Part 28 (2/2)
He still wore his tunic ”The tunic” Ifolds all over his back
He sat up and, with a twist of his arown off; I was eager to have it gone, to have nothing between my body and his
My blood see with too much of it To my disappointment, he did not fall on me and cover my body with his, but crouched over and kissed my breasts and belly with a slow deliberateness that ered overit with infinite tenderness, more suitable for an infant like Caesarion than forsocut off, and all because of this overwheluish
Instantly he leaned forward and buried his face against ainst ? Now you are mineno you are minenonow
At last I felt his body against ether I felt as if I would die if it did not happen in that instant; I had waited a year for it Every particle oftiether, but the body retains its secret and inti one person I had forgotten, yet not forgotten, what it felt like to have a part of him become one with me But all the while I also knew him as separate frootten urgency of love, when it seery beasts bolting their food Gone are the civilized beings who talk of manners and journeys and letters; in their places are two bodies straining to give birth to a burst of inhuness An explosion of life followed by death--in this we live, and in this we foreshadow our oeet deaths
I felt my hands on his back, and I tried not to scratch hi so There must be her, ever higher
Later I lay beside hi I tried to focus er than I had ever seen it
”My dearest,” he finally said, ”I thought never to feel this way in le of sheets, soaked with sweat They were growing cold, in spite of the war separate, not part of our real selves
”I love you still,” he said wonderingly ”I love you here as well as in Egypt, in this shuttered room in Rome as well as in the open palace in Alexandria”
It was only then that I realized he had thought ofto be found, like the pyramids--then left behind Instead, I had followed
”I am a real person,” I said ”I can live and breathe in different climates, different lands”
”But I ht of you--like a local Goddess”
I laughed ”One of those who inhabit a spring or a rock?”
He looked ashamed ”Just so When I came to Alexandria--which now seems like a dream--you were a part of it It is hard to reconcile that hed at the idea of it--”I shall take you to the Foru Octavian-- and I shall prove to myself that you are real”
”You have held me You know I am real”
”No All this still seems like a dream” His voice was low ”A darkened roo with one laht, I will think it all a dreaht,” I said ”Only a few more hours”
”And I will formally welcoa--infernally uncoarment!--and I will doubtless make a stilted speech, and try not to wink at you”
”And I will try to ascertain whether you are excited beneath the toga”
”I won't be,” he said matter-of-factly ”My formal self will have taken me over” He paused ”You realize that you are uest of the Roman state? It seemed simpler that way You do not have to make an official entrance, and it prevents the Senate fro you when they wish to insultyou when they wish to flatter me They are a thorn in ainst me I did not wish you to be their pawn”
”Why do you bother with the blocks”
He laughed softly ”I 'bother' with theal rulers of Ros were thrown out over five hundred years ago They are supposedly the watchdogs of our freedo on the lookout for tyrants likebut a nuisance,” I said They hindered Caesar What good were they?
”Spoken like a true Ptoleht I could see the marks I had made on his back I had not er and traced over theer ”Calpurnia will be curious about theht they were separated, or practically so ”I am sorry,” I said contritely, and ht-lipped, austere old Rofor e, I have been away fro? It was possible And he had been with her so little since then She must feel herself still a bride As a woman, I felt pity for her Then I remembered Eunoe I felt htly
Deny it! I begged him in my mind Say it was just slander on the part of Scipio!
”I was lonely,” he said sihed, like a e, one whose wheels did not turn properly ”There was one night, only one--that was enough! If I ever thought that it was being a queen thata queen hat ht rateful to her Then Scipio, eager to wound me, if not on the battlefield, then in the opinion of the world, put it out that it was an ongoing thing Believemore for you, the unique, the irreplaceable, the sole keeper of my desire--the one woman I wanted most to keep with me, and could not”
So deep wasall the while that he was a great lover, and that great lovers excel at saying what a woman most needs to hear Yet, even now, I still believe hiether was extraordinary,the lines and circles of the marks on his back He squir hih, and kissed o, and now--”
He put his arht with desire
It was growing light before he dressed and made ready to leave
”It is almost time for me to be back here,” he said He bent over and put on his sandals It was now light enough that I could see how many straps they had, and discern what shade the leather was
”You can see hiuided hi room where Caesarion slept on his back
I was startled to see a look of pain cross Caesar's face, and his voice give an unguarded groan He stared down at the boy, then got down on his knees to see him closer Wordlessly he took my hand and squeezed it He re tiot up and ered, and looked at me sadly ”It is one
Chapter 23
I stood in the garden, by a stone fountain, and watched the sunrise I had waited until I kneas gone frorounds, then I stole away from the rooer, to lie still and pretend to sleep and wait for others to stir I could hear the sound of the birds, their songs a tangle of cries, a chorus that came before full dawn It was not too early to join theht coolness to it Light es, the flower beds Soon the sun would rise and dissipate it, chase away the blurred edges I felt dazed,in after the arduous journey, culht without sleep I stood tre up handfuls of water to splash onaway his kisses, but I could not help it
I sat on one of the stone benches and drew uptheht, never to wash ain now, and discreetly covered by a h at the idea of the bed re forever rumpled, with the sacred sheets undisturbed It was a ludicrous picture, a ludicrous desire, but for those few er now, and the birdsong fading What was it he had said? My formal self will have taken me over My formal self will have takento the daytime world, to the world of Roifts to one another, and he would invite me to his Triumph, and ould each entertain one another in turn One head of state to another The next ti to the daytime world, to the world of Roifts to one another, and he would invite me to his Triumph, and ould each entertain one another in turn One head of state to another
He returned atup the steep path to the site of the house, with a large coa,posture that was so distinctively his; I had never seen him slump or even lean back That was part of the reason he always see before hie bundles of branches with axes that denoted power in Rome There seemed to be an enormous nuuard? His staff?
I, in turn, awaited him at the entrance to the house, seated on a s it would be necessary for for it would not be politically wise to ask the Romans to lend me one!) I had attiredtoo elaborate, as this was ostensibly a personal visit, and besides, it was stillI felt that I looked wretched; the exhilaration of the night had worn off, leaving only fatigue and nervousness I did not wish to see him Not now; not so soon Another day, perhaps!
He approached I gripped the arms of the throne He came forward from the mass of attendants I could hear the sound of each of his horse's hooves on the gravel He sat looking at nition We were on the same plane, he on his horse, I on the throne at the top of the entrance steps Then he dis in one quickhis eyes--his dark, in Ro weird symbols of authority I hated the axes They all were turned toward htened of him Why had I colea at me I was a prisoner here