Part 60 (1/2)
”It was in the hands of the Gods,” he finally said ”But the outcoht Our Caesar is repaid now”
The first course of the , and the co in wonder at the dishes, at the smoked Libyan desert hare, the oysters dressed in seaweed, the white cakes of Egypt's finest flour, the quivering jellies flavored with the juice of poranate and made sith honey and Derr dates Their voices rose, and as the noise increased, it was easier to speak privately to Antony
”Our Caesar,” he said ”We wept for his misfortune, noe can rejoice in his vindication”
”It was you who turned the tide at the funeral I can never forget that night”
”Nor I” He began to eat, washi+ng the food doith draughts of wine ”But noe ed to carry out his Parthian venture, which he was forced to abandon on its eve I will use the very spears and shi+elds he had already set aside They were still in Macedonia, where he kept them in readiness”
”But that is not for this season,” I said It was a question
”No, it must wait There is still much that needs to be settled here in the east”
The banquet proceeded, with dish after dish issuing fro entertainth it was time for theht you must join hed--”you estured to his men ”Come, it is tiift of all the couches you have lain on tonight, and every old plate hich he has dined”
The entire coard for you,” I said carelessly ”Your coathered up the utensils and plate, trying to see them,” I said ”My servants will accoifts”
Antony was staring
”You as well,” I said ”But you need uest of honor and supreantic pearl necklace and handed it to hiypt's esteem for you”
His hands closed over it, the pearls bri out on either side
Now, as I sat in my cabin, it see had been an absolute success News about it would go out over all the land, and our ues And as for Antony, he could count the pearls and be as and laid theold bracelets My feet, barefoot now, stretched in weariness I felt drained by the entire proceeding; I could hardly believe that it was finally over It had taken weeks to plan, and had cost as much as a small palace The frankincense aloneI shook my head I had had it poured out like coal s impression of luxury, wealth, and power I needed to hty
There was a commotion outside, a hesitant knock on my door ”Open,” I said
”Your Majesty” A soldier bowed, and opened the door ”A visitor” The soldier stepped back, disappearing Someone else appeared
I could scarcely believein the doorway I stared at hiainst the doorframe with both arh when the retinue took its leave
I stood up ”What is it?” I asked, searching his face It gave me no answers
”I see I have waited too late to return,” he said ”I will see you another time” He moved, took a step backward, and now I could see that he was-- not drunk, but changed by the wine
I went over to hio” I was not undressed, merely devoid of my ornaments ”Stay and tellback for a moment, then followed I shut the door behind hi papers of soht we should talk in private,” he said ”And we are less likely to be overheard here than in my headquarters”
”Very well” I waited to hear what he had to say Why could it not have kept until et the papers and return? Why did he seeive the ih I found this visit very odd--I reached down and picked up a shawl to drape over myself, almost to shi+eld myself
”Caesar s papers--the ones in his house--do you remember?” He waved the sheaf of papers in his hand, as if they could talk
”What of the And what matter about them, anyway? The only one that truly counted, the will, had hurtOctavian
”I altered them,” he admitted ”I wanted to tell you, explain” He looked sheepish ”I want you to see the originals”
This seemed very tireso Caesars handwriting, not now, not late at night like this, when I was tired, ht is so poor,” I objected The truth was, I did not want to look at them now, I did not want to entertain Antony now, I did not want to be disturbed now, or to undo uarded moment now
”Oh, it will serve,” he said airily, and without my permission he seated himself at my desk and spread out the first of the papers He bent his head over the there ”Yes, you see, here, where he appointed this a over his shoulder to see what he was so adaht I could barely make out the words; Antony's head was so close to the trouble, too
”Why should we care, noho presided over the games?” I asked I had to bend way over in order to speak to hiht into hied so s,” he confessed ”This is just one of thehtly different7”
I had to lean still farther over; noas pressed up against hi else
”Yes,” I allowed
”I have always felt guilty about doing that to hi his seal afterward, to secure positions that would benefit ht hand, he had once said ”At least you used that hand in his defense!” I said ”It was not a ood use of it” I paused ”And why are you telling hed, and his shoulders moved; I moved with them ”I suppose because you are the only one who has the power--at least in my own mind--to absolve ive you in the name of Caesar' You understand what the conditions were, and why some falsehoods were imperative at the time”
”Yes I do I told you I can never repay you for what you have done to avenge him If rules had to be bent, and documents altered on the way, then--” I started toelse to see on this paper, and
But as I hten up, so did he; and it htly I froze--there is no other word for it--as that forbidden touch seemed at once to deed with ain we touched, and in what felt like a long, slow, dreamlike motion--but what surely was not, what surely happened almost instantly--he turned his head and kissed ht I returned the kiss, opening my mouth to his, and felt hi , face to face, kissing, and unbidden, unable to do anything else, I put ainst me
His kisses were deep and passionate; there was no interry ones that followed And I was hungry for them--for hi him opened that secret door withinIts sudden, opening onrush made me weak
There had to be some way to halt this; I could not just act in madness I tried to break out of his aro easily; it was as if he was afraid to
”I've alanted you,” he said quietly, hisan excuse? As if that ht on a flimsy errand?
”I suppose you will tell ypt, and I was still a girl,” I said, wanting to sound light and bantering, and all the while trying to cal heart It sounded so loud I could alh ainst ot you And when I saw you again in Ro court in soed for you then, like a boy seeing fine candies in a store, but having no ine--anything” He paused ”At least when I ake” I could feel his eh I could not see it It made me sht between two kinds of behaviors; e to go forward into the unknown or retreat into the safe and the practiced? I atte to joke ”My general” Again I tried to extricate myself, to step back But soeneral, just a a general,” he said ”Unless you would like to e the side of eneral,” he said ”Unless you would like to e the side of ht that hat thiswas all about,” I said ”Future alliances--political ones”
”No,” he said, ”this is what thiswithit fall off , charged with excitement It craved his touch, as if it had a uards ould co and spear him, if necessary And the soldier just outside the door I could call them, and end this They would evict him and save me from my own runaway body with its unexpected desires Call theainstainstmy hair