Part 20 (2/2)
”No one does.” The depression settled back over the room. He did not know what was going to happen to them, that was what. Reseune was changing, full of strange faces, a.s.signment s.h.i.+fts, the azi were-unsettled by the rejuv order. Elated by that, elated by the fact that they must have pleased someone, and distressed at the rea.s.signments and the transfers and the arrival of strangers. Not harmfully distressed, just-having more change fall on them than they had ever had to cope with: Supervisors' interview schedules were overcrowded and Supervisors themselves were asking for relief that did not exist.
While over in Wing One residency there was an apartment shut up like a mausoleum. Not dusted, not touched, not opened.
Waiting.
”I don't think they'll have any better luck than they did with Bok,” Justin said finally. ”I really don't. Jane Stra.s.sen, Jane Stra.s.sen, for G.o.d's sake. The endo-” Endocrinology was not a thing one could say after a bottle and a half of wine. ”d.a.m.n chemistry. Works fine on the machines. Just nature's way of getting at the thresholds. Nice theory. But they'll end up driving her crazier than Bok. They'd have better luck if they outright ran deep-tape on her. The creativity factor's a piece of garbage. Bring her up to for G.o.d's sake. The endo-” Endocrinology was not a thing one could say after a bottle and a half of wine. ”d.a.m.n chemistry. Works fine on the machines. Just nature's way of getting at the thresholds. Nice theory. But they'll end up driving her crazier than Bok. They'd have better luck if they outright ran deep-tape on her. The creativity factor's a piece of garbage. Bring her up to like like Ari's work, deep-tape a little Ari's work, deep-tape a little empathy, empathy, for G.o.d's sake, and turn her loose. The whole project's a d.a.m.n lunatic obsession. It's not Ari's talent they want, not a nice bright kid, it's Ari! It's the for G.o.d's sake, and turn her loose. The whole project's a d.a.m.n lunatic obsession. It's not Ari's talent they want, not a nice bright kid, it's Ari! It's the power power they want back, it's personality! It's a clutch of rejuved relics staring at the great The End and having Reseune's budget to squander. That's what's going on. It's a d.a.m.n disaster. It's too many people's lives and too d.a.m.n little caring upstairs, that's what they're doing. I feel sorry for the kid. I really feel sorry for her.” they want back, it's personality! It's a clutch of rejuved relics staring at the great The End and having Reseune's budget to squander. That's what's going on. It's a d.a.m.n disaster. It's too many people's lives and too d.a.m.n little caring upstairs, that's what they're doing. I feel sorry for the kid. I really feel sorry for her.”
Grant only stared at him a long while. Then: ”I think there is something about creativity and tape-that we don't don't have it to the same degree-” have it to the same degree-”
”Oh, h.e.l.l.” Sometimes he trod on Grant without knowing he had done it. Sometimes he opened his mouth and forgot with Grant the sensitivity he made his living using with azi down in the Town. And hated himself. ”That's a lot of garbage. I d.a.m.n sure don't believe it when you fix a design a dozen senior designers have been sweating on for a month.”
”I'm not talking about that. I am azi. am azi. Sometimes I can see a problem from a vantage they don't have. Frank is azi too, but he's not what I am. I can get a little arrogant. I'm ent.i.tled. But every time I have to argue with Yanni I feel it right in the gut.” Sometimes I can see a problem from a vantage they don't have. Frank is azi too, but he's not what I am. I can get a little arrogant. I'm ent.i.tled. But every time I have to argue with Yanni I feel it right in the gut.”
”Everybody feels it in the gut. Yanni's a-” feels it in the gut. Yanni's a-”
”Listen to me. I don't think you feel this. I can do it. But I know every bit of what makes me tighten up fits right in that book in the bedroom, and what makes you do it wouldn't fit in this apartment. Look at what they're doing with Ari. They had to build a d.a.m.n tunnel in the mountain to hold what she was.”
”So what's it mean that at lunch the day the war started she had fish and she was two days into her cycle? That's c.r.a.p, Grant, that's plain c.r.a.p, and that's the kind of thing they built that tunnel to hold.” Along with those d.a.m.n tapes, that's there. Till the sun freezes over. That's what people will remember I was. Along with those d.a.m.n tapes, that's there. Till the sun freezes over. That's what people will remember I was. ”You choke up with Yanni because he's got a three-second fuse, that's all. It's his sweet nature, and losing the Fargone post didn't improve it.” ”You choke up with Yanni because he's got a three-second fuse, that's all. It's his sweet nature, and losing the Fargone post didn't improve it.”
”No. You're not listening to me. There is a difference. The world is too complicated for me, Justin. That's the only way I can explain it. I can see the microstructures much better than you. My concentration is all on the fine things. But there's something about azi psychsets-that can't cope with random macrostructures. That whole tunnel, Justin. Just to hold her psychset.”
”Psychset, h.e.l.l, it's full of what she did, did, and who she hurt, and she was a hundred twenty years old! You want to go to Novgorod and buy councillors, you'd fill that tunnel up too, d.a.m.n fast.” and who she hurt, and she was a hundred twenty years old! You want to go to Novgorod and buy councillors, you'd fill that tunnel up too, d.a.m.n fast.”
”I couldn't. I couldn't see behind me. That's what it feels like.”
”You've lived in these walls all your life. You could learn.”
”No. Not the same things. That's what I'm saying. I could learn everything Ari knew. And I'd still focus too tight.”
”You don't either! Who Who saw the conflict in the 78s? saw the conflict in the 78s? I I didn't!” didn't!”
Grant shrugged. ”That's because born-men make most of their mistakes by rationalizing a contradiction. I don't make that leap without noticing it.”
”You read me me with no trouble at all.” with no trouble at all.”
”Not always. I don't know what Ari did to you. I know what what happened. I know I wouldn't have been affected the same way.” They could talk about that now. But rarely did. ”She could have re-structured me. She was very good. But she couldn't do that to you.” happened. I know I wouldn't have been affected the same way.” They could talk about that now. But rarely did. ”She could have re-structured me. She was very good. But she couldn't do that to you.”
”She did a d.a.m.n lot.” It hurt. Especially tonight. He wanted off the topic.
”She couldn't. Because you don't have a psychset that only fills one book.
You're too complicated. You can change. And I have to be very careful careful of change. I can see the inside of my mind. It's very simple. It has rooms. Yours is Klein bottles.” of change. I can see the inside of my mind. It's very simple. It has rooms. Yours is Klein bottles.”
”G.o.d,” Justin snorted.
”I'm drunk.”
”We're drunk.” He leaned forward and put his hand on Grant's shoulder. ”And we're both Klein-s.p.a.ced. Which is why we're back where we started and I'm willing to bet my psychset is no more complicated than yours. You want to work it out?”
”I-” Grant blinked. ”You want an example? My heart just skipped. That embarra.s.ses h.e.l.l out of me. It's that Supervisor trigger. I don't want to do that because I don't think it's smart to mess with your mind; and I jump inside like it was an order.”
”h.e.l.l, I hate it when you go self-a.n.a.lytical. You don't want to do it because you don't know when Security is listening; and it's personal and you've got manners. All your deep-sets just describe the same thing I feel. Which is why I stay out of your head.”
”No.” Grant held up a finger. Earnest. A near hiccup. ”The profound reason why we're different. Endo-endo-h.e.l.l! hormones work-in learning- Blood chemistry reacts-to the environment. A given stimulus-sometimes adrenaline is up-sometimes down-sometimes some other thing-shades of gray. Variability-in a random environment. You remember some things right, some wrong, some light, some heavy. We-” Another near hiccup. ”-start out from the cradle-with cataphorics. Knock the d.a.m.n thresholds flatter than anything in nature. That means-no shades in our original logic set-up. Things are totally true. We can trust what we get. You You take your psychset in through your senses. Through natural cataphorics. You get your take your psychset in through your senses. Through natural cataphorics. You get your informational informational learning through tape and your psychset through senses. Chancy as h.e.l.l what you get out of anything you see or hear. You learn to average through the flux because you know there'll be variances. But learning through tape and your psychset through senses. Chancy as h.e.l.l what you get out of anything you see or hear. You learn to average through the flux because you know there'll be variances. But we've we've had experts eliminate all logical incon-inconsistencies. We had experts eliminate all logical incon-inconsistencies. We can can take in every detail; we have to, that's the way we process-right. That's why we're d.a.m.n good at seeing specific detail. That's why we process faster on some problems you can't hold in your head. We go learning-state without kat and our early memories didn't come from endocrine-learning; we have no shades of truth. You're averaging and working with a memory that has a thousand shades of value and you're better at averaging shades than you are at remembering what really happened, that's how you can process things that come at you fast and from all sides. And that's what we're worst at. You can come up with two contradicting thoughts and believe both of them because there's flux in your perceptions. I can't.” take in every detail; we have to, that's the way we process-right. That's why we're d.a.m.n good at seeing specific detail. That's why we process faster on some problems you can't hold in your head. We go learning-state without kat and our early memories didn't come from endocrine-learning; we have no shades of truth. You're averaging and working with a memory that has a thousand shades of value and you're better at averaging shades than you are at remembering what really happened, that's how you can process things that come at you fast and from all sides. And that's what we're worst at. You can come up with two contradicting thoughts and believe both of them because there's flux in your perceptions. I can't.”
”Oh, we're back to that again! h.e.l.l, you work the same as I do. And And you forget your keycard you forget your keycard more more than I do.” than I do.”
”Because I'm processing something else.”
”So do I. Perfectly normal.”
”Because I have a dump-reflex just like you: I can go through ac-actions that are purely body-habit. But I'm socialized, I rarely take tape, and I've got two processing systems. The top level I've learned in the real world; endocrine system learning. The bottom, where my reactions are, is simple, d.a.m.n simple, and merci-mercilessly logical. An azi isn't a human lacking lacking a function. He's got the logical function underneath and the random function on top. And you're backwards. You get the random stuff first.” a function. He's got the logical function underneath and the random function on top. And you're backwards. You get the random stuff first.”
”I'm backwards.” backwards.”
”Whatever.”
”G.o.d. An Emoryite. You test test that way because the cataphorics engrave the pathways they establish so d.a.m.n deep they're the course of least resistance and they're so d.a.m.n structured they that way because the cataphorics engrave the pathways they establish so d.a.m.n deep they're the course of least resistance and they're so d.a.m.n structured they trigger trigger the endo-en-do-crine system in Pavlovian patterns that experience alone wouldn't. For every test that supports Emory there's another one that supports Hauptmann-Poley.” the endo-en-do-crine system in Pavlovian patterns that experience alone wouldn't. For every test that supports Emory there's another one that supports Hauptmann-Poley.”
”Hauptmann was a social theorist who wanted his results to support his politics.”
”Well, what in h.e.l.l was Emory?”
Grant blinked and took a breath. ”Emory asked us. us. Hauptmann socialized his subjects till they'd figured out what he wanted them to say. And how he wanted them to test. And an azi Hauptmann socialized his subjects till they'd figured out what he wanted them to say. And how he wanted them to test. And an azi always always wants to please his Supervisor.” wants to please his Supervisor.”
”Oh, s.h.i.+t, s.h.i.+t, Grant. So would Emory's.” Grant. So would Emory's.”
”But Emory was right. right. Hauptmann was wrong. Hauptmann was wrong. That's That's the difference.” the difference.”
”Tape affects how your endo-crine system responds. Period. You give me enough tape and I'll jump every time you tell me to. And my pulse will do exactly what yours does.”
”I'm one h.e.l.l of a tape designer. When I'm old as Stra.s.sen I'll be d.a.m.n good. I'll have all this endocrine learning. That's why some old azi get more like born-men. And some of us get to be real eetees. That's why old azi have more problems. Wing Two's going to be d.a.m.n-d.a.m.n busy with a yardful of armies on rejuv.”
Justin was shocked. They were words staff meticulously avoided using. Born-men. Annies. The Yard. It was always CITs; azi; the Town. Grant was p.r.o.nouncedly drunk.
”We'll see whether it makes any difference,” Justin said, ”whether Ari Emory had whitefish or ham for breakfast on her twelfth birthday.”
”I didn't say I thought the Project would work. I say I think Emory's right about what azi are. They didn't start out to invent us. They just needed people. Fast. So start with tape in the cradle. Perfectly benign accident. Now we're eco-economic.”
Back in the pre-Union days.
”h.e.l.l.”
”I didn't say I minded, ser. We already outnumber you. Soon we'll establish farms where people can grow up like weeds and commune with their glands. There's bound to be a use for them.”
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