Part 39 (1/2)

-I'll be your patient log-man...

-Admired Miranda! Indeed the top of admiration!

I stood up, and began to walk back.

-The rarer action is in virtue, than in vengeance...

That was so, so true. I'd felt vengeful towards Alexander; I'd wanted to punish him-but he'd clearly been in pain, all the time. And it had been easy to forgive him-so easy-when I'd thought it would be impossibly hard.

As you from crimes would pardoned be,

Let your indulgence set me free!

When I got back to the house, I saw the answerphone flas.h.i.+ng and realized I still hadn't listened to my messages. I'd been so knocked out by Alexander's visit that I'd forgotten to play them. The first message was from him, tentatively asking me to return his call. The second was from Daisy. She sounded upset. I phoned her straight back but her mobile was switched off. Maybe she was out with Nigel, or at one of her parties. I was longing to tell her about Alexander, and I wanted to know what was happening with her. What was it she'd said yesterday? She'd mentioned something that I'd said, when we were sitting in her garden a few weeks ago-but I couldn't for the life of me think what.

At ten I left another message for her, telling her to call me any time-day or night. But she didn't. And I didn't hear from her all the next day-or the next. She wasn't at work, and the woman on reception said they weren't sure when she was coming in-no one seemed to know where she was. I was worried by now, and was about to call Nigel or her mother when, at last, on Friday, I heard. The phone went at seven a.m. It was her.

'Miranda.' Her voice was cracking. 'It's me. I've been awake all night. Can I come over for breakfast?'

'Of course. I'll go and get some chocolate croissants.'

She arrived an hour later, looking pale and strained.

'I just wanted to see you. The last three days have been h.e.l.l.'

I glanced at her left hand, and she saw me looking. 'I've given it back.'

'What?'

'I'm not marrying him, Miranda. I decided on Tuesday.'

'Christ,' I said quietly. 'Why? Because of the way he proposed?'

'Yes,' she sighed 'in part. It was just so awful. I felt...humiliated. He couldn't have made it less romantic if he'd tried. But also because I discovered that what Mary said was true. I pressed him about it on Monday night and, under duress, he virtually admitted it. But the main reason I'm not marrying Nigel is because it's just plain...wrong-and I've known that for a very long time.'

'Then why on earth...?'

She threw up her hands. 'Because I've been such a wimp! Clinging to Nigel because I thought he was my best bet-and because I was afraid of starting again with someone else. I'd just got in the habit of being with him, that's all-and he seemed so suitable and safe. But what have Nige and I got in common, Miranda? Zero!' she went on before I could answer. 'Less than zero actually, and you see, the point is...' Her voice trailed away. 'The point is...' There were tears in her eyes now, and her chin trembled with distress. And, as I reached for the box of tissues, I suddenly remembered what it was I'd said to her a few weeks earlier, as we'd sat in her garden. If it doesn't work out with Nigel, maybe it's because it's actually your destiny to meet someone else.

'The point is...' she tried again, then sank onto a chair. 'That I've...'

'Met someone else... You have, haven't you? This is what this is really about.' She nodded, then her head collapsed onto her chest. 'Oh Daisy.'

'I thought you might have guessed before,' she wept. 'It's been pretty b.l.o.o.d.y obvious-but you've been so wrapped up in yourself.'

'I know I have,' I said as I handed her a tissue. 'I'm sorry. I've been so distracted by my own problems. But do you think it might...work out...with this guy?'

'No! No-it won't work out,' she wailed.

'Why not?'

'Because he's with someone-but that's not the point. The point is that I've only known him just over a month, but in that time I've had ten times more fun with him than I've had in nearly six years with Nigel. And that made me finally face up to the fact that it would be wrong to marry Nige. Until that happened to me, I'd been happy to go along with the illusion that Nige was okay. That he'd ”do” for me-but he won't; because he took too long to make a commitment, and then did it for the wrong reasons-and that's just not good enough, Miranda-I want more!'

'It's the guy you go microlighting with, isn't it?'

She swallowed her tears. 'Yes, it is. I did think you might have twigged before.'

'Not really, because you've been doing these things for years, Daisy, with all sorts of people, so I didn't attach any extra significance to him-especially as you'd just got engaged. But can't you tell him how you feel?'

'No!' she wept. 'It's too embarra.s.sing. He's with someone. I've told you.'

'For how long?'

'About three months. But he's totally besotted with her-that's clear. But just the simple fact of meeting someone I've had such a strong feeling about, made me realize that I simply couldn't marry Nigel.' She wiped her eyes. 'I've returned the wedding dress, by the way. They gave me back my money-minus ten per cent for the inconvenience.'

'That was decent of them.'

'I know. They obviously felt sorry for me. But that's why I haven't been at work. I've had things like that to do-collecting the ring, and returning it to Nigel. Taking back the dress. Seeing a few people... Plus I had to get my stuff from Nigel's house-and that's another thing-there was so little of mine there.'

'I know. I'd always noticed that.'

'Do you know what there was? My nightdress, my wash-bag, my tennis kit, and a few recipe books. After five and a half years, that's all. He didn't really want to share his life with me-until he thought it would be useful to do so. But he must have known how I felt.'

'I'm sure he did. But you never pushed him into making a commitment to you.'

'I know I didn't-and what a fool! I let him get away with murder! But I was too...' she sighed, '...too scared to have it out, in case it ended. But meeting this other guy made me feel brave. So, no. I'm not going to settle for Nigel. And as for children-that can wait. I'm only thirty-three-there's still time. All I do know is I'm not going to marry someone who hasn't made me feel that I'm...' she paused, '...essential to his happiness. That he'd really miss me if I wasn't there-and I don't actually think Nigel would-or at least not for long. But this other guy... Oh, I've had such fun with him, Miranda. We've got so much in common-and he's so full of life.'

I suddenly noticed the short white hairs on her jumper again. And now, I realized with a jolt that they were Twiglet's. How could I have been so blind? 'It's Marcus,' I said quietly.

She rolled her eyes. 'Well done, Sherlock.'

'I'm sorry, but I didn't...think. I've been in a sort of tunnel lately-and to be fair, Daisy, you didn't say.'

'That's because I felt such an idiot. There I was, having hankered after Nigel for so long, and I finally get engaged to him-and what happens? I instantly get a ma.s.sive crush on someone else-someone who isn't even free! I know we're best friends, Miranda, but I couldn't bring myself to tell you what was going on because I felt such a fool! And I was in a real quandary, because I did feel, for a while, that Marcus liked me-when I was doing the self-defence cla.s.ses.'

'So that's why you sounded so enthusiastic about them.'

'Well, yes, it was such a lot of fun. And because you never came, I had to work with him, as all the others were in pairs. And I did feel then, that he...liked me. But then, to my amazement-Nigel proposed. He proposed-just when I didn't actually want him to. It was all such a mess. But now, well, it doesn't matter. But, if you ever see Marcus again, you won't say a thing, will you?' She put her head in her hands. 'It makes me feel utterly...absurd.'

'No. Of course I won't. But what has he said about his girlfriend?'