Because you things. Because they're part of the whole chain of events that lead to the point you go on from. Because you are are a continuance, and what your predecessor did was important and the people she knew are still there, the enemies and the friends are still there for reasons of what she was and what she did-more, you a continuance, and what your predecessor did was important and the people she knew are still there, the enemies and the friends are still there for reasons of what she was and what she did-more, you understand understand what she felt about things and how it all fitted, from the gut, in your glands, in your bloodstream, and, oh, it makes more and more sense. You see yourself on an Archive tape and you feel this incredible-ident.i.ty-with that person. You see a little slump; you straighten your own shoulders- what she felt about things and how it all fitted, from the gut, in your glands, in your bloodstream, and, oh, it makes more and more sense. You see yourself on an Archive tape and you feel this incredible-ident.i.ty-with that person. You see a little slump; you straighten your own shoulders-Stand straight, Ari, don't slouch. You see a little upset-you feel personally threatened. You see anger. Your pulse picks up a bit. I You see a little upset-you feel personally threatened. You see anger. Your pulse picks up a bit. I will will write a paper someday, when the subject's much more commonplace. But I don't think it's a thing I want to have in the write a paper someday, when the subject's much more commonplace. But I don't think it's a thing I want to have in the Bureau Reports Bureau Reports right now. I think it's one of those processes Reseune can b.a.s.t.a.r.dize for the other agencies that want to do it with easy types. But they'll always send the Specials to us, because they're going to be the real problem cases: Alphas always are. Even CITs. And that means more and more of the best talent-begins at Reseune.” right now. I think it's one of those processes Reseune can b.a.s.t.a.r.dize for the other agencies that want to do it with easy types. But they'll always send the Specials to us, because they're going to be the real problem cases: Alphas always are. Even CITs. And that means more and more of the best talent-begins at Reseune.”

Denys gazed at her a long time without speaking. ”I am am very much the woman you knew,” she said. ”Never mind the kid's face. Or the fact my voice hasn't settled yet. There is a kind of fusion. Only I'm already working on Ari's final notes, not her starting hypotheses. Psychogenesis is a given with me. I'll do much more, much more than she did. Isn't that what you wanted?” very much the woman you knew,” she said. ”Never mind the kid's face. Or the fact my voice hasn't settled yet. There is a kind of fusion. Only I'm already working on Ari's final notes, not her starting hypotheses. Psychogenesis is a given with me. I'll do much more, much more than she did. Isn't that what you wanted?”

”Much-more than we expected.”

She laughed. ”Which way do I take that?”

”That we're very proud of you. I-personally-am very proud of you.”

”I'm glad. I'm very glad. I'm very grateful to you, uncle Denys. And to Giraud. I always will be. You see: Ari was such a cold b.a.s.t.a.r.d. She learned to be, for very good reasons. But that part didn't have to be exact. I can love my uncles, and I can still be a cold b.a.s.t.a.r.d when I have to be, just because I'm very self-protective-because no matter what the advantages I've had, I'm a target and I know it. I won't be threatened. I'll be there first. That's the way I am. I want you to know that.”

”You're very impressive, young sera.”

”Thank you. So are my uncles. And you're both dears and I love you. I want you to think about what I want to do-about Giraud; and talk to Giraud, and tell me how he feels about it.”

Denys cleared his throat. ”I don't think-I don't think he'll turn you down.”

Is there ident.i.ty?

She knew d.a.m.n well that Denys was asking for himself.

What's it like?

Will-I-remember? That was the really eetee one, which a sane man knew better than to wonder. So she flirted it right past him now; and made him sweat. That was the really eetee one, which a sane man knew better than to wonder. So she flirted it right past him now; and made him sweat.

”I'll tell you where an interesting study might be, uncle Denys. Getting me and Giraud together someday and letting us compare notes. I I have the illusion of memory. I wonder if he will.” have the illusion of memory. I wonder if he will.”

Denys had not taken a bite in a half a minute. He sat there a helpless lump.

Shame on you, she thought to herself. she thought to herself. That's awful, Ari. That's awful, Ari.

But something in her was quite, quite satisfied.

What in h.e.l.l's the matter with me?

I'm madder than h.e.l.l, that's what. Mad that I'm young, mad that I'm dependent, mad that I'm trapped here and Denys is being Denys, and mad that Giraud's timing is so d.a.m.n lousy, leaving me no way to get that seat. Dammit, I'm not ready for him to die!

Denys' fork rattled, another bite. He was visibly upset.

How can I enjoy doing that? My G.o.d. He's an old man. What's gotten into me?

Her own appet.i.te curdled. She poked at the salad, extracting a bit of tomato.

She thought about it that night, listlessly dividing attention between a light sandwich Florian had made her, the evening news, and doing a routine entry on the keyboard-which she preferred to the Scriber when she was listening to something: the fingers were output-only, and what they were out-putting was in a mental buffer somewhere. Pause. Tick-tick-tick. Pause. While the visual memory played out lunch and uncle Denys and the logical function worked on the politics of it. Is Is there ident.i.ty? -An eetee kind of question in the first place, never mind that she had eetee feelings about it-she knew how to explain them, in perfectly solid and respectable terms: she was used to deep-study, she could lower her threshold further by wanting to than most people could on E-dose kat, the tapes involved a person identical to her in the identical environment, and the wonder would be if the constant interplay of tape-flash and day-to-day experience of the same halls, the same people, the same situations-did not muddle together in a flux-habituated brain. there ident.i.ty? -An eetee kind of question in the first place, never mind that she had eetee feelings about it-she knew how to explain them, in perfectly solid and respectable terms: she was used to deep-study, she could lower her threshold further by wanting to than most people could on E-dose kat, the tapes involved a person identical to her in the identical environment, and the wonder would be if the constant interplay of tape-flash and day-to-day experience of the same halls, the same people, the same situations-did not muddle together in a flux-habituated brain.

Denys understood that, surely, on the logical level.

People surely understood that. surely understood that.

d.a.m.n, she she was not dealing well with that aspect of it. She dealt with ma.s.sive movements in the populace. Microfocus failed her. was not dealing well with that aspect of it. She dealt with ma.s.sive movements in the populace. Microfocus failed her.

The average, harried, too-busy-for-deepthink Novgorod worker.

Listen and learn, Ari, sweet: ordinary people will teach you the truest, the most sane things in the world. Thank G.o.d for them.

And beware anyone who can turn them all in one direction. That one is not ordinary.

People were aware . . . of Reseune's power, of the power her predecessor had wielded.

IN PRINCIPIO was a phenomenon, Ariane Emory's basic theories and methodologies and the early character of Reseune, set almost within the most educated laymen's grasp, so that there was, in the public mind, at least the glimmering of what no demagogue could have made clear before that book aroused such strange, such universal interest in the popular market. was a phenomenon, Ariane Emory's basic theories and methodologies and the early character of Reseune, set almost within the most educated laymen's grasp, so that there was, in the public mind, at least the glimmering of what no demagogue could have made clear before that book aroused such strange, such universal interest in the popular market.

It had sp.a.w.ned eetee-fringe thinkers of its own, a whole new and troublesome breed who took Emory for their bible and practiced experimental so-called Integrations on each other, in the idea it would expand their consciousness, whatever that was. There were already three cases down in the Wards, Novgorod CITs who had all drug-tripped their way to out-there on ma.s.sive overdoses, run profound interventions on each other and now outraged staid old Gustav Morley by critiquing his methodology. A handful of admirers had outraged Reseune Security, too, by trying to leave the lounge down at the RESEUNEAIR terminal and hike up toward the House, proclaiming that they had come to see Ariane Emory-with the result that Reseune was urgently considering building a new terminal for commercial flights, far far down from the old one where, in the old days, Family and ordinary through travelers using RESEUNEAIR had once mingled with casual indifference. A handful of would-be disciples had turned up over in Moreyville looking for a boat, until wary locals, thank G.o.d, had figured out what they were up to and called the police. down from the old one where, in the old days, Family and ordinary through travelers using RESEUNEAIR had once mingled with casual indifference. A handful of would-be disciples had turned up over in Moreyville looking for a boat, until wary locals, thank G.o.d, had figured out what they were up to and called the police.

My G.o.d, what do I do if I meet meet one of these lunatics? What are they after? one of these lunatics? What are they after?

It's a phase. A fad. It'll go. If it weren't this they'd be getting eetee transmissions on their home vids.

Why didn't didn't we see this? we see this?

But of course we saw it. Justin saw it. There's always the fringe. Always the cheap answer, the secret Way-to whatever. Novgorod's in chaos, Paxers threatening people, wages aren't rising to meet spot shortages- Danger signs. People yearning after answers. Seeking shortcuts.

Seeking them in the work of a murdered Special- In the person of her replicate, as the Nyes fade, as the unstable period after that a.s.sa.s.sination births more instabilities, elections upon elections, bombings, shortages, and the Child-the Child verges on womanhood and competency in her own right, announcing herself with the recovery of Ari senior's legendary lost notes- d.a.m.n well what I expected Science to understand- But Novgorod's understanding it at a completely different level . . .

The children of azi's children-the const.i.tuency of Reseune: Ari's own creation, no theory in a Sociology computer. It's there. It's ready.

And Giraud, d.a.m.n him, can't hold on to that seat long enough for me.

”Vid off,” she said, and leaned back and shut her eyes, feeling that general p.r.i.c.klishness that meant her cycle was right on schedule.

Tomorrow I should work in, stay away from people.

I hurt Denys today. I Had him, I didn't need to take that twist. Why in h.e.l.l did I do that?