Part 57 (2/2)

”I'm fine,” she said. ”I just wish Florian and Catlin would get back.

”Do you want to call them home?”

Right at the end of one of their Exercises. It was very serious to them. So was she, but it was like taking something away from them. ”No,” she said. ”They really like the overnights. Not-like, because they come back all sc.r.a.ped up; but, because they come back all sc.r.a.ped up; but, like, like, you know-they enjoy telling me about it. I don't need them that bad.” you know-they enjoy telling me about it. I don't need them that bad.”

”I'm proud of you,” uncle Denys said. ”A good Super has to think that way.”

She felt a little better then. And went to do her homework ahead, because she could, and she had rather do it and have something to fill her time and have it over with when Florian and Catlin got home.

Except she had a message from the computer when she went in her room.

”Ari,” the Minder said. ”Check Base One.”

”Go ahead,” she said, and looked at the screen.

Ari, this is Ari senior.

s.e.x is part of life, sweet. Not the most important part, but this is your coming-of-age lecture. I don't know how old you are, remember, so I have to keep it simple. Library says you've checked out Human s.e.xuality. Human s.e.xuality. Have you had it? Have you had it?

”Yes. Yesterday.”

Good. You're 10 years old. This program is triggered by your medical records.

You're about to start your monthly cycles, sweet. Welcome to a d.a.m.n unfunny fact of life. Housekeeping has been notified. You're going to have the appropriate stuff in your cabinet. h.e.l.l of a thing to get caught without. You've also had a shot that means you'll reject any pregnancy. So you don't have to worry about that, at least. . . because without that, your body's perfectly capable of it now.

I'm going to leave the what-to and what-with to the tape program, sweet. I figure you know. Probably it's given you some ideas. I know. I had it too. They're not bad ideas. I want you to listen to what I'm going to say next with everything you've got, like it was tape. This is private, it's about s.e.x, and it's one of the most important things I'll ever have to tell you. Are you alone?

”Yes.”

All right.

The ideas you have, sweet, are perfectly natural. Is your pulse a little elevated?

”Yes.”

You feel a little flushed?

”Yes.”

That's because you're thinking about s.e.x. If I asked you to do complicated math you'd probably make a mistake right now. That's the important lesson, sweet. Biology interferes with logic. There's two ways to deal with it-do it and get it out of your head, because that feeling explodes like a soap bubble once you've done s.e.x-or if it's somebody you really like, or somebody you don't like, who upsets you and makes you feel very, very strong reactions, you'd better think a whole lot about doing it, because that kind explodes all right, but it keeps coming back and bothering you. When you get into bed with somebody, you're not going to be thinking with your brain, sweet, you'll be thinking with the part of you that doesn't have anything but feeling, and that's d.a.m.ned dangerous.

When adults meet, sweet, and start getting to know each other, this is one of the main things that's different than kids. Kids are quite logical in some ways adults aren't. That's why they seem to see character so clearly. But when adults deal with each other, this feeling feeling you've begun to get, gets right in the middle of their judgment. you've begun to get, gets right in the middle of their judgment.

Now there are some people who just let it take over. And the thing about this feeling is feeling is that it's playing totally off the emotional level, out of memories, out of what we're set up to believe is handsome or s.e.xy, a whole lot of things that haven't got a d.a.m.n thing to do with truth. that it's playing totally off the emotional level, out of memories, out of what we're set up to believe is handsome or s.e.xy, a whole lot of things that haven't got a d.a.m.n thing to do with truth.

There are some people who learn early that they're very good-looking and that they can make anybody have this feeling about them-and they use it to get what they want. This doesn't mean they have any feeling inside at all. That's one reason to watch out who you go to bed with and who you let affect you that way.

There are other times when you get that feeling feeling about somebody who doesn't have it for you, and that's one of the hardest things in the world to deal with. But you have to stop it then and let your brain take over, because you don't get everything you want in this world, and it's not fair to the other person at all. If you think about it you'll know how they'd feel, first if they didn't care for you as a friend and then if they did, and you kept insisting on having your way. about somebody who doesn't have it for you, and that's one of the hardest things in the world to deal with. But you have to stop it then and let your brain take over, because you don't get everything you want in this world, and it's not fair to the other person at all. If you think about it you'll know how they'd feel, first if they didn't care for you as a friend and then if they did, and you kept insisting on having your way.

You can see how messy that gets.

Sometimes it happens the other way around. And if you don't see it happening or if you're too soft-hearted to say no, you can hurt somebody worse than if you say: I'm sorry, this won't work, I'm sorry, this won't work, right off. right off.

Sometimes it works right on both sides, and watch out then too, sweet, because s.e.x isn't the only thing in life, and if you let it be, that's all you'll ever have.

I'll tell you what the most important thing is, in case you haven't figured it out: It's being able to do what makes you the happiest the longest, and I don't mean s.e.x and I don't mean chocolates, sweet, I mean being able. able. Able means just exactly having the time, the money, the ability, and a thing to do that makes your life worth living long enough to get it done. Able means just exactly having the time, the money, the ability, and a thing to do that makes your life worth living long enough to get it done.

You aren't going to have a clear sight of that thing thing until you've had a look at the world as it is, and had a chance to figure out what the world could be if you worked at it. until you've had a look at the world as it is, and had a chance to figure out what the world could be if you worked at it.

So when you get that feeling, feeling, you think real clearly whether you can afford to give in to it and whether you're you think real clearly whether you can afford to give in to it and whether you're able able to handle it without getting your whole life slanted in some direction that isn't smart. The time to give in to that to handle it without getting your whole life slanted in some direction that isn't smart. The time to give in to that feeling feeling is when you can is when you can afford afford to, just the same as you don't spend money you haven't got, promise things you don't have time to do, or get involved in projects you can't finish. If it's a minor thing and n.o.body can get hurt, fine, do it. If it's got complications, to, just the same as you don't spend money you haven't got, promise things you don't have time to do, or get involved in projects you can't finish. If it's a minor thing and n.o.body can get hurt, fine, do it. If it's got complications, don't don't do it until you know d.a.m.n well you can handle it, and know how far the complications can possibly extend. At 10, you can't see everything. I was there. Believe me, I know. I got involved with somebody once, and I really liked him; unfortunately, he wasn't as smart as I am, and he wanted to tell me what to do and how to run my life, because he sensed I really was hooked on him, and he really liked ordering people around. So do I, of course. So when I got that figured out, which took longer than usual, because neurons work logic problems a h.e.l.l of a lot faster than glands-I'm being facetious-anyway, I told him off, I reversed what was going on, and he hated it like h.e.l.l. Hated me after that, too. So not only did the do it until you know d.a.m.n well you can handle it, and know how far the complications can possibly extend. At 10, you can't see everything. I was there. Believe me, I know. I got involved with somebody once, and I really liked him; unfortunately, he wasn't as smart as I am, and he wanted to tell me what to do and how to run my life, because he sensed I really was hooked on him, and he really liked ordering people around. So do I, of course. So when I got that figured out, which took longer than usual, because neurons work logic problems a h.e.l.l of a lot faster than glands-I'm being facetious-anyway, I told him off, I reversed what was going on, and he hated it like h.e.l.l. Hated me after that, too. So not only did the feeling feeling go away, I lost a friend who would have stayed a friend if I hadn't lei him do a power-move on me. I'm telling you about it now because you can learn about fire two ways: put your hand in it and understand it with the neurons below your neck or listen to me tell you about it and understand it with the ones up in your head. Your brain is the operations center that has to keep your hand out of the fire in the first place, so if you can believe me, and use the sense you were born with, you can save yourself all the pain and embarra.s.sment of a real lesson. go away, I lost a friend who would have stayed a friend if I hadn't lei him do a power-move on me. I'm telling you about it now because you can learn about fire two ways: put your hand in it and understand it with the neurons below your neck or listen to me tell you about it and understand it with the ones up in your head. Your brain is the operations center that has to keep your hand out of the fire in the first place, so if you can believe me, and use the sense you were born with, you can save yourself all the pain and embarra.s.sment of a real lesson.

Brains and s.e.x fight each other to control your life, and thank G.o.d brains get a head start before s.e.x comes along. s.e.x is when you're the most vulnerable you'll ever be. Brains is when you're least. Brains have to win out, that's all, so they can make a safe time for s.e.x to happen. Remember that.

Now, don't mistake: it's not bad to be vulnerable sometimes, but it's stupid to walk around that way: there are too many people just waiting for that chance. It's stupid to miss s.e.x altogether for fear someone will take advantage of you-use the brain, sweet, and find somebody and some place and some time safe. Brains are nature's way of making sure you live long enough to sp.a.w.n-if you were a frog. But you're better than a frog. So plan to live longer.

And for G.o.d's sake, don't ever use s.e.x to get your own way where brains won't work. That's the dumbest thing in the world to do, because then you're operating without brains at all, aren't you? That's as plain as I can make it.

I want you to come back to this more than once, till you've understood what I'm saying.

If I could have learned this one thing early enough, I'd have been happier.

Good luck, Ari. I hope to h.e.l.l you learn this part.

She thought about that a long time into the night, into a very lonely night, because Nelly was gone and Florian and Catlin were away; and she felt awful the next morning.

Then she found out why she felt awful and why her gut hurt, and mostly she just wanted to kill something. But she found the stuff in the bathroom, all right, read the instructions and got it all figured out: Dr. Wojkowski had given her a booklet with the package, which was very plain and echoed a lot of things the tape had said.

It was more biology than she wanted in one week, dammit. And she was embarra.s.sed and mad when the Minder said uncle Denys was waiting breakfast.

”I'll get there when I can,” she yelled at it.

And took her pill and got herself in order and went out to breakfast.

”Are you all right?” Denys asked.

She glared at him, figuring he d.a.m.n well knew, everybody else did. ”I'm just fine,” she said, and ate without another word while he read his morning reports.

Florian and Catlin came home late, sore and tired and with bandages on Catlin's hand; and full of stories, what the Exercise had been, how Catlin had gotten her hand cut getting a piece of metal fixed for a trap, but it had worked, and they had survived all the way through the course. Which youngers didn't do.

She wished she had something better than losing Nelly to tell them. And she wasn't about to tell them why she was sulking in her bedroom and feeling rotten.

Certainly not Florian, anyhow. But she got Catlin apart from Florian and told Catlin what the trouble was. Catlin listened and made a face and said well, it happened: if you were on an Operation you could take stuff so it came early or later.

Never take azi-pills, maman had said, but it sure sounded attractive.

It was worth asking Dr. Wojkowski about. d.a.m.ned if she was going to ask Dr. Ivanov.

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