Part 68 (1/2)
”I wish to change places with Octavian,” I finally said
He roared with laughter ”And wear his sun hats and chest flannels? The summer sun is too hot for him, and the winter chill too cruel, so he has to protect hiht”
”And is such a man suited to rule the whole world? A little man who cannot face the sun or wind?” And wore built-up sandals, I reines hi! Yet if you allow hi out in the dark And you'll awake to find yourself uprooted, toppled, while he flourishes” I paused Antony was listening attentively ”Pull him out while you still can For it is certain that heany sense to him? I had to continue ”The world is already under the sway of Rome Make the transition easy Form a partnershi+p with me as your wife I can administer the east, while you shepherd the west Alexandria is ideally situated to rule the entire Mediterranean And we have the resources, as you saw today”
”So that hat that little shoas all about?” he said ”I kneas not just sightseeing” His voice had an ugly edge to it ”I could al--as I wished ”No--that isn't true!” I said ”I adypt and wanted to show you er But I did not plan ould happen once you were here”
”You luredhts and other tricks You made a fool of me, and you loved it,” he snapped ”It made you feel powerful You would probably have responded exactly the same if it had been Octavian instead of me You just like to ensnare men--and you don't care how you do it”
How dare he imply that I would take just anybody? Octavian!
”At Tarsus, you said it wasn't the dinner on the shi+p; it went a long way back,” I countered
”Yes, because you always made it your business to”Then the desire arose from within yourself When I was in Rome, I was entirely Caesar's, and when you first came to Alexandria, I was only fourteen andelse I was not on the lookout for men”
”Maybe you can't help it, but that's the effect you have!”
Now I understood He was jealous and wanted reassurance How fragile men were! Only Caesar had been exempt from this weakness
I reached out to touch his face, but he swattedon the couch
”Now you try to enticemy word I have sworn an oath to uphold the Triuood as his word”
”No, I have offered you ypt--all its riches are mine, every palm tree and ripple in the Nile What you saw today is the last unplundered treasure of the east I offer it to you--so that has never been offered to anyone else in history Many generals have come and tried to take it I offer it to you, free Instead you insult ypt--all its riches are mine, every palm tree and ripple in the Nile What you saw today is the last unplundered treasure of the east I offer it to you--so that has never been offered to anyone else in history Many generals have come and tried to take it I offer it to you, free Instead you insult me and cry, 4 40 Octavian! O the Triu--if I ever did did make such an offer to Octavian, he wouldn't be such a fool as to turn his back on it Your precious Triumvirate wouldn't last an eyeblink with him in the balance” I paused to catch my breath ”So you make such an offer to Octavian, he wouldn't be such a fool as to turn his back on it Your precious Triumvirate wouldn't last an eyeblink with him in the balance” I paused to catchhere, but for turning away fro away from this offer”
He seized on the word fool fool ”So I'h to steer clear of this trap you've set, this trap that betrays every sense of honor No, I won't be your partner; no, I won't go back on my word”
At that moment I debated with myself, because I still withheld one vital piece of information from him: the fact that I no for a certainty that I ith child If I told hiht reconsider
But I looked into his eyes, full of scorn and turmoil, and I kneould not tell hi hurtful accusations at me Noould I say, ”Oh, by the way--” No, never!
It was the worst decision I ever ht much sorrow upon us But for woest of all pulls And so I clamped my lips shut and turned away from him I bent down and retrieved the jewel box, and with all the self-control at ht-backed out of the rooht he caed to be admitted He e he had not meant it But heso readily to his lips He had revealed himself as a cauldron of jealousy and confusion, as well as a quaint sort of honor--he had no co his wife, but shrank with horror froive hs and sto oddly detached He had hurt s of”There, there,” I heard , mechanically ”It doesn't matter”
”Yes, yes, it does!” His voice sounded tor came over me, I don't know, I didn't mean it--you know I love you!”
”Yes, of course” I still felt remote It was important to calm him ”Don't think of it”
”You must believe me!”
”Yes, yes, of course Of course I believe you” This ful; I wished he would leave
He rose up and kissed me, but I found I didn't want him even to touch me Still, I did not push him away That would just have made it worse, excited his suspicions further
”ShowI knehat he wanted There was no escape--I would have to bear it
”Yes, of course,” I said, taking his hand, and leading him to his favorite place, my bed
He was a frantic lover, driven aluilt and jealousy Ordinarily it would have been supre, but I kept out of it, so to speak I did not allow myself to take any enjoyment from it, because my hurt was too deep to be plastered over by a few kisses and caresses
When he finally left, I rolled over and watched his retreating back, thinking, Tonight you have throay the world Tonight you have throay the world
Chapter 48
On the surface, things continued as usual The bedroom visit seemed to have satisfied Antony, and he went back to his bluff self, laughing, drinking, playing with the Incomparables He assu, and the things we had said, were neverin, and he was forced to acknowledge the fro thehts burning, and know that he was troubled with the news Soht withto the contents of the letters But I had h that the Roman world was in turmoil Perusia had fallen, and Octavian was ainst ”the authority of the Triumvirate” Scores of people were executed, and the ancient toas burned to ashes Lucius had been captured, but Fulvia had escaped, along with Antony's general Munatius Plancus Where, they were going, no one knew
In the n--and sending out letters
Although I was deterht we had quarreled so bitterly, the words clung inon them But I kept it to myself
One afternoon I happened to be present when a letter arrived for him, and it would have been so aard to refuse to open it that Antony went ahead Then politeness decreed that he let me read it He was clearly reluctant to do so, but made the best of it
It was an overture froainst Octavian
”I offer protection for all those fleeing from the tyrant,” he wrote ”Your most noble mother Julia, Tiberius Nero, his wife Livia, and their little son Tiberius have had to seek safety withwith many of the oldest names in Rome They do not wish to bend the knee to that boy--that boy who styles himself ruler, calls hial things Join with ether we can rid Rome of this menace”
I knew better than to concur I merely handed the letter back to Antony ”It seems that the entire world seeks to ally itself with you,” I said lightly
”And not only he, but Lepidus has approachedout one of his fellows?” I am afraid the mockery crept into ed ”He has ever been unreliable He says one thing one day, another the next” He stood up ”Co I think the winter is truly past Let's go fishi+ng on Lake Mareotis You pro, and boat parties go out a in the villages--”
I sighed ”I suppose you want to invite a party?”
”Well, isn't that what such a day is meant for?”
Three houseboats filled with reat freshwater lake that stretched behind Alexandria It was a strangely shaped lake, with its , thin arm reached ard al soypt's finest wines Other crops covered the shores: olives, figs, dates, apple orchards At the very water's edge, papyrus plantations extended out sorade of papyrus There were also bean plantations, with the huge stalks growing ten feet high and the cup-shaped leaves providing shelter for boat parties and lovers
It was March, the Egyptian etation was in bloom: The beans had opened their crea out of the water, and the pale petals of the al on the wind The sun felt warh spirits
Tiain he cast his line out into the open water, baited with pluain he hauled in his hook, empty The couard, their wo, ”how pitiful is this!”
Antony, growing ever more exasperated, threw out his line repeatedly He atteo ashore and eat and drink in one of the little villages lining the shore of the lake